LOVE AT THE BOWERY BAR, PART II
At my table at the Bowery Bar, there's Parker, thirty-two, a novelist who
writes about relationships that inevitably go wrong; his boyfriend, Roger;
Skipper Johnson, an entertainment lawyer.
Skipper is twenty-five and personifies the Gen X dogged disbelief in Love.
"I just don't believe I'll meet the right person and get married," he said.
"Relationships are too intense. If you believe in love, you're setting yourself
up to be disappointed. You just can't trust anyone. People are so corrupted
these days."
"But it's the one ray of hope," Parker protested. "You hope it will save you
from cynicism."
Skipper was having none of it. "The world is more fucked up now than it
was twenty-five years ago. I feel pissed off to be born in this generation when
all these things are happening to me. Money, AIDS, and relationships, they're
all connected. Most people my age don't believe they'll have a secure job.
When you're afraid of the financial future, you don't want to make a
commitment."
I understood his cynicism. Recently, I'd found myself saying I didn't want
a relationship because, at the end, unless you happened to get married, you
were left with nothing.
Skipper took a gulp of his drink. "I have no alternatives," he screamed. "I
wouldn't be in shallow relationships, so I do nothing. I have no sex and no
romance. Who needs it? Who needs all these potential problems like disease
and pregnancy? I have no problems. No fear of disease, psychopaths, or stalkers.
Why not just be with your friends and have real conversations and a good
time?"
"You're crazy," Parker said. "It's not about money. Maybe we can't help
each other financially, but maybe we can help each other through something
else. Emotions don't cost anything. You have someone to go home to. You
have someone in your life."
I had a theory that the only place you could find love and romance in New
York was in the gay community—that gay men were still friends with
extravagance and passion, while straight love had become closeted. I had this
theory partly because of all I had read and heard recently about the multimillionaire
who left his wife for a younger man—and boldly squired his young
swain around Manhattan's trendiest restaurants, right in front of the gossip
columnists. There, I thought, is a True Lover.
Parker was also proving my theory. For instance, when Parker and Roger
first started seeing each other, Parker got sick. Roger went to his house to
cook him dinner and take care of him. That would never happen with a
straight guy. If a straight guy got sick and he'd just started dating a woman
and she wanted to take care of him, he would freak out—he would think that
she was trying to wheedle her way into his life. And the door would slam shut.
"Love is dangerous," Skipper said.
"If you know it's dangerous, that makes you treasure it, and you'll work
harder to keep it," Parker said.
"But relationships are out of your control," Skipper said. "You're nuts,"
Parker said.
Roger went to work on Skipper. "What about old-fashioned romantics?"
My friend Carrie jumped in. She knew the breed. "Every time a man tells
me he's a romantic, I want to scream," she said. "All it means is that a man
has a romanticized view of you, and as soon as you become real and stop
playing into his fantasy, he gets turned off. That's what makes romantics
dangerous. Stay away."
At that moment, one of those romantics dangerously ar-
A LADY'S GLOVE
"The condom killed romance, but it has made it a lot easier to get laid," said a
friend. "There's something about using a condom that, for women, makes it
like sex doesn't count. There's no skin-to-skin contact. So they go to bed with
you more easily."