介绍:
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and they’re all talking.]
Rachel: Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?
Joey: Probably Monica and Chandler.
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Woman: (to Gunther) Hi. Could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please?
Gunther: Oh umm, uh we don’t sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street. (Points.)
Woman: That’d be great, thanks. (Gunther goes and gets them.)
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I don’t think I have the energy for this.
Melissa: (Gasps when she notices Rachel) Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?! (Screams)
Rachel: (screaming) Melissa!
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, what’s up with you?!
Rachel: Wh—(Turns and looks at the gang who’s staring)—Why don’t I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Melissa: So last I heard you were gonna get married. (Grabs Rachel’s hand and notices that she doesn’t have a ring on it.) (Sadly) Oh poor Ray-ray.
Rachel: Oh no-no, no! It’s good! It’s all good! I-I actually work at Ralph Lauren!
Melissa: Shut up!
Rachel: I will not! I’m the divisional head of men’s sportswear!
Melissa: Oh shut up more! Now, are you friends with Ralph?
Rachel: Oh please…
Melissa: (excitedly) Are you?!
Rachel: No.
Melissa: Listen, we-we have to have dinner. What-what are you doing tomorrow night?
Rachel: Oh tomorrow, oh I don’t know. Um…
Melissa: You do now. You’re having dinner with me.
Rachel: Shut up.
Melissa: I-I’ve got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Here’s my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Oh, wow thanks! (Reading the card) Oh you’re in real estate!
Melissa: Oh no, that’s-that’s an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Rachel: Wow! What do you do now?
Melissa: (quietly) I’m a party planner. I’ll see you tomorrow. (Exits.)
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Joey: Hey guys! Look who’s back! It’s Ray-ray!
Rachel: Shut up that was my friend Melissa from college.
Ross: She seems really, really fun!
Rachel: She’s actually very sweet and we used to be very close.
Monica: Wait a minute, she isn’t… She’s not the one who you…
Joey: (excitedly) Who you what? Who you what?!
Rachel: (To Monica) Yes.
Monica: Wow!
Joey: (excitedly) Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who you—what?!!
Rachel: It’s not a big deal!
Monica: (To Joey) They were lovers.
Ross: What?!
Joey: What?!
Rachel: No we weren’t! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and y’know, ended up…kissing for a bit.
Ross: So that’s two of my wives.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have people’s names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachel’s place.)
Rachel: Oh wow. Why don’t we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins aren’t for playing are they?
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Chandler: This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.
Monica: Chandler, relax it’s not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a close one.
Joey: (entering) Hello!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey Rach. (Stares at her.)
Rachel: Stop picturing it!!
Monica: Okay, I think that’s it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like they’re having fun don’t they?
Joey: Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Let’s see, well…if this is the wedding hall then umm (Walks away) you’re parents will be at home in Queens.
Joey: What they’re not invited?! Oh no, that’s terrible! They’re gonna be crushed!
Monica: Why would they think they’re invited?
Joey: (looking around) You got me. I don’t…
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Well, I’m sorry. I thought parents were coming! Y’know? Your parents are comin’! Chandler’s parents are comin’! Ross’s parents are comin’!
Monica: Ross’s parents are my parents!
Joey: Well-well—see? Parents are comin’!
Chandler: Y’know I think we should invite them.
Monica: Oh please, you just want more blue pins.
Chandler: Well this is just sad!
Monica: All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!
Rachel: That is not a problem.
Joey: (leaning down to her) Maybe you’ll order a little sangria?
Rachel: Oh, get out of here! (Jumps back and walks away.)
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if there’s anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Chandler: Well, thanks a lot for hookin’ me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.
Rachel: I’m Monica’s maid of honor. Okay? Don’t try to blue pin me!
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, what’s the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Rachel: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when they’re done with them they just send ‘em back.
Chandler: You mean like for award shows?
Rachel: Some of them.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Rachel: Honey, might I suggest watching a little more ESPN and a little less E!?
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: Umm, well let’s see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw.
Chandler: Not bad.
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul O’Neil.
Chandler: Who’s that?
Rachel: He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. (Chandler nods and Rachel grabs another tux) Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan!
Chandler: Pierce Brosnan?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: 007?! This is James Bond’s tux?!
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: Oh, I have to get married in James Bond’s tux!
Rachel: It’s a pretty cool tux.
Chandler: Oh, it’s not just that, I would be England’s most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majesty’s secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. (Worried.) Would Monica let me wear this?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Joey: We should really learn how to play the real way. (Moves another piece.)
Phoebe: I like our way. Oh! (Grabs a piece and jumps a bunch of Joey’s like in Checkers.) Chess!
Joey: Nice move.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?
Joey: No, I’m performing the ceremony. I’m not wearing a tux.
Rachel: Well, what are you going to wear?
Joey: Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.
Rachel: Huh. Does Monica know about this?
Joey: I don’t think so.
Rachel: Can I please be there when you tell her? (Joey nods yes.)
Phoebe: Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight?
Rachel: Oh, y’know what? I can’t. I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl.
Joey: (excitedly) Can I come?! I won’t even talk! You’ll just hear the noise from my video camera.
Phoebe: What is this? What’s going on?
Joey: Oh good! Can I tell her?! Can I tell her?!
Rachel: Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey’s lewd version?
Phoebe: Joey’s!
Joey: Okay…
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time…she and I y’know…kissed a little bit.
Phoebe: (laughs) Yeah, I’m sure that happened.
Rachel: It-it did!
Phoebe: Sure!
Joey: Hey. (Laughs then seriously) It happened!
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
Joey: Why are you taking this away from me?
Rachel: Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?!
Phoebe: Okay! I just—I didn’t know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Rachel: I’m not saying that I’m a lesbian! I’m just saying that this happened!
Phoebe: Okay, it just seems pretty wild and you’re so—y’know so…vanilla.
Rachel: (shocked) Vanilla?!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: I’m not vanilla! I’ve done lots of crazy things! I mean I got-I got drunk and married in Vegas!
Phoebe: To Ross.
Rachel: All right, y’know what? If you don’t want to believe me about this, why don’t you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you.
Phoebe: Okay! All right! Yeah! ‘Cause I just can’t picture it.
Joey: Oh-ho, you should get inside my head.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a garment bag.]
Ross: Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding! (Holding up his garment bag.)
Chandler: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?
Ross: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batman’s tux!
Chandler: What?
Ross: That’s right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film…that Batman film he was in.
Chandler: You can’t wear that! I’m wearing the famous tux! James Bond’s tux!
Ross: So?
Chandler: So—If you wear that you’ll make mine less special.
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
(Chandler mimics him.)
Chandler: Please, don’t take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!
Ross: Pretty please? Not very uh, 007.
Chandler: Look, it’s my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
Ross: When I got married you slept with my sister.
Chandler: That was pretty 007.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still working on the seating chart as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey.
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good you’re here! All right, I figured it out. I’m gonna take two tables of eight, I’m gonna add your parents, and I’m gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Joey: Yeah, they’re not coming.
Monica: (looking at him) What?!
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They…feel a little unwanted.
Monica: Oh that’s too bad. It’s true, but too bad.
Joey: Look Mon, if you could just call my mom…
Monica: Oh Joey!
Joey: Come on! Look just-just tell—let her know that you really want them to be there. Let’s not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Monica: No she hasn’t.
Joey: Is it her fault that some of them didn’t make it to you?
Monica: Well, what am I going to say?
Joey: I don’t know. Just uh, just tell ‘em it was a mix-up with the invitations, or—No-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I don’t think you can blame it on them so…
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