介绍:
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Rachel: (looking at her fingers) Oh my…God! Let me see that! (Grabs the book from him.)
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Rachel: Oh Pheebs that’s so sweet—(Grabs a pair of pants)—Ooh, those are so cute!
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (There’s a stretchy part in front.) And then after the baby’s born, they’re great for shoplifting melons.
Monica: (entering) Oh good you’re all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four o’clock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: No.
Monica: He was in Ross’s class…marching band…kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend.
Rachel: Wow! I don’t remember him. Honey, are you sure you’re not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I haven’t thought about him in a long time… (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Will’s, Will’s here on business and he didn’t have a place to go so I invited him here.
Rachel: Oh that’s nice.
Monica: Oh, and by the way, he’s lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, I’m not gonna make a turkey this year.
Joey: What?!
Monica: Well Phoebe doesn’t eat turkey…
Joey: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Turkey’s are beautiful, intelligent animals!
Joey: No they’re not! They’re ugly and stupid and delicious!
Monica: All right! Okay, it’s just Phoebe. Will’s still on a diet, Chandler doesn’t eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachel’s having her aversion to poultry.
Joey: She is?
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Monica: Anyway, it just doesn’t seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? It’s a lot of work.
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But just—there’s gonna be a ton left over.
Joey: No there won’t! I promise I will finish that turkey!
Monica: All right, you’re telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
Joey: That’s right! ‘Cause I’m a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don’t read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and it’s actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this year’s), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Monica: Hey, isn’t weird to think about how next year at this time they’ll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachel’s! But good to know where you’re at!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Happy Thanksgiving!
Monica: You too!
Phoebe: Anything I can do to help?
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but he’s really into the game so I don’t want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Phoebe: Sure!
Monica: I’m gonna go across the hall to check on the yams.
Phoebe: Okay. (She starts folding the napkins in half.)
Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! We’re not at a barn dance. You’ve gotta—you wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?
Phoebe: Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. (Monica exits.) (To Chandler) So how’s the game?
Chandler: I have no idea.
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: Yeah! I’m just pretending to watch the game so I don’t have to help out with stuff.
Phoebe: I don’t believe you! That is…brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
Monica: Is your team winning hon?
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) There’s no Anderson.
Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I don’t think I can help you after all, I didn’t realize this game was on.
Monica: Oh, I didn’t know you liked football.
Phoebe: Well normally I don’t, but y’know…(looks at the TV)…Green Bay is playing.
Monica: You like Green Bay?
Phoebe: Well it’s only like my favorite bay! {Actually, it’s not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. }
(Phoebe joins Chandler on the couch as there is a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: Hey!
Will: Hey!
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since he’s already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess he’s some sort of actor.)
Will: Happy Thanksgiving!
Monica: Aww thanks! God Will I’m so glad that you came! You look great! You must’ve lost like…
Will: 150 pounds. Yeah, I’m gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials.
Monica: A pie! (Will brought a pie.)
Will: Oh right. All right, it’s no fat, it’s no sugar, it’s no dairy…it’s no good. Throw it out.
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Will: Hey.
Chandler: Oh hey. I’d shake your hand but uh; I’m really into the game. Plus, I think it’d be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other.
Monica: This is Phoebe.
Phoebe: (nonchalantly glancing) Hey. (Turns back around.) Wow! (Looks up.) Well done.
Monica: (to Will) Wanna give me a hand?
Will: Sure! Monica, I can’t get over how great you look! You look stunning!
Monica: Well you look incredible too! You’re just—you’re so fit!
Chandler: I’m watching the game, but I’m not deaf!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Ross is coming. Great! I love Ross!
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.)
Will: Oh.
Monica: Is there a problem?
Will: Nope. Uh, it’s okay. It’s just uh, God I hated her.
Monica: What?
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, I’m in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y’know, it’s been a while since we’ve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Phoebe: Oh okay.
Chandler: Oh come on!
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!
(Joey enters eating potato chips.)
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, you’ve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin’ chips is like stretching.
Monica: All right.
Joey: Don’t worry, Tribbianis never get full.
Will: I actually know what you’re talking about. I’m here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy?
Monica: Will! From high school.
Joey: Oh hey!
Monica: (to Will) Joey.
Will: Hello.
Ross: (entering) Will!
Will: Ross!
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: It’s good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Will: I’m a commodities broker.
Ross: Really? Yeah that-that sounds interesting.
Will: Yeah, it’s not. But I’m rich and thin.
Ross: Oh! Man I don’t think I’ve seen you since uh, Lance Davis’ graduation party.
Will: That was such a fun night!
Ross: Yeah. It would’ve been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.
Will: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah.
Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Ross: (laughs) Yeah.
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?
Rachel: (entering, carrying a baking dish) Hi!
Monica: Hey sweetie. Oh good. (Takes the baking dish from her.)
Will: (glaring at Rachel) Rachel Green.
Ross: Aw—oh, that’s right. Are-are you gonna be okay?
Will: Oh, I’ll-I’ll be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her!
Ross: Will, high school was-was a long time ago.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
Rachel: (sees Will) Oh my God Monica, who is that?
Monica: That’s Will from high school!
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, he’s… Look at the way he’s just staring at me. I think he’s trying to mouth something to me, but I can’t make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
Monica: Okay, dinner’s ready!
Chandler: Good game!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort.
Monica: Oh, so who won?
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Green Bay.
Chandler: (simultaneously) Detroit.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay…Mermen.
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Rachel: Hi! Will, right?
Will: Right.
Rachel: Hi! I’m Rachel Green.
Will: Oh I-I remember you.
Rachel: Really?! Aren’t you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis’ graduation party?
Will: You are unbelievable.
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why don’t you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
(Monica sets something on the table and removes the cover. It kinda looks like turkey.)
Joey: That’s it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandler’s chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Joey: (quietly) Oh. How-how big is that?
Monica: About nineteen pounds.
Joey: (To Rachel) It’s like me when I was born.
Rachel: All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will?
Will: Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t ya?
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh y’know what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Will: (sneeze talks) Typical.
Rachel: I’m sorry. What?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Joey: (To Monica) Seriously, who is this guy?
Rachel: Umm, I’m sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Will: I don’t know? Do I? Do I?
Phoebe: I think you do.
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Rachel: I’m-I’m—I had no idea. I’m sorry. I…
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Monica: Oh Will. But you-you’ve worked so hard…
Will: Yams!!!!
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