介绍:
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
Monica: (really excited) Mmh... this cake is amazing!
Rachel: My God, get a room!
Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I think I could show this cake a good time!
Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex?
Monica: (with no hesitation) Sex!
Chandler: (looking at her) Seriously, answer faster!
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry honey, you know, but when she said "sex" I wasn't thinking about "sex with you"!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It's like a giant hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you. What would you give up, sex or food?
Ross: Food.
Phoebe: Ok, how about... uhm... sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: Oh my God. It's like Sophie's Choice.
Rachel: Oh God. What about you, Joe? What would you give up, sex or food?
Joey: Uhm... oh... I don't know, it's too hard.
Rachel: No, you gotta pick one!
Joey: Oh... food. No, sex. Food! Sex! Food! Se-I don't know! Good God, I don't know, I want girls on bread!
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Rachel: You gotta see these latest pictures of Emma.
Phoebe: Oh, how cute!
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh, she looks just like a little doll!
Rachel: Oh, no, no. That is a doll.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Rachel: Oh. Who is the blonde, she's pretty.
Phoebe: OH! He's having an affair.
Rachel: He's not having an affair!
Phoebe: You know, I'm always right about these things.
Rachel: No, you're not! Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you!
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
Rachel: Oh, that doesn't mean anything.
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, let's see. (she takes her mobile phone) Ok, duck down. (they both get down to hide themselves. Phoebe calls Chandler)
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
Chandler: Those are all really old!
Phoebe: Ok, then maybe it'll be, uhm...
Rachel: (whispering) "Dude, Where's My Car?"
Phoebe: (glancing at her) What?
Rachel: They're in a caaar...
Phoebe: (to Chandler at the phone) Okay, we-we'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.
Rachel: Geez!
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, ok. Let me just grab my night vision goggles and my stun gun.
Phoebe: (patting her bag) I got them!
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
Chandler: Hi!
Monica: Hey! You smell like perfume and cigarettes.
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
Monica: Nancy doesn't smoke!
Chandler: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!
Monica: So? What do you think of the house?
Chandler: It's perfect. It's everything we're been looking for.
Monica: Isn't it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Monica: Don't you love the huge yard?
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
Chandler: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!
Monica: So? Do you think we should get it?
Chandler: I don't know. What do you think?
Monica: I think we should.
Chandler: I do too.
Monica: This is huge!
Chandler: I know.
Monica: How bad you wanna smoke, right now.
Chandler: I don't know what you mean, giant talking cigarette! Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting into Nancy's car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.
Monica: Gotcha. When do we tell them about this?
Chandler: We don't. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.
Monica: Okay. Right. Oh my God that is gonna be so hard.
Chandler: I know. Gooooood luck with it.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Ross: I just can't see Chandler cheating!
Rachel: I'm telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Joey: Chandler? Forty-five minutes? Well, something is not right. I just can't believe he would do this to Monica!
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
Phoebe: So, should we tell her?
Ross: I don't know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?
Phoebe: Why? Who抎 you seen him with?
Ross: No one, I'm just saying if... (Phoebe starts pinching him in his neck)
Phoebe: TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!
Ross: (yelling in pain) I know nothing! Mike's a great guy, it was hypothetical!
Phoebe: All right. (she releases him). He is a good guy. You’re right, he wouldn't cheat.
Ross: Believe me, if I did see with someone, there's no way I... (Phoebe starts pinching him again)
Phoebe : WHO DID YOU SEE HIM WITH?
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Rachel: Oh, look at her, so happy!
Monica: If only there were a smaller one to clean this one!
Joey: Hey, is uhm... is Chandler here?
Monica: No, he's picking up dinner, why, what's up?
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Monica (puzzled): All right...
Ross: We think Chandler might be having an affair.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Phoebe: They went in together. So sorry.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God that's awful! What did you think of the house?
(they all look confused and sorry for her)
Phoebe: What?
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
Monica: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... (to the rest) Did you think the neighborhood was homey? (Chandler enters)
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: (to Chandler) You son of a bitch!
Chandler: Is it me, or have the greetings gone downhill around here?
Monica: (goes to Chandler) Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.
Rachel: Who's Nancy?
Ross: What's going on?
Monica: (turns to them) Ok, alright, you guys, you'd better sit down, this is pretty big.
Chandler: Yeah (motions them to sit and they do) I'm not having an affair. Nancy is our realtor.
Joey: I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes!!
Phoebe: Why do you have a realtor?
Monica: Uhm, she has been showing us houses outside of the city.
Joey: (clearly shocked) What?
Rachel: Are you serious?
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Phoebe: So you're gonna move?
Ross: Oh my God.
Joey: Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this?!
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Monica: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Ross: (sarcastic) So you wanna buy a house in the 50's?
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Ross: You know what, if you wanna look for a house, that's okay.
Joey: No, no, it's not, don't listen to him! (to Ross) I'm gonna thump you! (points his fist at him)
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
(pause before Monica and Chandler speak, they look like they are looking for the right words)
Chandler: Actually, we already found a house we love.
Ross: What?
Monica: And about an hour ago, we made an offer.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Chandler: Bet you wish I was having an affair now, huh?
TIME LAPSE
Ross: You put an offer on a house?
Monica: (smiling) It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees... (gets cut off)
Phoebe: Wha..? Again with the nature, what are you? Beavers?
Chandler: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
Rachel: Yeah it is.
Joey: What the hell are you doin'?
Rachel: Well, it is, all right? When we were out there today, all I kept thinking was: I can't believe Chandler is screwing this woman, but MAN this would be a nice place to live!
Phoebe: Yeah, but so is this.
Ross: Yeah, I mean, if you moved there, you have to leave here. I mean, how can you leave this place?
[We fade to some flashback scenes.]
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
Ross: That money is mine, Green!
Rachel: You're fly is open, Geller!
Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's...'joincidence' with a 'C'!
Phoebe: [looking outside the window] Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
[They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.]
Rachel: Ow, that had to hurt!
Phoebe: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
The Guys: We will. (they don't move)
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles.
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica's nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Monica: Every year.
Joey: (he has a turkey on his head) It's stuck!!!
Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?
Joey: I put it on to scare Chandler!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!
Joey: It smells really bad in here.
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head inside a turkey's ass!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bast-Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
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