【老友记106】①Joey's butt show

Scene 1 [Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.] Chandler: No, ten o'clock. Ross: What? Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock! Ross: Oh. Hel-lo! Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men! Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone. Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.' Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it! Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here. Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years. Chandler: Thank you, buddy. Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys. Monica: You could do that! Chandler: Y'think? All: Yeah! Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue... Ross: C'mon! C'mon! Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.) Aurora: ...Yes? Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi. Aurora: Yes, you said that. Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.) Scene 2 [Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.] Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity. Director: Lose the robe. Joey: Me? Director: That would work. Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost. Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action. (Joey starts to the shower with a grim, detemp3ined look on his face.) Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing? Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering. Director: No, that was clenching. Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here. Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that? Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. Scene 3 Joey: I got fired. All: Oh! Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and... Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell. Joey: My mom will. Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that. Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it! Monica: Maybe this wasn't your shot. Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..? Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked. Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'. Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)