长大不是一个人的事情Ⅲ⑺

My Beauty Way/ My Beauty Way I remember owning almost every Barbie doll when I was young. I had Barbie dolls of every race along with the cars，dream houses，and I swear my Barbies had a bigger wardrobe than I had now as a young adult. I loved spending large amounts of time in my room and playing with them. I made my dolls the way I wanted my future self to be. Pretty，stylish，thin，and perfect. I swore that I would do whatever it took to be the most beautiful and most perfect girl I could be. In middle school，it felt like that dream for me wasn，t going to happen. I was chubby，I had a face full of acne，and because my self esteem was so low，I wore baggy clothes to cover my body. I would continuously use multiple acne creams to clear my face and none of them would work. Then I would try to use makeup to cover my acne up but it was no use. I cried because I could never be the girl I wanted to be. When I was fourteen，going on fifteen，my looks started to fall into place. My skin started to clear up，I started to lose weight，and I started to gain curves in all the right places. I became so confident about my new look，I started wearing makeup，buying cute clothes，and I even became friendlier. I started making friends and it wasn，t long before I started dating. I met a guy who I would consider my first love. He seemed like the perfect boyfriend but，I don，t think I was ever good enough for him. Everyday he would tell me how fat I was and always remind me that I needed to lose weight. It soon started to bring back old memories of how much I had been tortured in middle school and I didn，t want to go through it again. So I started working out an hour a day and slimming down what I ate. When I wasn，t losing weight fast enough，I added another hour to my work out plan. I soon went from only eating things such as salad，rice cakes and vegetables. It got to the point where I just completely stopped eating and then the weight started going down. I felt like I was finally that perfect girl again. Eventually my boyfriend dumped me and I was completely devastated. I tried to go back to eating again but it was no use. It had gone to the point that I just ended up throwing up everything I ate. So I continued to just not eat. As I was turning 16，my eating disorder was starting to become noticeable. But，for some reason I couldn，t stop. I was finally a size two and I felt that I was that girl that I always wanted to be. Things started to take a turn for the worst. I started to work out up to four hours a day as well as only eating bread and salad every now and then. One day in the middle of working out，I had completely black out. I ended up waking up hours later and I found my body to be too weak in order to pick myself up. I couldn，t get up for a long time and after that night，I knew I had to find a way to take better care of my body. I started eating again and I started making a much healthier work out plan. I soon even started to gain some confidence back but，I still have those moments where I want to look different. It happens anytime I look at a model in a magazine or a beautiful celebrity on TV. I try not to make unrealistic beauty standards which affect my everyday life but，there is still that young girl in me that wants the perfect body and the perfect life. 记得小时候我几乎拥有所有的芭比娃娃，这些肤色各异的芭比娃娃甚至都有配套的豪华汽车和梦幻别墅，我敢 打包票我的芭比娃娃们的衣柜比我这个年轻人的衣柜还要大得多。我喜欢待在自己的小屋里玩芭比娃娃。我将 她们打扮得漂漂亮亮，我希望未来的自己也能和她们一样美丽动人、时尚优雅、纤细苗条、精致完美。我便暗 暗发誓不惜一切代价要变成最漂亮最完美的女孩子。 读中学时，我感觉自己的梦不可能实现了。我长得胖胖的，满脸痘痘，因为自卑，我穿着宽松肥大的衣服遮挡 自己的肥肉。我还坚持用各种祛痘霜来祛除脸上的痘痘，可是这些都不奏效。我又尝试着化妆遮瑕，但都没用。为此我还曾伤心流泪，因为我永远都无法成为自己心目中理想女孩的模样。 当我十四、快十五岁的时候，我的外貌开始发生一些变化，我的皮肤逐渐变得光洁白皙，体重也减轻了许多，身形曲线也开始显露出来。由于自己的新容貌，我变得无比自信。我开始化妆，穿漂亮衣服，甚至整个人都变 得友善了。我还结交了一群朋友，没过多久我就恋爱了。 我遇到一个男孩，他是我的初恋。看上去他真是个完美的男朋友，只是我想我还配不上他吧。他每天都会跟我 说我长得有多么胖，常常提醒我需要减肥。这使我想起中学那段饱受折磨的回忆，我实在不愿再重蹈覆辙。 于是我每天健身一小时，并且开始节食。看到减肥效果并不明显后，我每天又增加一小时的健身时间。我只吃 些沙拉、米糕和蔬菜之类的食物，到后来我几乎什么都不吃，体重终于减了下来，我觉得自己又重新焕发出我 心目中完美女孩的风采。 不过最后我的男朋友还是抛弃了我，那时我几近崩溃。我想恢复饮食，可是于事无补了，最后成了吃什么吐什 么。就这样我几乎不吃东西了。等到我十六岁时，饮食失调的症状已经十分明显了。不过，由于某种原因，我 任由其发展，直到最后骨瘦嶙峋，我觉得这就是我一直梦想成为的女孩。 情况开始慢慢恶化。我开始每天健身四小时，而且只稍稍吃点面包和沙拉。一天我竟在健身时昏了过去。几个 小时以后我终于醒了过来，却发现自己全身虚弱无力，连爬起来的力气都没有。我在地上挣扎了很久，从那晚 后，我意识到自己应该想个办法来好好照顾自己的身体。 我恢复了饮食，并制订了一个更有利健康的健身计划。很快我便重拾信心，虽然有时看到杂志上的模特或是电 视里出现某位漂亮的女明星时，我还是会产生想变得与众不同的念头，但我不再绞尽脑汁地去制定那些既影响 正常生活又不切实际的审美标准，不过在我内心深处住着一位少女，她依然会不断地追求完美的身材和完美的 人生。 wardrobe 【释义】n. 衣柜；行头；全部戏装 chubby 【释义】adj. 圆胖的，丰满的 acne 【释义】n. 痤疮 multiple 【释义】n. 倍数；[电] 并联 adj. 多重的；多样的；许多的 【短语】multiple shop 连锁商店；multiple-choice 多项选择题 devastate 【释义】vt. 毁灭；毁坏 【短语】devastate the living environment 毁灭环境 black out 【释义】中断，停止；熄灭灯火 【短语】black-out cloth 遮光布 unrealistic 【释义】adj. 不切实际的；不实在的 【短语】unrealistic fantasy 不切实际的幻想；