当身体失去了"一"-贾斯蒂·阿米尔-Jeffery,+1英文

当身体失去了“一” 贾斯蒂·阿米尔 身休醒来 身休看着它自己 身休注意到有些东西缺失了 仿佛多了一块肉，又仿佛少了一块肉 身休被毛发覆盖 毛茸茸的身休 有些毛让它更像身休 有些毛让它更像怪物 身休没有从父亲那里学到如何刮毛 所以它自学了如何清理皮肤，割掉上面的东西 身休失手切开了自己 这提醒身休它是个身休 提醒身休身休流血的样子 提醒身休不是每个身休都会流血 身休和一个女孩讨论流血 她解释了这个身休如何运作 这个身休和她的不同 这个身休同时比她多了一块肉又少了一块肉 生物学决定了 身休永远都只是身休 身休是黑色的 身休永远将只是身休 身休即使努力也成不了一个男人 但它努力了 身休感到被掏空 身休感到它将永远被掏空 身休感到它永远不能承载别的身休内部的重量 无论多少个“一”被安在这个身休里 身休只是一个空壳 它想要一个有说服力的外装修 身休买衣服——修饰它的大腿 身休涂抹脸蛋——修饰它的嘴唇 身休用更可爱的标签装饰自己 多么美的身休 但仍然是个身休 但它现在是一个咄咄逼人的身休 一个华贵的身休 一个可以被称为女王的身休 一个多么漂亮的戏法 让一个身休变成每个人都喜欢看到的谎言 身休看着它自己 它看到了对它光芒的惊异目光 听到了对它的缺失的强烈呼唤 身休已经尽其所能—— 身是父母所生 之后努力做“人” 然而就像木头一样缺少某个基因 身休想要拥有那个基因 即使代价是真实性的丧失 身休是真实的 足够真实，过于真实 它的存在就是对自己的抹煞 ——多么难以捉摸的“一”—— 无把抹去 无法确认 身休被尴尬地留在那里 它从来没有失去 但也无法被找到 body without the “d” BY JUSTICE AMEER the bo’y wakes up the bo’y looks at itself the bo’y notices something missing there is both too much and not enough flesh on the bo’y the bo’y is covered in hair what a hairy bo’y some makes it look more like a bo’y some makes it look more like a monster the bo’y did not learn to shave from its father so it taught itself how to graze its skin and cut things off the bo’y cuts itself by accident the blood reminds the bo’y it is a bo’y reminds the bo’y how a bo’y bleeds reminds the bo’y that not every bo’y bleeds the bo’y talks to a girl about bleeding she explains how this bo’y works this bo’y is different from hers bo’y has too much and not enough flesh to be her the biology of a bo’y is just bo’y will only ever be a bo’y the bo’y is Black so the bo’y is and will only ever be a bo’y the bo’y couldn’t be a man if it tried the bo’y tried the bo’y feels empty the bo’y feels like it will only ever be empty the bo’y feels that it will never hold the weight of another bo’y inside of it no matter how many ds fit inside the bo’y the bo’y is a hollow facade it attempts a convincing veneer bo’y dresses — what hips on the bo’y bo’y paints its face — what lips on the bo’y bo’y adorns itself with labels written for lovelier frames what a beautiful bo’y still a bo’y but a fierce bo’y now a royal bo’y now a bo’y worthy of being called queen what a dazzling ruse to turn a bo’y into a lie everyone loves to look at the bo’y looks at itself the bo’y sees all the gawking at its gloss the bo’y hears all the masses asking for its missing the bo’y offers all of its letters — ‘ b ’ for the birth — ‘ o ’ for the operation — ‘ y ’ for the lack left in its genes what this bo’y would abandon for the risk of being real the bo’y is real enough and too much existing as its own erasure — what an elusive d — evading removal avoiding recognition leaving just a bo’y that is never lost but can’t be found 朗读 / Jeffery，+1 配乐 / Bosque de mi Mente-Los tigers no comen 制作 / 徐安 出品 / 读首诗再睡觉（dushoushizaishuijiao）