介绍:
Last evening after dinner, Rose proposed a walk in the neighborhood. The air was really cool, and the wind gentle. Why not? I’ve always loved to walk, partly because I’m a lover of nature, also walking cools my mind and enables me to inspect myself from a distance. And that’s exactly what I needed now.
I had a panic moment a week ago, when it marked the one-month period after my resignation from my university teaching job. There’s a big fat credit card bill to pay because I had been quite lavish in my spending lately. And the sense of not working started biting me, not for the sake of money, but for the need of validating my value as a person.
During last week, I busied myself designing my business card and podcast cover artwork, posting recruiting ads on the Internet, and most significantly, I started a podcast show. Everything above was time-intensive, and I got so obsessed with the notion of getting things done. I would sit by my desk for 3 hours without a break, intent on refining my design, writing show script, editing my recording, etc. And my right shoulder was mildly aching with a frozen and numbing sensation. Worst of all, I became glued to my phone when I was not working on my computer, constantly checking the number of hits of my show.
We were walking along the small park now. Passers-by, mostly old people, were clapping their hands or stretching their arms while walking, which Rose always found amusing. I realized how long I hadn’t done any deep reading, and the book that had only a few pages left unread was still lying on the coffee table unfinished. What’s the point of working?
I hate working. I hate it because it takes away most part of my days (and the best part), and I will be mentally controlled by work-related stuff even after work. “I would never take a 9-to-5, Monday-to-Friday kind of job”, mentally I said to myself.
We went to Metro Mart, and bought a batch of eggs for breakfast. Luckily the line wasn’t long. There was a Muslim woman taking care of her annoyingly loud grandson. What a shame! He’s going to be another Muslim and have a lot of annoying children of his own.
“I’m not bankrupt, Rose.” I suddenly said.
“Great!” was the response.
“I don’t want you to be anxious about my finances, cos when you are, I will be so upset and anxious myself.”
“I will not”.
I felt relieved. And I was thankful for the liberal-mindedness.
I secretly laughed at myself for being so foolishly narrow-minded in the last few days, for becoming so blind of the meaning and wonderfulness of life. Truly enjoying every day is already a contribution to society. Having control over one’s life, instead of being driven by it, is already validation of one’s value.
A nice walk on the first day of Autumn.
