介绍:
Chapter Thirteen
One night in August, when I was walking in the woods, I found a bag full of books. I took it and ran back to my hut. The books were Paradise Lost, Plutarch's Lives, and The Sorrows of Werther. These treasures gave me great happiness. They showed me new worlds of thought and feeling. Sometimes they filled me with joy, but more often they filled me with sadness. I thought Werther a divine being, and I wept at his death, although I did not really understand it.
'As I read, I thought of my own feelings and condition. In some ways I resembled the people in these books, but in other ways I was different from them. I was alone. My body was gigantic and ugly. What did this mean? Who was I? What was I? Where did I come from? What was the purpose of my life? I asked myself these questions often, but I could not answer them.
'Plutarch's Lives taught me to love and admire the heroes of the past. I read about men who governed or murdered their fellow human beings. I preferred those who governed peacefully, because they resembled my cottagers.
'When I read Paradise Lost, I thought it was a true story. It often reminded me of my own condition. Like Adam, I was the only example of my kind, but God made Adam beautiful. Adam's creator cared for him and talked to him. I was completely alone. Often I thought I resembled Satan more than Adam. Like Satan, I saw the happiness of other creatures, and I felt envious.
'The coat I took from your apartment had some papers in the pocket. When I had learned to read, I looked at them. They were your journal for the four months before you created me. When I read it, I cursed my creator. Why did you make me so horribly ug1y that even you turned from me in disgust? Even Satan had friends, the other devils, to admire him, but I had nobody. My creator had abandoned me.
'The autumn passed. I saw, with surprise and grief, the leaves fall from the trees. Nature became once again cold and sad, as it was when I first awoke in the woods. In summer the flowers and birds had comforted me. Now I longed even more to show myself to the cottagers. To win their affection was my greatest ambition.
'I decided to enter the cottage when the old man was alone. I knew that my ugliness frightened people, but my voice was not frightening. I thought that I could talk to the old man first and win his sympathy.
'One day in winter Safie, Agatha, and Felix went for a walk in the countryside. The old man was left alone in the cottage.' Trembling with excitement and fear, I knocked on the door of the cottage.
'"Who is there?" said the old man. "Come in."
'"I am sorry to disturb you," I said. "I am a traveller, and I am tired. Please would you let me sit by your fire for a few minutes?"
'"Come in," said the old man. "My children are not home, and 1 am blind, so I will not be able to get you food."
'"I have food. All 1 need is a little warmth."
'I sat down. After a silence, the old man asked, "Are you French?"
'"No," I replied, "but I was educated by a French family. I am going to some friends who, I hope, will help me."
'"Are they German?" asked the old man.
'"No. They are French. I have no other friends in the world. These people have never seen me, and 1 am afraid, because if they will not help me I have no other hope."
'"Do not despair. If your friends are good people, they will help you."
'They are kind," I said. "They are wonderful people, but they are prejudiced against me. I am not bad. I have never hurt anyone, but when they look at me they will see a horrible monster."
''If you really mean no harm , can you not explain that to them?"
''Yes. I will try. I love these friends very much. For many months I have been doing small things to help them, but they believe I want to hurt them."
'''Where do they live?" asked the old man.
'"Nearby. "
'"If you will tell me your story, perhaps I can help you. I cannot see your face, but I like your voice. I want to help you."
'"Thank you!" I cried. "Those are the first kind words that have ever been spoken to me."
'"Will you tell me the names of your friends?" he asked.
'At that moment I heard the sounds of the young people I'll turning to the cottage. "Help me!" I cried. "Now is the moment! you and your family are the friends for whom I am searching. Do not abandon me!"
'Felix, Safie, and Agatha entered the cottage. How can I describe their horror when they saw me? Agatha fainted. Safie ran out of the cottage. Felix attacked me and hit me with a stick. I could have killed him with my bare hands, but 1 did not. Filled with pain and sorrow, I ran out of the cottage and escaped unseen to my hut.'
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