介绍:
We Two Grow Old
One night, I had a dream. Zhongshu and I were out on a walk together, talking and laughing, when we came to a place we did not know. The sun had set behind the mountains, and dusk was approaching. Then Zhongshu disappeared into the void. I searched everywhere but could find no trace of him. I called to him, but there was no answer. It was just me, alone, standing there in the wasteland not knowing where Zhongshu had gone.
I cried out to him, calling his full name, but my cries just fell into the wilderness without the faintest echo, as if they’d been swallowed. Complete silence added to the blackness of the night, deepening my loneliness and sense of desolation.
In the distance, I saw only layer upon layer of dusky dark. I was on a sandy road with a forest to one side. There was a murmuring brook; I couldn’t see how wide it was.
When I turned to look back, I saw what appeared to be a cluster of houses. It was an inhabited place, but since I couldn’t see any lights, I thought they must be quite far away.
Had Zhongshu gone home on his own? Then I’d better go home too! Just as I was looking for the way back, an old man appeared, pulling an empty rickshaw. I hurried over to bar his way, and sure enough he stopped, but I couldn’t tell him where I wanted to go. In the midst of my desperation, I woke up. Zhongshu lay next to me in bed, sound asleep.
I tossed and turned for the rest of the night, waiting for Zhongshu to wake up; then I told him about what happened in my dream. I reproached him: How could you have abandoned me like that, leaving on your own without a word to me?
Zhongshu didn’t try to defend the Zhongshu of my dream. He only consoled me by saying: this is an old person’s dream. He often had it too.
Yes, I’ve had this sort of dream many times. The setting may differ, but the feeling is the same. Most often the two of us emerge from some place, then, in the blink of an eye, he’s gone.
I ask after him everywhere, but nobody pays any attention to me.
Sometimes I search for him everywhere but end up in a succession of alleys, all with dead ends. Sometimes I am alone in a dimly lit station, waiting for the last train, but the train never comes. In every dream I am lonely and desperate. If only I could find him, I think, we could go home together.
Zhongshu probably remembered my reproach, and caused this dream to be ten thousand miles long.
(Translated by Jesse Field)
http://www.cuhk.edu.hk/rct/renditions/sample/b76_1.html
有一晚，我做了一个梦。我和锺书一同散步，说说笑笑，走到了不知什么地方。太阳已经下山，黄昏薄幕，苍苍茫茫中，忽然锺书不见了。我四顾寻找，不见他的影踪。我喊他，没人应。只我一人，站在荒郊野地里，锺书不知到哪里去了。我大声呼喊，连名带姓地喊。喊声落在旷野里，好像给吞吃了似的，没留下一点依稀仿佛的音响。彻底的寂静，给沉沉夜色增添了分量，也加深了我的孤凄。往前看去，是一层深似一层的昏暗。我脚下是一条沙土路，旁边有林木，有潺潺流水，看不清楚溪流有多么宽广。向后看去，好像是连片的屋宇房舍，是有人烟的去处，但不见灯火，想必相离很远了。锺书自顾自先回家了吗？我也得回家呀。我正待寻觅归路，忽见一个老人拉着一辆空的黄包车，忙拦住他。他倒也停了车。可是我怎么也说不出要到哪里去，惶急中忽然醒了。锺书在我旁边的床上睡得正酣呢。
我转侧了半夜等锺书醒来，就告诉他我做了一个梦，如此这般；于是埋怨他怎么一声不响地撇下我自顾自走了。锺书并不为我梦中的他辩护，只安慰我说：那是老人的梦，他也常做。
是的，这类的梦我又做过多次，梦境不同而情味总相似。往往是我们两人从一个地方出来，他一晃眼不见了。我到处问询，无人理我。我或是来回寻找，走入一连串的死胡同，或独在昏暗的车站等车，等那末一班车，车也总不来。梦中凄凄惶惶，好像只要能找到他，就能一同回家。
锺书大概是记着我的埋怨，叫我做了一个长达万里的梦。
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