更多时候,我断然拒绝了应用程序“推送消息”和“获得位置”的请求。聪明如我,我才不会让这些应用程序对我指手画脚呢。然而,手机消息还是没日没夜地飞来了。就在上周,我的语言应用发送了一条消极激进的信息,说它以后不会再费心提醒我,我还没有练习意大利语了,反正说了也没用。在我开会的时候,我的跑步应用也发了一条悲伤的消息,它诚挚地告诉我:“如果你找到锻炼的伙伴了,不用担心这会伤害到我。但是记得让你的伙伴加入我们哦。”这条消息并没有刺激我花时间去健身房跑步,但让我感觉自己是个叛徒。
For the most part, I emphatically declined their pleas to send me push notifications, or know my location. I was smart, I wouldn’t let these apps be the boss of me. And yet, the alerts come, day and night. In the past week, I received a passive-aggressive message from the language app telling me that it would no longer bother telling me I haven’t been practising my Italian, since it obviously wasn’t working. Then there was a mournful message that arrived during a meeting from the running one, which genuinely said: “If you’re working out with someone else, it’s OK, just log it with us too”, which made me feel like I was being unfaithful, instead of just running in the gym most days.
约会应用才不管是否已经凌晨2点,它推送了一个消息,告诉我配对就快失效,我可能正在错过真爱,我最好打起精神来。一个冥想应用问我是不是压力很大,我把这个应用删掉了——因为答案是肯定的,我现在当然鸭梨山大啊!
I get messages from the dating app, which tell me that matches are about to expire, and they don’t seem to care that it’s 2am; I might be losing out on true love and I’d better buck up. I eventually deleted a meditation app that was asking if I was feeling stressed, because yes, of course I am – now.
手机配套应用也不会放过你的。如果你买了个爱疯,你就会有一个健康应用程序。这个应用会告诉你一天走了多少步。我如今在一个自我步行竞赛中困住了,如果每天走路少于1万步?我的肌肉可是会萎缩的!
Even the programmes already installed on your phone don’t let you be. If you have an iPhone, you’ll have a health app. It tells you how many steps you’ve walked a day. I am now locked in a competitive walking ritual with myself. Under 10,000? My muscles will atrophy!
这些应用的问题在于,它们很难让你对自己产生良好评价(我意识到我很少使用“问题”这个词,毕竟世界新闻摆在那里)。虽然每次跑步你的手机应用会给你一个虚拟的击掌(以示庆祝),但大多数时候,你没有在运动,这个应用让手机闪光、提醒你:你失败了。你可能生病了、或者情绪低落、更有可能是在忙碌于一个不错的新计划——然而这些都不是健康应用所关心的。
The problem with these programs, (and, yes, I’m aware that I use the word “problem” lightly – world news is over there) is that they rarely make you feel fantastic about yourself. For every run that your fitness app gives you a virtual high five for, there will be many other occasions when you haven’t worked out and you’ll see that little widget glinting at you, reminding you of your failure. You might’ve been ill, or depressed, or busy working on a brilliant new project – the app doesn’t care.