【Tips】成为好的交谈者How to have a great conversation part 2

Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life. 我其实是把作为职业访谈者一模一样的技巧用在了日常生活中。 ​So, I'm going to teach you how to interview people, and that's actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists. ​ 因此我要来教你们如何采访他人，这其实会帮助你们学习如何成为更好的沟通者。 ​Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody. 学习开始一段交谈，不浪费时间，不感到无聊，以及，最重要的是，不冒犯任何人。 We've all had really great conversations. We've had them before we know what it's like. 我们都曾有过很棒的交谈。在交谈结束后我们才知道那是什么感觉。 ​The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you've made a real connection or you've been perfectly understood. 那种结束之后令你感到很享受，很受鼓舞的交谈，或者令你觉得你和别人建立了真实的连接，或者让你完全得到了他人的理解。 ​There is no reason why most of your interactions can't be like that. 没有理由说你大部分人际互动不能成为那样。 ​So I have 10 basic rules. I'm going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you choose one of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations. 我有10条基本规则。我会一条条给你们解释，但说真的，如果你选择一条并且熟练掌握，你就已经可以享受更愉快的交谈了。 ​ Number one: Don't multitask. 第一条：不要三心二意。 ​And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand. 我不是说单纯放下你的手机、平板电脑、车钥匙，或者随便什么握在手里的东西。 ​I mean, be present. Be in that moment. 我的意思是，处在当下。进入到那个情境中去。 ​Don't think about your argument you had with your boss. Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner. 不要想着你之前和老板的争吵。不要想着你晚饭吃什么。 If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it. 如果你想退出交谈，就退出交谈。但不要身在曹营心在汉。 ​ Number two: Don't pontificate. 第二条：不要好为人师。 ​If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog. 如果你想要表达自己的看法，又不想留下任何机会让人回应、争论、反驳或阐发，写博客去。 ​Now, there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: Because they're really boring. 有个很好的理由来说明我的谈话里为什么不允许有”专家说教“：因为真的很无聊。 If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion. 如果对方是个保守派，那一定讨厌奥巴马、食品券和堕胎。 If they're liberal, they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney. 如果对方是个自由派，那一定会讨厌大银行、石油公司和迪克*切尼。 Totally predictable. 完全可以预测的。 And you don't want to be like that. You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. 你肯定不希望那样。你需要在进入每一次交流时都假定自己可以学习到一些东西。 The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said ​that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself. 著名的治疗师M.期科特.派克说过，真正的倾听需要把自己放在一边。 And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. 有时候，这意味着把你的个人观点放在一边。 He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. 他说感受到这种接纳，说话的人会变得越来越不脆弱敏感，因而越来越有可能打开自己的内心世界，呈现给倾听者。 Again, assume that you have something to learn. 再强调一遍，假定你需要学习新东西。 Bill Nye: 'Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't.' 比尔*奈伊说：”每一个你将要见到的人都有你不知道的东西。“ I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in something. ​ 我来复述一下：每个人都是某方面的专家。 ​ Number three: Use open-ended questions. 第三条：使用开放式问题。 ​In this case, take a cue from journalists. Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. 关于这一点，请参考记者采访的提问方式。以”谁“、”什么“、”何时“、”何地“、”为什么“或”如何“开始提问。 ​If you put in a complicated question, you're going to get a simple answer out. 如果你询问一个复杂的问题，将会得到一个简单的回答。 If I ask you, 'Were you terrified?' you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is 'terrified', and the answer is 'Yes, I was' or 'No, I wasn't'. 'Were you angry?' 'Yes, I was very angry.' 如果我问你：”你当时恐惧吗？“你会回应那句话中最有力的词，即”恐惧“，而答案将是”是的“或者”不是“。”你当时气愤吗？”“是的，我当时气得很。“ ​Let them describe it. They're the ones that know. 让对方去描述，对方才是了解情境的人。 Try asking them things like, 'What was that like?' 'How did that feel?' 试着这样问对方：”那是什么样子？“”你感觉怎么样？“ Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response. 因为这样一来，对方可能需要停下来想一想，而你会得到更有意思的回答。 ​ Number four: Go with the flow. 第四条：顺其自然。 ​That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind. 也就是说，想法会自然流入你的头脑，而你需要将它们表达出来。 ​We've heard interviews often in which a guest in talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out of nowhere, or it's already been answered. 我们常听到采访中嘉宾说了几分钟，然后主持人回过来问问题，这问题好像不知道从何而来或者已经被回答过了。 ​That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say that. 这说明主持人可能两分钟前就没在听，因为他想到了这个非常机智的问题，于是就心心念念想着问这个问题。 ​And we do the exact same thing. 我们同样也会这么干。 ​We're sitting there having a conversation with someone, and then we remember that time that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop. And we stop listening. 当我们和某人坐在一起交谈时，我们突然想起那次和休.杰克曼在咖啡店的偶遇。然后我们就不再听了。 ​Stories and ideas are going to come to you. You need to let them come and let them go. ​ 故事和想法总会不断向你涌来，但即便无法阻止，也不要让它们过多地在头脑中逗留。 ​ Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know. 第五点：如果你不知道，就说你不知道。 ​Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that they're going on the record, and so they're more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure. 广播节目里的人，尤其在全国公共广播电台（NPR）中，非常明白他们的谈话会被播放出去。所以他们对自己声称专业的地方以及言之凿凿的东西会更加小心。 Do that. Err on the side of caution. Talk should not be cheap. 要学着这样做。谨言慎行。谈话应该是负责任的行为。