Friends 205 The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant

【前言】略有删节哦，完整版私信~~ ROSS: Man, I sure miss Julie. CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. ROSS: You ever figure out what that thing&`&s for? CHANDLER: No, see, I&`&m trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I&`&m always answering the phone, people&`&ll think I don&`&t have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned. (MACHINE--JOEY&`&S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do. JADE: Hello, I&`&m looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don&`&t know if you&`&re still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it&`&s been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did? CHANDLER: What? JADE: I got a little drunk...and naked. CHANDLER: Bob here. CHANDLER: (on phone) What&`&ve you been up to? JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster. CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her. ROSS: I know. CHANDLER: I&`&m back. JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what? CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how &`&bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish? JADE: Great, I&`&ll see you then. CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off. ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I&`&m thinkin&`& when she sees you tomorow, she&`&s probably gonna realize, "hey, you&`&re not Bob." CHANDLER: I&`&m hoping that when Bob doesn&`&t show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table. ROSS: Oh my god. You are pure evil. CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I&`&ve done this. ROSS:Yeah, yeah, everybody&`&s here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico. ALL: Hi, Julie! RACHEL:Hi, Julie. CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday. PHOEBE: Um, is, is there any chance that you&`&re rounding up? You know, like from, like 20? …… ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I&`&ll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you&`&re not really gonna go through with this, are you? CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just. RACHEL: So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight? JOEY: Well I guess I gotta start savin&`& up for Ross&`&s birthday, so I guess I&`&ll just stay home and eat dust bunnies. PHOEBE: Can you believe how much this is gonna cost? RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don&`&t get that we don&`&t make as much money as they do? JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it&`&s like they&`&re always saying "let&`&s go here, let&`&s go there". Like we can afford to go here and there. PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it&`&s, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it&`&s not like we can say anything about it, &`&cause, like this birthday thing, it&`&s for Ross. JOEY: For Ross. RACHEL: For Ross, Ross, Ross. MONICA: (enters) Oh my god. RACHEL: Hey. JOEY: Hi. RACHEL: What? MONICA: I&`&m at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job. JOEY: If it&`&s not you, this is a horrible story. MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice. JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. How much do you think I can get for my kidney? ROSS: I&`&m tellin&`& you. You can&`&t do this. CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods. ROSS: That doesn&`&t matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people&`&s chance for happiness. CHANDLER: We don&`&t know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy. ROSS: Go over there and tell that woman the truth. CHANDLER: All right. ROSS: Go. CHANDLER: Hi. JADE: Hi. CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something. JADE: Yes? CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk. JADE: How did you--? CHANDLER: I don&`&t know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that&`&s me. I&`&m weird and sensitive. Tissue? JADE: Thanks. CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I&`&m all cried out today. ROSS: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef-- MONICA: Who is also in charge of purchasing. ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing-- MONICA: Who has her own little desk when Roland&`&s not there. ROSS: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland&`&s not there. Here&`&s to my little sister-- …… WAITER: Are we ready to order? RACHEL: Oh, you know what, we haven&`&t even looked yet. WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I&`&ll be right over there on the edge of my seat. PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices. RACHEL: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching. JOEY: What are these, like famous chickens? CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I&`&m late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I&`&m not sorry I&`&m late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade? ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine? CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn&`&t tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob&`&s number. ROSS: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls? WAITER: Do I dare ask? MONICA: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I&`&ll have the grilled prawns. ROSS: That sounds great. Same for me. WAITER: And for the gentleman? JOEY: Yeah, I&`&ll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper? WAITER: You&`&d think, wouldn&`&t you? Miss? RACHEL: Ok, I will have the uh, (whispers) side salad. WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of? RACHEL: Uh, I don&`&t know. Why don&`&t you put it right here next to my water? WAITER: And for you? PHOEBE: Um, I&`&m gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, and, um, take care. CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish. WAITER: Anything else? CHANDLER: Yes, how &`&bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You&`&re gonna sneeze on my fish, aren&`&t you? ROSS: (using calculator) Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, everyone owes 28 bucks. RACHEL: Um, everyone? ROSS: Oh, you&`&re right, I&`&m sorry. JOEY: Thank you. ROSS: Monica&`&s big night, she shouldn&`&t pay. MONICA: Oh, thank you! ROSS: So five of us is, $33.50 apiece. PHOEBE: No, huh uh, no way, I&`&m sorry, not gonna happen. CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback. PHOEBE: I&`&m sorry, Monica, I&`&m really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It&`&s just... ROSS: Ok, Pheebs! How &`&bout we&`&ll each just pay for what we had. It&`&s no big deal. PHOEBE: Not for you. MONICA: All right, what&`&s goin&`& on? RACHEL: Ok, look you guys, I really don&`&t want to get into this right now. I think it&`&ll just make everyone uncomfortable. …… CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven&`&t talked about this before? JOEY: &`&Cause it&`&s always somethin&`&, you know, like Monica&`&s new job, or the whole Ross&`&s birthday hoopla. ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don&`&t want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative--there&`&s gonna be a hoopla? RACHEL: Basically, there&`&s the thing, and then there&`&s the stuff after the thing. MONICA: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we&`&ll just do the gift. ROSS: G-gift? The thing&`&s not the gift? CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish. ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio. PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert. ROSS: No, look, hey, it&`&s my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together. …… MONICA: Why, it&`&s dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe. ROSS: Whoo! PHOEBE: Cool. MONICA: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you. ROSS: But wait, there&`&s more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope? CHANDLER: By the way, this didn&`&t seem so dorky in the hall. ROSS: Come on. CHANDLER: Why, it&`&s six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish! …… RACHEL: Ross, you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big. PHOEBE: Actually, it makes us feel that big. ROSS: I don&`&t, I don&`&t understand. I mean, you, it&`&s like we can&`&t win with you guys. CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that&`&s not our fault. Maybe that&`&s just how you feel. JOEY: Oh, now you&`&re tellin&`& us how you feel. RACHEL: Ok, we never shoulda talked about this. PHOEBE: I&`&m just gonna pass on the concert, &`&cause I&`&m just not in a very Hootie place right now. RACHEL: Me neither. JOEY: Me too. MONICA: Guys, we bought the tickets. PHOEBE: Oh, well, then you&`&ll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff. …… CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today. ROSS: Whoa! You had sex today? CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming. ROSS: Wow. CHANDLER: Now I know it&`&s been awhile, but I took it as a good sign. ROSS: Still doing the screening thing? CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again. MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do. JADE: Hey, Bob, it&`&s Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn&`&t show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy. …… JADE: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name. CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good. JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy. ROSS: Bumpy? CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you&`&re not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it. JADE: Well there really wasn&`&t much time to get used to it, you know what I mean? MONICA: You know what? I&`&m not gonna be able to enjoy this. ROSS: Yeah, I know, it&`&s my birthday. We all should be here. CHANDLER: So, let&`&s go. ROSS: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song. CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now. MONICA: You know, the guys are probably having a great time. JOEY: Come on you guys, one more time. PHOEBE: Ok. One. JOEY: Nooo. MONICA: That was amazing! ROSS: Excellent, that was excellent. CHANDLER: I can&`&t believe the guys missed this. ROSS: What guys? Oh, yeah. STEVE: Excuse me, you&`&re Monica Geller aren&`&t you? MONICA: Do I know you? STEVE: You used to be my babysitter. MONICA: Oh my god, little Stevie Fisher? How&`&ve you been? STEVE: Good, good, I&`&m a lawyer now. MONICA: You can&`&t be a lawyer. You&`&re eight. STEVE: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage. MONICA: Uh, wait, backstage? STEVE: Oh, yeah, my firm represents the band. ROSS: Ross. CHANDLER: Chandler. STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad? ROSS: Hey, you guys. RACHEL: Happy birthday. ROSS: Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was your night last night? RACHEL: Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How was yours? MONICA: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him? RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how&`&s his dad? MONICA: Uh, good. ROSS: Uh, aside from that, the whole even