Friends 221 The One With the Two Bullies

【前言】剧本，情节略删节~ Joey: Hey Monica, why are we watchin' the business channel? MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting. RACHEL: Ok honey, you really need a job. ROSS: Mon, speaking of which, dad says he knows someone you can call for an interview. MONICA: Really. PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there. ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh. PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father's last name. EVERYONE: Ahh. PHOEBE: And they were serving franks which is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken. MONICA: His indian name? PHOEBE: No because I chickened out the last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so. ROSS: Freakish. MONICA: Wow. JOEY: Freaky. MONICA: Weird, weird. RACHEL: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger? PHOEBE: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see him. MONICA: Why? PHOEBE: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist. …… CHANDLER: What just happened? LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat. CHANDLER: That, that is funny. Can I have it back? LITTLE BULLY: No. CHANDLER: No? BIG BULLY: No. ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat. BIG BULLY: Why should we? ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler... CHANDLER: Stop talking, stop talking now. Let me just get this straight. You're actually stealing my hat? BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that? CHANDLER: No, just wanna make sure we're on the same page. RACHEL: Hey, how'd the interview go? MONICA: It bit. It was a 50's theme restraunt. I have to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean I was a chef at Cafe des Artistes. I mean how could I take a job where I have to make something called Laverne and Curly Fries? …… MONICA: My stock, MEG, it went up 2 points. Hey guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 in myself yesterday that I'd like have...a lot more than that today. Ya know what, I'm gonna do it. JOEY: Do what? MONICA: Put all my money in me. RACHEL: Monica, what are you talking about? You don't know the first thing about the stock market. MONICA: What's to know? Buy sell, high low, bears bulls...[on the phone] Yes Manhattan...yeah telephone number of the stock...selling store. [Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.] JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a good idea? PHOEBE: Oh God, here we go. For the first time in my life I'm gonna say 'Hi birthfather'. RACHEL: We love you, we're here for you. JOEY: Yeah good luck, good luck. PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab] JOEY: Hey Rach, you uh, you want some sandwich? RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that? JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo. RACHEL: No no, 'cause mayo, that would make it gross. PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] Hey, hey, no, oh oh. RACHEL: Run Phoebe run. PHOEBE: No no no, doggie please. Oh, I do so wanna love all animals, please no. JOEY: Get him a bone, get a bone. You gotta bone? RACHEL: Are you kidding me? PHOEBE: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God, alright, get the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. Ok, alright, we have a problem. JOEY: Well why don't you just reach out and take his trampoline. RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we can do. JOEY: Hey, hey, hey no. RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say? JOEY: Well if he's not gonna eat it, I will. PHOEBE: Are you crazy? JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh. …… CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to. BIG BULLY: You know what I keep wondering? Why you two are still sitting here. ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat. GUNTHER: Fellas, these guys were here first. BIG BULLY: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize. LITTLE BULLY: Sorry. GUNTHER: There you go. ROSS: Thank you Gunther. We didn't want to have to go and do that. LITTLE BULLY: He told on us? BIG BULLY: You told on us? ROSS: Well pal, you didn't give me much of a choice. [flicks the ends of the big bully's tie] CHANDLER: Don't play with his things. ROSS: I know. BIG BULLY: Alright, let's take this outside. ROSS: Let's, let's take this outside? Who talks like that? BIG BULLY: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like that. CHANDLER: You had to ask. ROSS: Yeah. …… JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go. PHOEBE: Yeah, I don't know. RACHEL: What's the matter? PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right. RACHEL: Yeah Phoebe, I completely understand. JOEY: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey, you wanna go home? PHOEBE: Ok, thanks. Sorry, again PHOEBE: What was that? JOEY: Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now. MONICA: I wanna buy 5 shares of SGJ and I wanna buy them now. C'mon time is money my friend. Thank you. Wooo. RACHEL: Time is money my friend? JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wall street butt.' MONICA: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast, what have you done? JOEY: Well uh, I had breakfast here so technically I saved $3.50. RACHEL: How did you make $17. MONICA: Well, my financially challenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY. JOEY: How come those? MONICA: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy. RACHEL: What happened to uh, MEG.? MONICA: MEG was good for me but I dumped her. Ya know, my motto is get out before they go down. JOEY: That is so not my motto. PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. RACHEL: Hey Phoebs. Oh hey, how's the dog? PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow. JOEY: Good. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping. RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok? PHOEBE: I, I don't wanna meet my father over the phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the daughter you abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your dog.' JOEY: Hey Phoebs, if you want, I'll do it. PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone. RACHEL: She'll be a much better friend when the market closes. JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman. PHOEBE: So talk to her. JOEY: [in a fake voice] Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye. RACHEL: Why the voice. JOEY: Hard to say. …… ROSS: How come it's not mixing with the water? CHANDLER:Well the package says you have to uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir and drink, never let it settle. [they both try to drink while continuously stirring] JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there. CHANDLER: Ok. ROSS: No. CHANDLER: No? ROSS: No. Man I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. Ya know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys. CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer. JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before? ROSS: Yeah, sure. JOEY: By someone besides Monica? ROSS: No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. Ya know, like a, like a right of passage or somethin'. CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back. …… PHOEBE: Hi. MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog? PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian. MRS BUFFAY: What are these, stitches? PHOEBE: Yeah, eight of them. That's 56 to him. You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him look up too long 'cause that cone'll fill up really really fast. MRS BUFFAY: Yeah well, thanks for bringing back what's left of him. PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home. MRS BUFFAY: How do you know Frank? PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here? MRS BUFFAY: Yeah. Frank. FRANK: Yeah. What? PHOEBE: Oh, ok, um, I mean Frank senior. MRS BUFFAY: He went out for groceries. PHOEBE: Ok so will he be back soon? MRS BUFFAY: Well he left four years ago so we're expecting him back any minute now. PHOEBE: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the dog, everything. I'm sorry. …… ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take? CHANDLER: Would you come on! Come on! [waitress brings their coffee] Thank you. [They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks] CHANDLER: Ah, there we go. ROSS: I think we proved our point. CHANDLER: You burn your mouth? ROSS: Cannot feel my tounge. CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies. LITTLE BULLY: Oh, look who's here, it's the weenies. BIG BULLY: Did we not make ourselves clear the other day. ROSS: Yes, and that's why we're here. CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing out ground...apparently. LITTLE BULLY: Let's do this alright. ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon? LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs. CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this. LITTLE BULLY: Alright. [they all put up their fists and prepare to fight] CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon? ROSS: Whad'ya mean? CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it. BIG BULLY: No, you can't use your watch. CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket] BIG BULLY: Or your keys. CHANDLER: Ok. LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. Alright, c'mon man, let's do this. ROSS: Before I forget, are we hitting faces? BIG BULLY: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't you hit faces? ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation. LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea. BIG BULLY: Ok, nothing from the neck up. [everyone gets ready for the fight] Or the waist down. Dana's ovulating. ……