Friends 222 The One With the Two Parties

【前言】剧本，情节略删节~ MONICA: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a salmon. ALL: Ohhh. MONICA: What? ROSS: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things? MONICA: You wanna be in charge of the food committee? ROSS: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees? JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun? ROSS: Yeah. PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are. MONICA: Alright. If you guys don't want it to be special, fine. You can throw any kind of party you want. [Joey is staring at Monica's breasts] MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk. CHANDLER: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns. ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come. MONICA: Ok, um so, I still have to invite Dillon and Emma and Shannon Cooper. JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper. PHOEBE: Why not her? JOEY: Cause she uh, she steals stuff. CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back. MONICA: Joey that is horriable. JOEY: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too much. I don't know I guess I just got scared. PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I didn't know. JOEY: I didn't think anyone'd buy that, ok. ROSS: Hi honey, how did it go? RACHEL: Agh, it was the graduation from hell. CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship. RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica. MONICA: So what happened? RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours. PHOEBE: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents. MONICA: Well, how bout just her mom? CHANDLER: Why her mom? MONICA: Cause I already invited her. PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth? JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals. PHOEBE: Ok, here are the birthday candles. Where's the birthday cake? MONICA: Ok, we're not having birthday cake, we're having birthday flan. CHANDLER: Excuse me? MONICA: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert. JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo. [knock at the door] MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here? MR. GREENE: What? The father can't drop by to see the daughter on her birthday? MONICA: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass along the message, ok. So bye-bye. MR. GREENE: Ohhh, you're having a parteee. MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey. MR. GREENE: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, is that it? CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir? MRS. GREENE: Hi Monica. MONICA: Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus. CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy. JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed. MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. [they walk into Rachel's bedroom] MRS. GREENE: Well, my goodness, what was that? MONICA: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet. MRS. GREENE: You thought I was Rachel? CHANDLER: Yes because uh, you look so young. PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women. MRS. GREENE: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my coat in the bedroom? CHANDLER: NO! No, I'll take that for ya. MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was.. PHOEBE: Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. CHANDLER: Ok, think, what would Jack and Chrissy do? JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok we can come back out in the living room. MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place. CHANDLER: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again? MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area. JOEY: Right this is staging. CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area. JOEY: This is clearly in the wrong apartment. …… RACHEL: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here? CHANDLER: Well, we could count again. RACHEL: I can't believe this is happening. ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares. RACHEL: I do. ROSS: That's who. CHANDLER: Look, are you gonna be ok? RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes. CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan. RACHEL: What? CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee. CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party. JOEY: Quick volleyball question. CHANDLER: Volleyball. JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you? CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you. GIRL'S VOICE: Dennis. CHANDLER: Ok, that's me. RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while. ROSS: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers? RACHEL: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok. MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out. ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery....game? MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today. ROSS: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead. MONICA: Listen you guys, I don't mean to be a pain about this but, um, I've noticed that some of you are just placing them on. You wanna push the caps until you hear them click. [she demonstrates, Gunther starts to walk to the door] Gunther, where're you going? GUNTHER: I um, was sorta thinking about maybe... MONICA: No. No you can't go. No this is fun. Come on we're just getting started. Here, here's your marker. PHOEBE: Listen if you wanna go, just go. GUNTER: No, she'll yell at me again. PHOEBE: Alright, I can get you out. GUNTHER: What? PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back. …… MR. GREENE: Oh hello Ross, where have you been? ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse. MRS. GREENE: Oh, scotch neat. Ya know, that's Rachel's father's drink. ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister? MR. GREENE: I'm getting my cigarettes out of my jacket. ROSS: No. no. MR. GREENE: Whad'ya mean no? ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir. MR. GREENE: Get my glasses too. ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. MONICA: Ok, the first person's most embarassing memory is, 'Monica, your party sucks.' Very funny. PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster? MONICA: What? I don't see anything. PHOEBE: Great, I'm seeing water rings again. MRS. GELLER: Ross, whose glasses are those? ROSS: Mine. MRS. GREENE: You wear bi-focals? ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals. MRS. GREENE: Did you know my husband has glasses just like that? RACHEL: Well those are very popular frames. ROSS: Neil Sedaka wears them. GUY: I hear you can get people out of here. MRS. GREENE: Rachel, you didn't tell me your boyfriend smoked. RACHEL: Yeah, like a chimney. ROSS: Ohh, big smoker.Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. …… RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist? MRS. GREENE: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father. RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing. MR. GREENE: Did you know your mother spent $1200 dollars on bansai trees. I felt like Gulliver around that place. RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff. MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat. MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat... MRS. GREENE: He always ridiculed my pottery classs... MR. GREENE: ...and you sand it and you varnish it... MRS. GREENE: ...but when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs. MR. GREENE: ...and her yoga and her Bridges of Madison County... MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes... MR. GREENE: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua... MRS. GREENE: ...I may have only been in therapy for three weeks now dear but... MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat... CHANDLER: Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins.Hey, how you holdin' up there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports, I even got a governor. RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this? CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed. RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July. CHANDLER: Becasue it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other? RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream