Friends 522 The One With Joey's Big Break

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.] Ross: What's going on? Rachel: Well, my eye is a little itchy. (Ross turns to look at Joey.) Joey: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah. Monica: (To Rachel) Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor. Rachel: Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend! Chandler: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard! Monica: Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice! Chandler: Okay, so Richard, Richard! Monica: It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good. Rachel: Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor! Ross: Oh God, here we go! Chandler: What? Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.) Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please? All: All right, fine. Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.) Rachel: (flinches again) Monica! Come on! Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye) Rachel: (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on! Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.) Rachel: Chandler! Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.) Rachel: Just stop it! Come on! (Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.) Chandler: You okay there man? Joey: Yeah, I got too excited! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.] Ross: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park. Phoebe: Ohh, give him a kiss for me! Ross: All right, bye! Monica: Bye! Phoebe: Bye! Ross: Later! (Exits.) Phoebe: (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him! Chandler: Wow umm, calm down. Phoebe: I'm trying, but man that guy can push my buttons! Monica: Why are so mad at him? Phoebe: Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay? Monica: Well, it just seems that… Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way? Chandler: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like? Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it. Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!! Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?! Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears… But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years." Phoebe: Ohh-oh, chilling! Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy! Chandler: Yeah, I know that means buddy! Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday! Phoebe: Oh wait, my grandmother's dead. Chandler: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs. Phoebe: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas. Joey: All right! Thanks Pheebs! Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job? Joey: Oh umm, not go. Chandler: All right, great, road trip baby! (To Monica) This okay with you? Monica: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go. Chandler: Thank you. Monica: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment! Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule! Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.) [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Oh hey Joey! What's up? Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right? Phoebe: Yeah, I've been around. Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route? Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.} Joey: Great! Problem solved! Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe. Joey: Well, back to square one. Phoebe: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can. Joey: (quickly) Yes! Phoebe: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites? Joey: Peanut butter! Phoebe: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer? Joey: A swimmer! Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? Joey: Monica. Oh… huh, I always thought it would be Rachel. Phoebe: No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot? Joey: Ascot! Phoebe: North route or south route? Joey: North route! Phoebe: Bamn! There you go! Huh? Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come! Ross: (entering) Hey! Phoebe: Oh, this guy again. (She ignores him.) Joey: Hey man, what's up? Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight? Joey: Sure, what do you want to see? Ross: I don't know, umm… Joey: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game! Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.) Ross: What's with her? Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay? Ross: Okay. Joey: What do you like better action or comedy? Ross: Action. Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? (Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.) Ross: Dude, you are sick. Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing. [Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.] Rachel: Oh my God! What does that thing do? Monica: (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine. Rachel: All right, I'm outta here! Monica: I'm kidding! I'm kidding! (Rachel heads for the door but is intercepted by the doctor.) The Doctor: Hi Rachel! Rachel: Hey! The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine. Rachel: So were done then! Dr. Miller: Almost! But first, we gotta start. Rachel: Okay. Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test. Rachel: Uh-huh. Dr. Miller: Sit down. Rachel: Okay. Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye. Rachel: (jerks back from the tester) What?! Monica: A small puff of air, now come on! Dr. Miller: Here we go. Rachel: All right. Dr. Miller: 1…2…3! (Rachel jerks back on 3.) Rachel: I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. (Puts her head back.) Okay. Dr. Miller: Ready? Rachel: Uh-huh. Dr. Miller: 1…2… (She flinches on 2 this time.) Monica: Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head. Rachel: Okay. Dr. Miller: That's okay. Monica: Okay. (Monica backs off.) Rachel: Okay. Okay! Dr. Miller: 1…2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma. Rachel: (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to flinch and scream at him.) Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new. Rachel: Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye. Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months. Rachel: Great! Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye. Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.) Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D. Dr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are. Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.] Rachel: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better. Monica: They're still in my coat. Rachel: Damn! Chandler: (entering) Hey! Joey: Hey! You ready to go? Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.) (Monica stares at him.) Chandler: What? Monica: I love you. {There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!} Joey: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him! Phoebe: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind! Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite? Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room. Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot? Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket. Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money? Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire! Ross: (entering) Hey! Joey: Hey! Ross: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15. Joey: You got it! Ross: All right! (Joey nods to Chandler, no way!) Chandler: All right, bye-bye now! Phoebe: Bye! Rachel: Bye you guys! Joey: Bye-bye! Monica: I wanna say good-bye at the car! Chandler: Okay! Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car? Rachel: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss. (Pause.) Joey: See ya! (Walks out.) Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.) Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? ……