Friends 711-12 The One With All The Cheesecakes / The One Where They’re Up All Ni

[Scene: Chandler and Monica’s, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table eating cheesecake. The box it came in is also on the table.] Chandler: Ohh. Mmm. Rachel: (Comes in the front door and walks towards the kitchen.) Hi. Chandler: Hey, you have got to try this cheesecake. Rachel: Oh, y’know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I—(Chandler puts a forkful of the cheesecake in her mouth.)—Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? (She reaches over to look at the label on the box.) Chandler: (nervously) It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent it to us. Rachel: Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. (Gasping) Thief. Chandler: I—no! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't return a box after you've opened the box. Rachel: Why, why not? Chandler: Because it's too delicious. Rachel: Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That is wrong. Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Momma’s Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, I’m a horrible, horrible, horrible person. Rachel: (taking a bite) Oh, I’m sorry what? Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts putting on his coat.] Joey: All right, I should get going, big day a work. Y’know I’m in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out I’m not brain dead. Chandler: So… Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, it’s just not my character that’s not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight? Phoebe: Absolutely! Joey: I’ll see you at 8:00. Phoebe: Okay. (Joey exits.) Chandler: Oh, what’s at 8:00? Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys. Ross: Wow, did not know that! May I say how lovely you look today? Phoebe: Duly noted. Ross: Thanks. (Phoebe gets up to get a refill.) (To Monica) Oh! So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what? Monica: What are you talking about? Ross: Cousin Frannie’s wedding, its tomorrow night. Monica: You were invited?! Ross: No. Monica: My God, I can’t believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable! Chandler: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannie’s made some new friends. Ross: Well l-look okay, it’s probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail. Monica: Yeah, well you call her and tell her that y’know when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadn’t have stopped her, there probably wouldn’t even be a wedding to go too. Ross: Y’know, she tried to undress me too. Chandler: I used to undress my cousin Glenn. (Monica looks at him then sushes him.) [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross are playing Monopoly as Phoebe enters angrily.] Phoebe: Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!! Rachel: Umm, I think he’s still out. What’s wrong? Phoebe: Well, I’ll tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note. (Hands it to Rachel.) Rachel: (reading the note) "Pheebs, can’t make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy." (Laughs) Big Daddy? Phoebe: Oh that’s a nickname we were trying out. Ross: Hey, y’know what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica shakes her head in disgust.) Joey: (entering) Hey! Phoebe: Oh! Here’s Joseph Francis! Joey: Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for?! I left you a note! Phoebe: So what?! That doesn’t give you the right to ditch me! Joey: Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex! Ross: Phoebe he’s right, that is the rule. Phoebe: I don’t accept this rule. When me make plans, I expect you to show up. Okay, I can’t just be a way to kill time ‘til you meet someone better! Y’know boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this (Motions that their friendship) is for life! Joey: Wow! I’m so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much. Phoebe: Well, it does. Joey: Okay, can I-can I make it up to you? Huh? I’m sorry. (They hug.) How about uh, dinner tomorrow night?! I’ll pay for myself! Phoebe: Okay, you wore me down. Ross: Hey Joe, while you’re over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron? Joey: The Ross—Is that back?!! (Chandler motions no.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters to find Chandler staring at another cheesecake box.] Rachel: Hi! Chandler: Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again! Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, what’s the problem? Chandler: I can’t seem to say goodbye. Rachel: Are you serious?! Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago and you want more? Chandler: Well I’ve forgotten what it tastes like okay?! Rachel: It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling… (Pause) Wow! My whole mouth just filled with saliva! Chandler: (closing the box) Y’know what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake. Rachel: Yeah and we’ll drop it off downstairs so that we’re not tempted. Chandler: Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch? Rachel: Momma’s Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. (They exit with the cheesecake.) [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Joey are there. Joey is reading a newspaper.] Joey: Awww! Mel Torme died. Monica: Joey, that paper’s like a year old! Joey: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goody’s sale is over?! Ross: (entering) Hey. Joey: Hey. Monica: Hey. Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasn’t a mistake. Ahh, there’s-there’s limited seating in the hall. Monica: Limited seating?! (Screechingly) I am just one tiny person! Ross: Well yeah, but she doesn’t know that. I mean, the last time she saw you-you would’ve turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling. Monica: (disgusted) Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! That’s not the reason she’s not inviting me! Ross: Oh what’s the big deal?! I wasn’t even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and y’know what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then we’ll-we’ll leave early as a sign of protest. Monica: Joan? Ross: Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. She’s an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed! Monica: Wait a minute, you got Ross Gellar and guest?! I wasn’t invited and you got "and guest?!" Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross’s behalf. I-I think the rule applies here y’know, since she has a chance to get on broad back… Ross: (interrupting) Not broad backed! Monica: Wait a minute, y’know, you’re bringing me! Ross: What? I can’t cancel on Joan! Monica: Why not?! Ross: Bec—Did you not hear me?! She’s an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? They’re wild! Why do you want to come anyway? Monica: Because! She’s my cousin. I mean, we grew up together! We’re family y’know? Well that’s important to me. Ross: Okay, all right, I’ll take you. I’ll go call Joan. (Does so.) Joey: Aww that’s nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life. Monica: (laughs) We’ll see. [Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachel’s building, Chandler and Rachel are returning from lunch.] Chandler: Well, thank you for lunch. Rachel: What? Wait a minute, I didn’t pay, I thought you paid! Chandler: So apparently we just don’t pay for food anymore. (Rachel laughs then Chandler notices something.) Do you see what I see? Rachel: (gasps) Its still there! (The cheesecake they returned to Mrs. Braverman is still lying in front of her door.) Chandler: Mrs. Braverman must be out. (They move closer to it.) Rachel: She could be out of town. Maybe she’ll be gone for months. Chandler: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We don’t want her to come back to bad cheesecake. Rachel: No that could kill her. Chandler: Well, we don’t want that. Rachel: No so we’re protecting her. Chandler: But we should take it. Rachel: But we should move quick. Chandler: Why? Rachel: Because I think I just heard her moving around in there. Chandler: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (Rachel grabs the cheesecake and they take off upstairs.) [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are entering. As Phoebe is sitting down, she recognizes someone sitting at the counter.] Phoebe: (gasps) (whispering) Oh my God! That’s David! Monica: David who? Phoebe: David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David! David: (noticing Phoebe) Oh my God! Phoebe: Oh, you say someone’s name enough, they turn around. David: Phoebe? Phoebe: David! (He kisses her cheek) What-what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Russia? David: Yeah, I’m just, I’m just in town for a conference. Umm, God you look phenomenal! Phoebe: Well… Yeah. You look great too. Did you get a haircut? David: Yeah. Well I-I got like thirty of them. Phoebe: Yeah. David: Umm, look I-I-I got a confession to make… Phoebe: Uh-huh. David: Uh, I-I-I was hoping to run into you here. I didn’t know whether I should call or not, y’know I-I was only in town for a few days. And y’know, I didn’t want to intrude on your life or-or anything like that, but I-I really wanted to see you and—but I didn’t know if you wanted to see me. Phoebe: Well, of course I would want to see you. I…I think about you all the time. David: Really? Because I think about you all the time. Phoebe: Really? David: I mean, there’s a statue in Minsk… Phoebe: Uh-huh. David: That reminds me of you so much, I mean umm, it-it’s actually of Lenin. But, y’know at certain angles… Phoebe: Yeah. David: Umm, anyway…Do you want to have dinner tonight? Phoebe: (excited) Yes! Oh no! David: (disappointed) Oh. Uh, what? Phoebe: I can’t. I can’t believe I have plans, I can’t. Can you do it tomorrow night though? David: Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well listen, y’know, next time you’re in Minsk umm… Monica: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? Phoebe: Uh-huh. (They go over and talk.) Monica: What are you doing? Phoebe: Well, I have plans with Joey tonight. Monica: So! He’ll understand! Phoebe: No he won’t. And that’s not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now y’know what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I don’t have my principles, I don’t have anything! Monica: God, you are so strong. Phoebe: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00! Commercial Break [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.] Rachel: (taking a bite) Oh my God! That is so good! Chandler: I’m full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I’ll regret it. Joey: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Joey: (seeing what they’re doing) What do you got there? Rachel: Oh it’s umm, it’s tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.) Chandler: What are you doing tonight? ……