别让我走

海尔森表面上看来是一所迷人的英国寄宿学校，遗世而独立。学生皆能受到良 英文原版封面好的照护与协助，并且在艺术与文学方面训练有素，完全符合这个世界对于他们的期望。但是，奇怪的是，他们从未学习任何有关外面世界的事物，对于外界也少有接触。 　　在海尔森的校区内，凯西从女童成长为一名年轻女性，然而却要到了她和露丝、汤米两位朋友离开学校这个安全国度以后，才真正明了学校的全部真相，而且逐渐明白记忆中无瑕的成长过程，处处皆是无法追寻的惶惑与骇人的问号；他们的寿命将会随着「器官捐献」而慢慢步入死亡…… 　　一个扣人心弦的谜题和一则教人心碎的爱情故事，《别让我走》可能是石黑一雄至今最感人、影响最深的一部作品。本书不但承袭了石黑一雄一贯的典雅文风，却也尖锐的阐明人性的脆弱与希望，是一部巧妙融合了推理、悬疑、科幻与爱情元素的杰作。作者观察细腻，即便是最为平凡的事物与人际互动，也能赋予充满洞见、活跃生动的超凡想像。同时，这个反乌托邦的故事为本书积蓄特殊电荷……这是一个史诗般的伦理恐怖小说，体现有如椎心之痛的经历故事……石黑一雄创造出了一本笔锋严厉的警世小说，讽喻超越伦理纲常的科学 。 My name is Kathy H. I&``&&`&m thirty-one years old, and I&``&&`&ve been a carer now for over eleven years. That sounds long enough, I know, but actually they want me to go on for another eight months, until the end of this year. That&``&&`&ll make it almost exactly twelve years. Now I know my being a carer so long isn&``&&`&t necessarily because they think I&``&&`&m fantastic at what I do. There are some really good carers who&``&&`&ve been told to stop after just two or three years. And I can think of one carer at least who went on for all of fourteen years despite being a complete waste of space. So I&``&&`&m not trying to boast. But then I do know for a fact they&``&&`&ve been pleased with my work, and by and large, I have too. My donors have always tended to do much better than expected. Their recovery times have been impressive, and hardly any of them have been classified as "agitated," even before fourth donation. Okay, maybe I am boasting now. But it means a lot to me, being able to do my work well, especially that bit about my donors staying "calm." I&``&&`&ve developed a kind of instinct around donors. I know when to hang around and comfort them, when to leave them to themselves; when to listen to everything they have to say, and when just to shrug and tell them to snap out of it. Anyway, I&``&&`&m not making any big claims for myself. I know carers, working now, who are just as good and don&``&&`&t get half the credit. If you&``&&`&re one of them, I can understand how you might get resentful--about my bedsit, my car, above all, the way I get to pick and choose who I look after. And I&``&&`&m a Hailsham student--which is enough by itself sometimes to get people&``&&`&s backs up. Kathy H., they say, she gets to pick and choose, and she always chooses her own kind: people from Hailsham, or one of the other privileged estates. No wonder she has a great record. I&``&&`&ve heard it said enough, so I&``&&`&m sure you&``&&`&ve heard it plenty more, and maybe there&``&&`&s something in it. But I&``&&`&m not the first to be allowed to pick and choose, and I doubt if I&``&&`&ll be the last. And anyway, I&``&&`&ve done my share of looking after donors brought up in every kind of place. By the time I finish, remember, I&``&&`&ll have done twelve years of this, and it&``&&`&s only for the last six they&``&&`&ve let me choose. And why shouldn&``&&`&t they? Carers aren&``&&`&t machines. You try and do your best for every donor, but in the end, it wears you down. You don&``&&`&t have unlimited patience and energy. So when you get a chance to choose, of course, you choose your own kind. That&``&&`&s natural. There&``&&`&s no way I could have gone on for as long as I have if I&``&&`&d stopped feeling for my donors every step of the way. And anyway, if I&``&&`&d never started choosing, how would I ever have got close again to Ruth and Tommy after all those years? But these days, of course, there are fewer and fewer donors left who I remember, and so in practice, I haven&``&&`&t been choosing that much. As I say, the work gets a lot harder when you don&``&&`&t have that deeper link with the donor, and though I&``&&`&ll miss being a carer, it feels just about right to be finishing at last come the end of the year. Ruth, incidentally, was only the third or fourth donor I got to choose. She already had a carer assigned to her at the time, and I remember it taking a bit of nerve on my part. But in the end I managed it, and the instant I saw her again, at that recovery centre in Dover, all our differences--while they didn&``&&`&t exactly vanish-- seemed not nearly as important as all the other things: like the fact that we&``&&`&d grown up together at Hailsham, the fact that we knew and remembered things no one else did. It&``&&`&s ever since then, I suppose, I started seeking out for my donors people from the past, and whenever I could, people from Hailsham. There have been times over the years when I&``&&`&ve tried to leave Hailsham behind, when I&``&&`&ve told myself I shouldn&``&&`&t look back so much. But then there came a point when I just stopped resisting. It had to do with this particular donor I had once, in my third year as a carer; it was his reaction when I mentioned I was from Hailsham. He&``&&`&d just come through his third donation, it hadn&``&&`&t gone well, and he must have known he wasn&``&&`&t going to make it. 　依然在追问生命的意义 　　----导读石黑一雄的《别让我走》 　　蔡诗萍 作家、主持人 　　人，失去什么，才最令她（他）痛苦呢？ 　　也许，石黑一雄在他的小说中，要回答的，就是这么简单的疑惑吧。 　　但这回，他把追寻这疑惑的主体，放到一群在人类眼中不该具有主体性的「器官捐赠人」身上。甚至，这群名称听起来有点「公益性质」的「器官捐赠人」，能否称之为「人」，在一定程度上，都还是个疑问呢。 　　在尚未读石黑一雄的《别让我走》之前，我脑海里总萦绕着《长日将尽》里的画面：大英帝国日落西山前一片山雨欲来风满楼的阴郁，而一位偏执中年男管家却面临最后爱情机会即将消逝的犹豫徬徨。那是一幅绝佳的虚构场景，却迫使读者不得不去思索个人在时代帷幕下，千丝万缕的连动关系。 　　在读了石黑一雄的《别让我走》之后，我脑海中则联想到电影《银翼杀手》（Blade runner，1982）。只不过电影里的杀手，专司四处缉捕、杀戮想逃窜的复制人，这些复制人被复制来执行的任务，则是充当人类殖民外太空的「智慧奴工」，科幻电影的声光效果之下，原著小说依然试着抛出了一个很人性的问题：复制人有完成使命的技能后，他们也有灵魂，有爱恨、嫉妒与恐惧吗？他们逃避追缉，目的是想活着，然而复制人活着，本身有「生存的意义」吗？ 　　黑石一雄笔下的「这群人」，可没有杀手追杀他们，但他们生来注定要扮演重复捐赠器官的任务，而后渐渐死去。他们又与《银翼杀手》里的「复制人奴工」，有多大差异呢？ 　　石黑一雄不是科幻小说家​，他写出《别让我走》，与其说是在探讨复制人问题，不如说他更大的意图，仍在探索生命的意义，以及个人置身扑朔迷离大环境中那种似懂非懂的「存在疑惑」。 　　复制人议题，最迷人之处，是造物者与被创造者之间的关系；复制人议题，最难被合理解答者，又莫过于形体可以复制，但「灵魂」，可以被复制吗？有了灵魂的复制人，在不断执行被交代、赋予的任务后，他们难道不会有累积的记忆；而后又在累积的记忆基础上，他们难道不会有了思索，有了对存在意义的思索吗？人类行使复制工程时，仅单纯希望复制出「功能俱在」的简单心灵，然而，当人类发现这群「简单心灵」也有情绪，也有记忆，也有追寻生命价值的心灵能量时，人作为造物主，又该怎么办呢？ 　　他选择了一个二十一世纪，显然不能闪躲的敏感问题，如果人类可以「复制生命」，并以之作为延续人类生命的「维修品」，那人类会如何「豢养复制品」，而被豢养的复制品，有朝一日突然「灵魂开窍」时，又是怎样的一个局面呢。 　　《别让我走》里很感人的情节是，几个「器官捐赠人」，多年后相聚，并相伴回到他们成长的学校，其实也就是他们被豢养的地方，重新追寻并且缀拾记忆的拼图。他们彼此调侃小时的记忆，去捕捉个别生命过往中已然模糊的片段，并寻求别人记忆的补充。最终，他们还是不断问到：我们是谁，我们有灵魂吗，我们不断的充当别人的器官维修品，我们的意义在哪？ 　　跟人类一样，当复制人填补了记忆的空缺，满意的接受了自己存在的目的后，他们的焦虑平息，生命的骚动复归于平静。当复制人之间，对即将告别的友人，亦轻轻呼唤着「别让我走」时，石黑一雄亦充分完成了他小说家的人文终极关怀