介绍:
中英对照演讲稿
Now, everyone wants to know what percentage of people cheat. I've been asked that question since I arrived at this conference. (Laughter) It applies to you. But the definition of infidelity keeps on expanding: sexting, watching porn, staying secretly active on dating apps. So because there is no universally agreed-upon definition of what even constitutes an infidelity（不忠）, estimates vary widely, from 26 percent to 75 percent. But on top of it（除此之外）, we are walking contradictions（自相矛盾）. So 95 percent of us will say that it is terribly wrong for our partner to lie about having an affair, but just about the same amount of us will say that that's exactly what we would do if we were having one. (Laughter)
大家都想知道， 出轨的人到底占多少百分比。 从我到达现场， 就不停有人问这个问题。 （笑声） 这跟你们也有关系。 因为出轨的含义在不断扩大： 发色情短信，看黄片， 在约会软件上玩暧昧。 正因为缺乏一个统一的定义， 到底什么才算出轨， 因此这个百分比范围很广， 从26%到75%。 但与此相矛盾的是， 有95%的人认为， 另一半试图掩盖 出轨的事实是不可饶恕的， 但差不多同样多的人也会说： 如果我出轨的话肯定也不会声张。 （笑声）
People who have affairs always tell me. They feel alive. And they often will tell me stories of recent losses -- of a parent who died, and a friend that went too soon, and bad news at the doctor. Death and mortality often live in the shadow of an affair, because they raise these questions. Is this it? Is there more? Am I going on for another 25 years like this? Will I ever feel that thing again? And it has led me to think that perhaps these questions are the ones that propel people to cross the line, and that some affairs are an attempt to beat back deadness, in an antidote（对抗手段） to death.
我走遍世界， 遇到很多有婚外情的人， 他们总是跟我说一个词， 他们觉得自己“活着”。 紧接着他们会告诉我， 自己最近失去了什么人。 比如父母去世， 朋友出了意外， 谁查出来得了绝症。 婚外情常常同死亡 和人生苦短联系在一起， 因为他们经常会问， 就这样了吗？会不会还有其他人出现？ 我是不是还要这么过25年？ 我还能不能感受到爱？ 这不禁让我思考， 也许正是这些问题， 推动他们跨过了红线， 有些人想通过婚外情来重拾信心， 对抗情感的死亡。
And contrary to what you may think, affairs are way less about sex, and a lot more about desire: desire for attention, desire to feel special, desire to feel important. And the very structure of an affair, the fact that you can never have your lover, keeps you wanting. That in itself is a desire machine, because the incompleteness, the ambiguity, keeps you wanting that which you can't have.
可能与你们想的恰恰相反， 婚外情跟性的关系更小， 却与渴望密切相关： 渴望被关注，渴望重拾信心， 渴望被人需要。 婚外情的显著特点， 就是你无法完全拥有你的情人， 这让你欲罢不能。 就像有一台欲望机器在不断驱动你， 种种不完整，种种暧昧不清， 让你对得不到的东西念念不忘。
Every affair will redefine a relationship, and every couple will determine what the legacy of the affair will be. But affairs are here to stay, and they're not going away. And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator（加害者）. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.
每一场婚外情都会重新定义一段婚姻， 每一对夫妻都将经历 婚外情给他们带来的影响。 但婚外情不会消失， 它将一直存在。 关于爱和欲望的困境， 不能简单地划分黑白和对错， 区分受害者和罪犯。 一段婚姻中的背叛可以有很多种形式。 我们背叛伴侣的方式很多： 藐视，忽视， 冷漠，暴力。（肉体）出轨只是伤害伴侣的方式之一。 换句话说，婚外情的受害者并不一定是婚姻的受害者。
I look at affairs from a dual perspective（ 一分为二来看 问题）: hurt and betrayal on one side, growth and self-discovery on the other -- what it did to you, and what it meant for me. And so when a couple comes to me in the aftermath of an affair that has been revealed, I will often tell them this: Today in the West, most of us are going to have two or three relationships or marriages, and some of us are going to do it with the same person. Your first marriage is over. Would you like to create a second one together?Thank you.
我将婚外情一分为二来看： 一方面是伤害和背叛， 另一方面是成长和自我发现。 婚外情给你带来了什么， 对我又意味着什么。 当婚外情被发现， 夫妻俩来找我， 我经常会告诉他们： 今天在西方社会， 大部分人会有2、3段恋情， 或者婚姻， 其中有些人是跟同一个人一起经历的。 你的第一段婚姻结束了， 你还愿意跟你的另一半重新开始第二段吗？谢谢大家。
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