一只狗狗的内心独白 · 熊叔

为你读英语美文·第249期：一只狗狗的内心独白 · 熊叔 主播：熊叔 坐标：上海 每周一，三晚8点公众号首播 How Could You? When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. 当我还是傻里傻气的小狗时，一举一动都会令你乐不可支，你称我为自己的骨肉，唤我作心肝宝贝。虽然，我解剖过你几个枕头，咬烂过你不少鞋子。但我们还是成为了最亲密的朋友。 Whenever I was "bad," you&`&d shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you&`&d relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. 每次我坏坏，你都会指着我，大叫，how could you!! 但转眼又会按捺不住，眉开眼笑地把我反过来搓肚子。我记得是多少个晚上，我在被窝里，鼻子拱着你，听着你说秘密，说理想，说梦话。噢，那是多么美好的日子。 We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. 我们一起散步，一起奔跑，一起游车河，一起买雪糕，每次你都把雪糕吃完，把雪糕筒留给我，还假惺惺说雪糕对我有害呢。你上班，我会晒着太阳，半睡半醒地等你回来，有时候梦见你，有时候想着你。 Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. 你越来越忙，除了工作，也开始拍拖。我仍然每天等你，在你心碎，失意的时候安慰你，无论你对或错，我都只会默默支持你，你回家，我当然雀跃，嗅出你恋爱的喜悦，我更加欣喜若狂。 She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." 她，现在是你的妻子了，并不太喜欢狗，但我仍然欢迎她。我对她唯命是从，尝试用热情感动她。你快乐，所以我快乐。婴儿一个个出世，我和你同样兴奋。看到他们娇嫩粉红的肌肤，嗅着他们的气息，令我觉得自己也是父母，我也想照顾他们。但她，和你，却担心小孩的安全，最后，我不是被关在工作间，就是给困到笼子里。唉。我是这样地爱他们，但爱，却把我囚禁起来。 As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them, especially their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. 小孩子慢慢长大，我终于成为他们的好朋友。他们扯着我的毛，战战兢兢走出第一步。他们用小手指戳我的眼睛，好奇地拉开我的耳朵研究，又热情地吻我的鼻子。他们怎么搞，我都无任欢迎，毕竟，你已经很少跟我玩了。我愿意付出性命，来保护他们。我会钻进被窝，听他们的小烦恼，小梦话，我又会和他们一起等待每天你回家的钥匙声。 There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being your dog to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. 从前，朋友问起你有没有养狗，你的急不及待地从银包拿出我的相片，兴奋地讲我们的故事。这几年，你只会嗯一声，就转话题。我也从你的“心肝宝贝”，变成你养的“一条狗”。我更留意到，你对我的支出和费用，开始邹眉头了。 Now you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You&`&ve made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. 现在，你要调去上海工作，公司为你租的大厦不准养宠物，你为“家庭”，做出了理性的抉择。只可惜，没人提醒你，曾几何时，我就是你的“家庭”。 I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with "papers." 很久没游车河了，我真的有点兴奋，直至，我进入了“爱护动物协会”，猫、狗、绝望、和恐惧的气味涌进我的鼻子里。你填好文件，说“我知道你们会替它找到一个好归宿的。”工作人员耸耸肩，一脸无奈。他们都知道，就算有出生纸，为中年犬寻找一个家有多渺茫。 You had to pry your son&`&s fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don&`&t let them take my dog!" And I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" 你的儿子尖叫着“爸爸，不要让他们带走我的狗！”你要撬开他的手指，他才肯松开我的颈圈。我实在替他担心，我担心你刚刚为他上的一堂课，会令他一生对友谊，忠诚，爱，和责任，和所有生命都需要尊重的价值产生怀疑。你留下了颈圈和皮带，避开我的视线，拍拍我的头说再见。赶着开会的你，看看表，时间已不多，我不用开会，但情况似乎一样，你走后，两位工作人员谈起来，说你几个月前就知道自己要调职，爲什麽不自己尝试替我找户好人家？她们摇摇头，说“how could you??” They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. 工作人员忙得要命，但很看顾我们，每天都有食物供应，可惜，我一点食欲都没有。 At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. 起初，每当有人走近囚室，我都以为是你回心转意，连跑带跳地冲向铁栏杆，希望一切只是一场噩梦。后来，我开始期盼会是想收养我的好心人，任何人，只要把我从这梦靥就出去就好。最后我明白我不是中心其他幼犬的对手，他们活泼可爱，没有包袱，我开始长期缩在囚室一角，静静等待。有天，下班前，我听到脚步声来稳我，跟着她，我穿过长长的走廊，进了一个房间，静得，像天国的一个房间。 She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" 她把我放在桌子上，揉着我耳朵，叫我不要怕。我的心砰砰跳，估量着下一步是什麽。暗地里，却有点如释重负。做囚犯的日子，似乎走到尽头了。我的天性不改，看见她边拿起针筒边流泪，又开始为她担心。我明明白白她的心情，正如我明明白白你一样。我轻轻地舔着她的手安慰她，就如从前安慰你一样。她专业地把针头滑进静脉，刺痛带着一阵清凉的液体流遍我全身。我累了，躺下了，想睡了。抬头望着她慈爱的眼睛，我喃喃怨道“how could you?” Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I&`&m so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn&`&t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. 她不知是看得懂，还是听得懂，抱着我，抱歉地说对不起，又匆匆解释了一切都是爲了确保我不用受苦，不用受遗弃。我去的地方充满爱。充满光明，会比这个世界更加适合我。 With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty. 我用尽最后一份气力，重重地摆了摆尾巴，想告诉她，那句“how could you”不是对她说的。是对我最爱的主人说的。我会永远想念你，也会永远等你。我希望你一生遇上的所有人，都和我一样有情有义，都和我对你一样忠诚..