纯享版 | 情深我心 · 罗斌

科学家费曼致妻子阿琳的一封情书 October 17, 1946 1946年10月17日 D’Arline, 阿琳： I adore you, sweetheart. 我的心上人！你是我崇爱的女神！ I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you. 我知道你有多爱听我这么说，但我的表白不只是为了你爱听。我之所以写信给你，还因为这让我的内心深处充满了温情。 It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. 上次给你写信已经是很久以前的事了——就快两年了，我才再次动笔，但我确信你会原谅我的，因为你了解我为人处事的方式，既固执又现实；而且在此期间，我觉得写信没什么意义。 But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you. 不过，我的爱妻，如今我意识到，还是应该去做已经被我拖延了很久的事情——给你写信，况且我在已往的日子里，给你写过好多封信。我想告诉你的是，我深爱着你！我渴望去爱护你，直到永远、直到地老天荒… I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do? We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures. 自从你撒手人寰以后，在我的心中难以参悟的是，对你的爱恋究竟意味着什么。但我依旧想要带给你慰籍，照顾你的起居，我也渴求得到你的爱和关怀。我想找些问题和你一起探讨，也就是说，我想和你一起做些小“项目”。我以前未曾想过，直至片刻之前才意识到，我们其实是可以如此这般地生活的。我们应该做什么呢？我们不妨从学做裁缝入手，或者学**中文，或者买台放映机在家中看电影。现在我自己就不能找点事情做吗？我做不到了——没有了你，我倍感孤独和无助。你，是我们共同拥有的所有那些无拘无束、异乎寻常、激动人心的经历的“女创意师”和总策划人。 When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive. 在你生病期间，你总是心神不宁，因为你无法再给我那些你想要给我的东西，以及那些你相信我会需要的东西。其实你没必要为我担心，正如我当时告诉你的那样，我其实什么都不需要，原因就在于我爱你，以好多种方式深爱着你！如今这一切变得更加明白无误了——你现在什么都给不了我，而我对你的爱却刻骨铭心，以至于我无法再爱上别人。但是我渴望把你永远珍藏在心底——虽然你的生命之火已经熄灭，但你依然是我的至爱，天下无双！ I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real. 我知道，你肯定会嗔怪我傻得可笑，你肯定会希望我幸福美满，你肯定不想成为我的心理负担。我确信,你一定会感到十分意外：你去世两年了，我却连个女朋友都没有（除了你，我的心上人）！可是，亲爱的，你帮不了我的，我本人也无能为力。我不明白这是为什么，因为我其实认识了很多女孩，非常漂亮的女孩，而且我也不想孑然一身，孤单下去。但约会过两三次以后，她们在我眼里都失去了魅力。光彩依旧的只有你，你是我的唯一，从未离我而去。 My darling wife, I do adore you. 爱妻，你是我的女神！ I love my wife. My wife is dead. 爱妻，我爱你！ 爱妻，你为什么悄无声息？ Rich. 理查德 PS: Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address. 又及：请原谅我没有把这封信寄给你——我想寄，可是我不知道你住在哪里。