介绍:
First Kiss Disaster/ 初吻之灾
Everyone knows that your first kiss is supposed to be mind-blowing and life changing. At least， this is what fairytales and Hollywood like to promise young girls who are seeking their own Prince Charming. I have to admit that before last night，I-like many girls-was suckered into the belief that my first kiss was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I assumed it would be magical. I was convinced that at the moment my lips made contact with the love of my life，the starry skies would explode with color and a choir would immediately start singing “Hallelujah！”
Well，I sort of feel like an idiot now because my first kiss was definitely not the best thing that，s ever happened to me. In fact，it was quite the opposite...
My mother is，well，a very uptight kind of person. My younger sister Jane and I have concluded that she was a drill sergeant in a previous life. We were only allowed to group date until we turned eighteen，which was a huge problem because I had just agreed to go out on a date with Derek Corey... alone.
Five o，clock rolled around slowly. When I saw Derek，s car I quickly grabbed my purse，and raced to the front door. My hands were dripping with sweat. At first，the car door handle slipped between my fingers. Frantic，I wiped my hands against the side of my sweater before entering the car.
After I took my seat，I gazed up at Derek，who is simply gorgeous-dark wavy black hair and striking indigo blue eyes. I was the luckiest girl in the universe.
“You look nice，”he said and his breath smelled like winter mint .“Ready？”I nodded. I glanced up at my house，noticing Jane and my cousin Clare staring at me through my window， laughing. I didn，t really care because I was with Derek. The entire drive to the movie theater I kept thinking of how lovely my new name would sound. Roxanne Corey. I loved it. We pulled up to the movie theater and hopped out of the car.
He quickly started walking off. I raced up to him，wiping the sweat off my hand onto my sweater once again，and took a risk by holding his hand. My face heated up. He looked down at me， smiling.
Yes！
We walked up to buy our tickets. I couldn，t wait to see27 Dresses.“Two for There Will Be Blood，”Derek said.
“What？”I asked.“I thought we were seeing 27 Dresses.”
“Don，t worry，”he told me.“If you get scared you can hide behind my arm.”I was starting to have a bad feeling about this.
Before going into the theater，Derek bought us a bag of popcorn along with two sodas. Then he asked for one more thing... a chilidog with extra onions. Just when I thought I was going to get my first kiss he bought a chilidog with extra onions！
We took our seats. Derek watched the movie with his entire left arm wrapped around the bag of popcorn，holding the chilidog in his right hand and taking huge carnivorous bites out of it like he hadn，t eaten in years.
Disgusting.
All I could hear were his teeth tearing away at the meat，obnoxious chewing noises，followed by several delighted moans.“Mmm，this is so good，”he said with a mouth full of chilidog.
I almost gagged.I reach my hand inside the bag of popcorn and it was empty！ He ate it all. What a pig！
The entire movie was nothing but blood and guts. I had to stare down at my feet for the majority of the film，but what I heard made my stomach churn and at times I felt as though I was going to barf.
When the movie finally ended I let out a huge sigh of relief.“Well，”Derek commented，“that was great！”
“Yeah，”I muttered sarcastically，rolling my eyes.“Fantastic.”
“Alright，let，s get out of here，”he said.
We walked out to the car. He didn，t even bother to open the door for me！ When I got into the car I almost gagged because Derek，s breath was beyond revolting and he wouldn，t stop burping. “Whoops，”he laughed，after belching yet another time.
The whole drive to my house Derek went on about how amazing the movie was. Soon we are approaching my sister，s middle school，which is only a few blocks away from my house. However， instead of passing the school，Derek pulled directly into the parking lot and cut the engine.
Before I could say anything，Derek lunged for me with his hands，one at my shoulder，turning me to him and one behind my head，pulling my face into his. He kissed me violently. I immediately clamped my teeth down.
He jerked back，wailing，“Ouch！ You bit me！”
“Derek，”I shrieked at the top of my lungs.“You drive me straight home this instant！”
He shoved his keys into the ignition and drove me home. I exited the car the second it came to a stop，slamming the door behind me. I leapt up the steps to my house.
Inside，I greeted my family.
They were all seated on the couch，watching a biblical film. Clare looked up at me with a smirk on her face. I walked briskly to the bathroom and pulled out my mouthwash and toothbrush， removing all traces of chilidog and Derek.
Jane and Clare sat on my bed，eagerly waiting to hear what happened.
“Everything that could possibly go wrong did，”I cried，and then explained the rest of the story. They were supportive and tried to reassure me，but once I said，“Derek has no idea how lucky he is. I was just about to grab Dad，s shotgun，”they burst into laughter，so hard they began crying and suddenly I was laughing too because of the sheer ridiculousness of the whole event.
After that，I didn，t want to kiss a boy ever again. I was through. But looking back，I couldn，t help but smile and think that chilidog played a part in my first kiss，it sucked.
大家都知道，初吻应该是令人兴奋，能改变人生的。至少，这是童话故事和好莱坞喜欢向那些正在寻找白马王 子的少女们承诺的那样。我不得不承认，在昨晚之前，我——像许多女孩一样——被这种信念蒙蔽，认为我的 初吻将是我生平所遇到的最美好的事情。我认为那会是充满魔法的一幕。我深信，在我的双唇与我的终生挚爱 相碰的那一刻，布满繁星的天空会突然绽放色彩，唱诗班也会立即开始高唱“哈利路亚”！
唉，我觉得现在自己有点像个白痴，因为我的初吻肯定不是我所遇到的最美好的事情。实际上，是截然相反… …
我的母亲，嗯，是一个极端保守的人。我和妹妹简断定她以前是个训练教官。直到我们年满18岁才允许我们参 加集体式约会，这是一个非常大的问题，因为我刚刚同意与德里克？科里约会……单独约会。
五点钟慢慢地到了。我一看到德里克的车，就赶紧抓着钱包迅速地向前门跑去。我的手心在流汗。起初，我的 手指从车门把手上溜下来。在上车之前，我匆忙在毛衣上擦干双手。
坐稳后，我端详着德里克，他非常帅——波浪状的深黑色头发和引人注目的靛蓝色眼睛。我真是宇宙中最幸运 的女孩。
“你看起来很漂亮，”他说道，气息闻起来像冬日薄荷的味道。“准备好了吗？”我点点头。我朝我家瞥了一 眼，注意到简和我的表弟克莱尔透过房间的窗户盯着我窃笑。我真的不介意，因为我和德里克在一起。在去电 影院的途中，我一直在想我的新名字听起来是多么的可爱。罗克珊？科里。我喜欢这个名字。我们把车停到电影 院后就跳下了车。
他迅速走远了。我追上他，并再次在毛衣上擦干手上的汗，然后鼓起勇气牵住他的手。我的脸在发烧。他低头 面带微笑地看着我。
太棒了！
我们走过去买电影票。我迫不及待地想看《27套礼服》。“两张《血色将至》的票，”德里克说。
“什么？”我疑问道。“我以为我们要看的是《27套礼服》。”
“别担心，”他告诉我。“如果你害怕，你可以躲在我的胳膊后面。”我开始有种不好的预感。
在进入电影院之前，德里克为我们俩买了一袋爆米花和两杯苏打水。然后，他又要了一种零食……一个添加了 洋葱的辣味热狗。就在我认为我会得到初吻的时候他买了一个添加了洋葱的辣味热狗！
我们就座了。德里克看着电影，整个左手臂环抱着爆米花的袋子，右手拿着辣味热狗，像食肉动物一样大口地 咬着热狗，像饿了几年似的。
真恶心。
我能听到的全是他的牙齿撕肉声和令人反感的咀嚼声，伴随着一些高兴的呻吟声。“嗯，这电影太棒了，”他 说，满嘴的辣味热狗。
我几乎窒息了。
我把手伸进爆米花的袋子里，里面是空空的！他吃光了。真是只猪呀！
整部电影除了血液和内脏外什么也没有。在电影放映的大部分时间里，我不得不低头瞪着自己的双脚，但我听 到的声音让我作呕，有时我觉得自己好像要吐了。
电影终于结束了，我大大地松了一口气。“好吧，”德里克评论道，“这部电影真精彩！”
“是啊，”我翻翻白眼，喃喃地讽刺道，“精彩极了。”
“好吧，我们离开这儿吧，”他说。
我们走出电影院来到车旁。他甚至没有为我开门！当我坐进车内时，我几乎窒息了，因为德里克的气息令人作 呕，而且他止不住地打嗝。“哎呀，”他又打了一个嗝后笑了起来。
在送我回家的途中，德里克一直在谈论这部电影是如何不可思议。不久，我们就快到我妹妹的中学，这离我家 只有几条街。然而，德里克没有开进学校，而是直接把车开到了停车场，并关掉了引擎。
我还没来得及说话，德里克双手向我扑过来，一只手扶着我的肩膀，让我转身面对他，另一只手置于我的脑后，把我的脸推向他。他粗鲁地吻我。我立刻合上牙齿。
他猛然退后，哀号道，“哎哟！你咬我！“
“德里克，”我歇斯底里地喊道。“立刻直接送我回家！”
他启动引擎，随后开车送我回家。车一停，我就下车，砰的一声将车门甩在身后，大步地跑回家里。
回到家，我向家人问好。
他们都坐在沙发上看关于《圣经》的电影。克莱尔抬起头，一脸傻笑地望着我。我迅速地走进浴室，拿出我的 漱口水和牙刷，刷掉所有辣味热狗和德里克留下的痕迹。
珍和克莱尔站在我的床边，急切地想要打听发生了什么事。
“一切都可能出错了，”我哭道，然后解释了其余的情节。他们支持我，并试图安慰我，但只要我一说，“德 里克不知道他是多么幸运，因为我想做的只是拿起爸爸的猎枪，”他们就爆笑起来，让他们陪着我哭太难了，突然我也大笑起来，因为整件事情实在太荒唐了。
此后，我再也不想和男孩接吻了。我已经历过了。但每当我回顾此事时，我就忍不住发笑，想起辣味热狗在我 的初吻中所产生的影响，真是太糟糕了。
大家还在听
