长大不是一个人的事情Ⅲ⑼

Masks and Walls/ 面具和心墙 Running.“What are you running from？”The question haunts her mind，lurking around the corner waiting to catch a stray thought and be carried into the open.“Running？ I，m not running from anything.”She tells herself. She tells the world. Her carefully formed mask giving nothing away. But she，s crumbling，with nobody there to help put her back together when she falls. It，s her doing. She shut them out. Wouldn，t let them have even the slightest of glimpse behind the mask. So there，s none even suspicious that she wears a mask. They just believe it is her； blindly trusting in what she shows them. The real her is long gone. Running from the world，too afraid to let down the walls safely built around her heart. Walls under so much pressure，they threaten to break，come crashing to the ground.“Just a couple more hours，”she tells herself to be strong. She will not let her walls down around people； never around people. On she builds，brick by brick，wall by wall，an impenetrable fortress surrounding her heart，her mind. She convinces the world nothing hurts her. She convinces herself nothing hurts her.“A heart of stone，”some might say.“Well，if that，s what it takes to survive，”she thinks，“so be it.”So she builds on. She wears the mask and she builds her walls，not because she lacks the want for love and understanding，but to protect against heartbreak and the fear that nobody understands，nobody loves freely. One must understand to love.“How can they love someone they don，t understand？” she asks herself.“How can they understand someone who doesn，t understand herself？ How can they love someone so weak she has to hide behind walls？” So as the years pass，the walls stay up. If no one gets through them soon，love will become a fantasy，a far off dream，a distant wish she once had，but cannot remember. It will be unable to reach her. A heart of stone she pretends to have and so a heart of stone she will one day carry. She must learn to trust or it will be too late. It，s not a question of love or hate. It，s simply her heart telling her she，s too late. She built her walls of stone so high and hid behind her mask of indifference for so long that what the world saw became her reality. The wall is a prison and the mask is her own personal nightmare.“Is it ever too late to let love in？”she wonders. She will soon find that the hardest part was not building the walls，but instead，tearing them back down. 逃离。“你想要逃离什么？”这个问题常萦绕在她心头，潜伏在角落里等待着抓住一丝偏离的想法，等着被公 之于众。“逃离？我并非在逃离什么。”她告诉自己。她告诉全世界。她小心翼翼戴起的面具让她不会泄露任 何心事。但是，她正在慢慢破碎崩塌，没有人在她倒下的时候扶起她。这都怪她自己。她拒人于千里之外，不 让他们看见面具后的她，哪怕是一丁点儿。所以甚至都没人怀疑她戴着面具，他们觉得那就是她的本来面目，盲目地相信她所展现出的一切。 真实的她一去不返，从世界逃离，因为太害怕，所以她不敢拆掉在心的周围筑起的稳固的城墙。在如此大的压 力下，城墙都濒临破碎、分崩离析。“再坚持几个小时就行了。”她告诉自己要坚强点。她绝不会在别人面前 卸下防备，绝不。 她继续用一块块砖筑起一道道墙，筑成一座无法逾越的堡垒围住她的心、她的灵魂；她告诉世界没有什么能伤 得了她；她告诉自己没有什么能伤得了她。有人会说是“铁石心肠”。“好吧，如果只有这样才能生存，”她 想，“那么就随它去吧。”于是，她继续筑着心墙。 她戴着面具，筑着墙。不是因为她不渴望爱和理解，而是害怕没人理解、没人大胆来爱，于是保护自己免于心 碎。一个人的爱一定要建立在理解之上。“他们怎么可能会爱上一个他们不了解的人呢？”她问自己，“他们 怎么会理解一个自己都不能理解自己的人呢？他们怎么会爱上一个软弱到只会躲在墙后面的人呢？” 所以，年复一年，心墙高筑。如果没有人尽快走进去，爱就会成为一个幻影，一个遥不可及的梦，一个她曾有 的、却已忘记的遥远愿望。爱不能靠近她。她伪装出的石头心终有一天会真地变成石头心。她必须学会信任他 人，不然就会追悔莫及。 这不是一个关乎爱与恨的问题，只是她内心告诉自己一切都来不及了。长久以来，她用石头筑起高高的墙，藏 匿在自己冷漠的面具之后，因此世人眼中看到的就成了真实的她。那一道道墙是监狱，那张面具是她自己的梦 魇。她想，“让爱进来是否为时已晚？”很快她会发现最困难的不是筑墙，而是如何拆了它们。 lurk 【释义】n. 潜伏；埋伏 vi. 潜伏；潜藏；埋伏 【短语】lurk out 逢凶化吉 stray 【释义】n. 走失的家畜；流浪者 adj. 迷路的 vi. 流浪；迷路；偏离 【短语】stray animals 迷失动物，离群动物 crumble 【释义】n. 面包屑 vi. 崩溃；破碎，粉碎 vt. 崩溃；弄碎，粉碎 【短语】crumble away崩溃；crumble to dust 化为乌有 suspicious 【释义】adj. 可疑的；怀疑的；多疑的 【短语】suspicious of 怀疑，对……怀疑 impenetrable 【释义】adj. 不能通过的；顽固的；费解的；不接纳的 【短语】an impenetrable barrier 不可逾越的屏障 fortress 【释义】n. 堡垒；要塞 vt. 筑要塞；以要塞防守 【短语】flying fortress空中堡垒、轰炸机 fantasy 【释义】n. 幻想；白日梦；幻觉 adj. 虚幻的 vt. 空想；想像 vi. 耽于幻想；奏幻想曲（等于phantasy） 【短语】fantasy literature 奇幻文学