介绍:
For a few days, I was the star of the school. No kid had ever been inside the teachers’ lounge. I was probably the first one in the history of the world.
Everybody wanted to know about the incredible things I saw in the teachers’ lounge. Kids were even offering me candy to tell them.
I didn’t want to tell them the teachers’ lounge was just a boring old room where the teachers sat around eating lunch. I didn’t want to lie, either. So I just told them that the teachers blindfolded me and said they would torture me if I ever revealed what went on in the teachers’ lounge. It was cool.
Our next art class wasn’t an art class at all. Ms. Hannah took us on a field trip to a museum.
I hate museums. Museums are boring.
“Why don’t we ever take a field trip to a cool place like a skateboard park?” I asked Ryan on the bus ride over to the museum.
“What’s so great about skateboard parks?” Andrea asked from the seat in front of me.
“Well, for one thing, you’re not there,” I said. Ryan laughed.
Andrea made a mean face at me. “I like museums,” she said. “My mom takes me to museums all the time.”
“Too bad she doesn’t leave you there,” I said.
Ryan laughed.
We walked around the museum for about a million hundred hours. Ms. Hannah was all excited. She just about ran from room to room telling us about all the wonderful art.
It was horrible and boring, and I was hungry and my legs were tired. I looked for a place to sit down.
There were some big boxes of soup cans in the corner, and I went to take a rest on them. But as soon as I sat down, all these loud bells started ringing and guards came running over. One of them was blowing a whistle, and he started yelling at me.
“Get up!” he shouted. “You can’t sit there!”
“Okay, okay!” I said, getting up fast. “I’ll sit someplace else.” What’s the big deal? I wondered.
The guard looked like he was going to arrest me or something. Luckily Ms. Hannah ran over and rescued me. I asked her what I did, and she told me that I had sat on some art.
“That’s art?” I asked. “I thought it was boxes of soup.”
“It’s modern art!” she said. “That is a famous sculpture that is worth millions of dollars.”
It looked like soup boxes to me. Ms. Hannah told me to remember that art is everywhere, so I should be careful what I sat on. She put her arm around me and kept it there for the rest of the time we were in the museum.
We walked around and she kept pointing out the beautiful artwork all over the place.
“Look at this!” she kept saying. “Isn’t it marvelous?’
We stopped in front of a painting. It was just a bunch of lines and squares and box shapes. It was really stupid.
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Ms. Hannah said. “It’s called ‘Broadway Boogie Woogie.’”
“My little sister could paint that with her eyes closed,” I said.
The next room didn’t have any paintings on the walls at all. But all kinds of junk was hanging from the ceiling.
“Can anybody tell me what these are?” Ms. Hannah asked us.
“That must be the museum’s garbage,” I told her. “When my family goes camping, we hang our garbage from a tree so the bears and raccoons don’t get it.”
“They don’t have bears and raccoons in museums, dumbhead,” Andrea said. “Those things are called mobiles.”
“That’s right, Andrea!” Ms. Hannah said, and Andrea stuck her tongue out at me. I hate her. “They are also called kinetic sculptures.”
“What does that mean?” Emily asked.
“It means it comes from Connecticut,” I told her.
“No, kinetic means ‘movement,’” Ms. Hannah said. “The sculptures can move.”
“Don’t tell me that’s art,” I said, looking at one of those Connecticut things.
“Not only is this art,” Ms. Hannah said, “it’s a masterpiece!”
“Look like hanging garbage to me,” I said. This museum was the weirdest museum in the history of museums. I was bored and hungry, and I wanted to sit down. Finally Ms. Hannah said we could go outside in the garden and have a snack.
“Before we leave the museum,” she started, “does anybody have any questions?”
I raised my hand. “If all of the stuff in here is art, how do they know what to throw away as garbage?” I asked. “Do they ever throw the art away by accident and leave the garbage here?” How do they know which is which?”
Everybody laughed even though I didn’t say anything funny. I never did find out how they threw their garbage away.
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