Olivia the Spy

One afternoon Olivia was walking down the hall when she heard her mother talking to her aunt. “I’m at the end of my tether. I’d just finished cleaning the kitchen when Olivia decided to make a smoothie. A blueberry smoothie.” Olivia, hearing her name, paused to listen. “I told her, ‘Don’t fill it up to the top. Don’t put all the blueberries in. And not too much milk, or then it will splatter!’” “Mommy, I KNOW how to use the blender.” “Guess who had to clean that up? Then,” her mother continued, “there was the episode with the laundry…” “I asked her to put her father’s white shirts in the washer. ‘Olivia,’ I said, ‘put them in one at a time or else they will tangle…’” “‘…and only one capful of soap.’” “Mother, I KNOW how to work the washing machine!” “Olivia, you put your red socks in with the white shirts, and now the white shirts are pink!” “I think they look pretty!” “Well, then, you wear them!” Which she did. “Oh, I wish there was somewhere I could send her until she develops some SENSE!” Some SENSE?! Thought Olivia. I’m the only one in this house with any sense! What ELSE is she saying about me? Maybe I should investigate. She decided to investigate. But she had to be sneaky. Olivia, who had always stood out, now needed to blend in. She might be anywhere. Anywhere. Seriously anywhere. “Honestly, she’s exhausting. Yesterday I had to ask her five times to clean up her room. If only there were someplace where they could teach her to listen… like military school.” Olivia’s mother had been planning to take Olivia to the ballet as a surprise, but now she was having second thoughts. “Do you think if I take her to the ballet, that she can sit through it without wiggling and squirming?” Olivia sneaked around the corner just in time to hear her father say, “Oh, that’s the perfect place to take her! After all, it’s an INSTITUTION!” The next day Olivia asked her teacher, “What’s an institution?” “That’s a good question, Olivia. An institution can be many things. It can be a building, like a library, or a tradition, like a marriage. Or it could be the military, or a prison…” Prison?! The next morning Olivia’s mother told her to be ready and dressed by six o’clock that evening. “I’m going to take you somewhere SPECIAL!” “Where are you taking me?” Olivia asked in a very small voice. “It’s a SURPRISE!” “Okay, Mommy, I’ll be ready.” All that sad day Olivia tried to figure out what she would need for an institution. She packed up her few pitiful possessions, put on her best dress, and went downstairs. “Oh, you can’t take your things where you’re going…” “You’re awfully quiet tonight, Olivia.” Olivia didn’t answer. She was saying good-bye to the city she loved so well. When they got out of the taxi, Olivia cried out, “THE BALLET?! You’re taking me to the BALLET?!” “Yes, darling! That’s the SURPRISE!” “I thought you were taking me to an INSTITUTION!” “An institution? Olivia … have you been eavesdropping?” “What does ‘eavesdropping’ mean?” asked Olivia. “It means listening to other people’s conversations, sweetheart.” “Mommy, I would NEVER do that! I was SPYING!” Before they took their seats, her mother asked her if she needed to use the you-know-what. “No,” said Olivia, “I’m fine.” Of course ten minutes into the first act, Olivia needed to use the you-know-what. Badly. “Excuse me, my little one needs to use the you-know-what.” “Of course. It’s the door on the left.” “Do you need me to come with you, Olivia?” her mother asked. “I KNOW how to go to the bathroom, Mommy.” “I have one just that age. They can be a handful.” “They certainly can. You can’t turn your back for one second.” “Not one single second!” “There you are!” said Olivia’s mother. “You took such a long time, I was getting worried.” “It was a lot farther away than the lady said.” “Thank you, Mommy. That was beautiful.” “Darling, I’m so glad you liked it.” “Although,” Olivia added, “the girls in the pas de quatre could have worked on their entrechats. “Well, Olivia, what have you learned by eavesdropping?” “Partial truths and misinformation——” “And how did that make you feel?” “Insecure and suspicious——” “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’ll cook dinner all next week.” “Oh no you won’t!” said her mother. “MOMMY, I KNOW how to COOK!” The End (at least until tomorrow)