介绍:
Xiaohua: Lately, an article discussing the word “暖男 Nuan Nan”, literally translated as warm guys, has been very popular on social networking sites.
The article defines a Nuan Nan as a guy who is tender, considerate and understanding. They may not be tall, rich and handsome as others, but they prove to be very attractive to women. So do you think that more and more this type of guys is being favored by women?
Liuyan: I think in theory true women would prefer this type of guys because who wouldn’t want an understanding boyfriend. But in reality, I really doubt it because I would very much like to nominate myself as, you know, someone who is in this category. But, as you all know, by now, I am not very lucky when it comes to a relationships, so I really doubt if this is what women truly want.
John: yeah, now I think that women are famous for saying that this is what they want, but in practice, it rarely holds to be true. I mean if you’re a young man listening to this who is single, I would say the best way to find an attractive woman is not, in fact, to be one of these warm men. Really, what you find is that these warm men they end up becoming, you know, part of the, let’s just be friends category.
And you know, people who complain that it is the jerks who always get the girls or, you know, why do girls always like jerks. Well, to be honest, because it’s partly true. And it’s not so much that women like men who are jerks, they like man who are manly, not in the sense that they’re chauvinistic, or they are disrespectful of women. But they have a masculine sense about them. Whereas these warm men, No.1. I doubt the veracity of many of these real life examples that people are basing, you know, this new memon. No.2 warm men would end up being more feminine right? And you know, in the end, as women, do you want a more feminine man or do you want someone who is going to, be the provider, be the leader of the family, you know, be a good and strong father to your children and things like that. Do you always want someone who is “oh, are you okay? Are you all right?” No, you want a man who says you know I’m gonna mess up that guy who just hurt you or something like that. Maybe not in every single example, but, I mean, I think that in general, it’s not so much about being a jerk, it’s about being masculine. And again about somebody’s examples, okay, fine, we can see these in fiction, but then people are bringing them up in real life. And we’re only looking at celebrities, right?
Xiaohua: exactly!
John: We’re only looking at Zhou Xun and her husband where apparently every time that there is a rainy scene, he is waiting with a dry towel. You know what, that probably happened once, all right? Maybe once, maybe it didn’t happen. You have to remember that celebrities when they are telling you this, they want people to think of their life as if it’s a movie and they want people to think their life is perfect and that’s part of their attraction, that is how they make money and continue to sell entertainment products. So, you know, looking at these examples, Zhou Xun, Lin Qingxia and Chen Kaige. I mean, maybe it happened once, but probably never happened at all.
Xiaohua: or even if they happened, I mean, come on, after all, they are still very handsome guys that we are talking about, right, that these female celebrities happen to fall in love with.
John: sure.
Liuyan: so who is to say they fall for them because they are “Nuan Nan” or they fall for them because they are handsome or because they have money or things like that.
Xiaohua: yeah, but I do have a different opinion as the woman here in the room. I think that no woman in the world would hate such quality of “Nuan Nan”, you know, being warm, being considerate, being attentive, no woman would hate that, in fact, women love that in a guy, but I think what makes the difference here is whether these “Nuan Nan” would take the initiative to woo a girl or to show them that they are attentive.
John: right, and that’s about confidence.
Xiaohua: yah, right, and I don’t think that a “Nuan Nan” necessarily is a shy guy. Although, you know a lot of these guys are pretty shy when it comes to a relationship. So, I think this golden rule here is that guys still have to take the initiative.
John: man still need to be the man.
Xiaohua: yeah, otherwise women don’t know these qualities about you, so, you know, how can they appreciate that and fall in love with you?
Liuyan: en, I don’t know, because I have initiated plenty of times, but you know, none of that works. And every time John just nailed it. It ends up being, always just be friends “you are a very nice guy, but I just don’t have that kind of feeling towards you and thanks” like that blablabla.
John: well, this is the thing, I mean the difference between language and behavior. Yeah, a girl, a woman, she might say, you know, I like honesty. But in the end, you know, she doesn’t really want you to be completely and a hundred percent honest. There are some things that are best left unsaid. And so in that sense, you know, everything that you’ve been taught or that girls have told you in terms of getting a girl. I mean, to be honest, half, at least half of that is going to be wrong because yeah, she is telling you that this is how you go to get that girl, but on the other hand, her boyfriend is nothing like that or is only a little bit like that.
Xiaohua: but I still think that there are no, you know, definite iron rules in courting a girl.
John: oh, yes, yes and no.
Xiaohua: people can give advice but they never follow them.
John: yes, I know, but also I think there is the difference here also between sexual market value versus marriage market value and these are two going to be two different things. But But here we talk about boyfriends not about husbands.
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