【有文稿】“交友神器”还是“婚姻杀手”

Xiaohua: Divorce rate in China kept rising for the past decade. Statistics show that extramarital affair is the main cause, as it’s spotted in 74.6% of divorce cases. 60% people surveyed have been cheated by their spouse, either physically or mentally. Extramarital affairs caused by social network APPs such as WeChat and Momo have increased by 20%. 根据中国民政部数据显示，中国的离婚率已连续十年上升。在导致离婚的婚变诱因中，“第三者插足”占74.6%，位居第一。60%以上的人遭遇过不同程度的身体出轨或精神出轨。而微信、陌陌等“交友神器”引发婚外情的案例增加了20%。 So what is going on? Do you think these apps should be blamed for increasing divorce rate? Heyang: I think it’s rather absurd to blame social apps for divorce rate. I think as we’ve talked about, it seems like it’s extramarital affair itslef but not the kind of devices you use to enable it to happen that actually causes the rise of divorce rate. Mark: But the thing is, they do make it easier, perhaps. There’s a thing on Wechat, isn’t there, where you can see who’s in your vicinity or something. There’re apps like Tinda, which is used by people who are looking for someone to have a fling with. And lots of other things like that. So I think if it’s made easier, then people are more likely to give in. We’re already human, and people can be sometimes quite weak-willed, can’t they? So if it’s easier for them, maybe they’re more likely to engage in this sort of thing. Heyang: Yeah, I think you’re probably right in the sense that these social platforms have exacerbated the problem, but I don’t think it’s the cause of it, so to speak. Mark: No, because if you think about it, if you imagine someone in an unhappy marriage 15 years ago for example, suddenly they’re sitting at home one night, and they think oh I wish I could be with someone else. Well there’s nothing they can do about it. They just watch a bit more TV and go to bed, right? So… Heyang: Really! is that what goes on in some people’s head as you say? How do you know what goes on in people’s head? Mark: No, I’m doing a comparison, Heyang. Now they can just get their mobile phone or smart phone and find an app and find someone to go and have a fling with. So clearly if you make things easier for someone, then it’s more likely that they’ll do it. It’s not addressing the underlying cause, which is people who are unhappy in their marriage for some reason. Xiaohua: I still think it’s people that make these decisions. It’s not the apps that are saying “Hi, come, use me and find someone to cheat on”. (Heyang: What?) Mark: Can I just say that this is exactly the same thing that American gun lobby advocates say. Whenever there’s one of these mass shootings, the gun lobby people they say it’s not guns that kill people; it’s people that kill people. But I always think yeah, but you know, automatic, semi-automatic rifle or something, you can kill a lot of people in a very short space of time compared with the old-fashioned means where it will be much harder to kill that number of people in 2 or 3 minutes. It would have been impossible using a knife or something like that. So this is the same kind of argument. Actually… Xiaohua: But it’s a quite different kind of argument, very different in scale or severity. Mark: True. Although you might have a smart phone thrown at your head maybe by your disgruntled partner. Heyang: At least it’s not causing other people’s lives, but certainly your partner finding this out would probably bring Third World War back in your apartment home. Mark: But you are making something easier, which is from a seed in their mind, which might have gone nowhere, the apps can make it happen very quickly. Xiaohua: That is true. So I think it is to blame. I mean we can’t blame the apps directly, but the whole thing, the whole added convenience is something to worry about, and for us to be aware of. But then where is the cure? These apps are not illegal apps, and none of them advertise one-night-stand apps. So you can’t just ban them. So what do you do? Heyang: Well, when I think about it, some of them are selling, the sell point is; yeah it helps. Mark: Xiaohua has such a sheltered life. Xiaohua: OK, maybe I’m not so familiar with them. Heyang: Well, she’s happily married. Xiaohua: So there is no way out. The only thing is that people should be more disciplined and more aware Heyang: And just work on your marriage and be aware what you’re getting yourself into as you get married. Don’t go into it hastily.