介绍:
Xiaohua: “Don’t lie” is what Chinese parents regard as a golden rule that should be told to their children from when they were very young, but lying is, or seems to be, a main weapon used by themselves. Compared to Chinese parents, American parents seem to be more honest before their kids, according to relevant data.
“不准撒谎”是绝大部分中国父母对于孩子的要求，然而谎言却是他们自己在教育孩子过程中的常用手段之一。相对于中国父母而言，有研究显示，美国父母在对待说谎的态度上显得更加谨慎。
Do you think that it is right in saying that Chinese parents seem to employ lying as a strategy more often?
Heyang: Well, if we look at lying in a broader sense, then it seems like American parents versus Chinese parents don’t seem all that different, because 84% of the American parents and 98% of the Chinese parents admit to some sort of lie to their kids when they try to make them obey parents’ orders. And, when it comes to more threatening type of lies, maybe Chinese parents tend to use that tactic a little bit more often.
Mark: Yeah, I noticed that. Let’s look at the data. 78% of Chinese parents might say, “I will leave you alone here if you don’t obey me;” American parents only 67% would say that. There was another thing about Chinese parents like to scare their kids by saying they’ll be abducted by a stranger; 67% of Chinese parents said they did that, only 17 % of American parents.
I think what we have here is very interesting. We have the difference between Chinese society and American society in an understanding of phycology. And, it’s extremely damaging to tell a child that they’ll be “abducted by somebody” or they’ll be “abandoned.” This can have long-term repercussions on a child’s mental state.
And, I think psychology is not as popular, it’s not as ingrained in the culture here in china as it has been in the west for over a hundred years. And, I think there’s less of an understanding here about the damage you can do to a child by making these kinds of threats.
Heyang: Yeah, but I think the part that threatening their kids that they might be left behind, that seems to be the common tactic used by parents from both countries, but when it comes to an even more specific one that “you might be abducted,” that’s only been used by more Chinese parents, and I think it’s very problematic.
Mark: It’s an extremely damaging thing to say to a child—“you will be abducted by a stranger”—absolutely terrifying.
Xiaohua: One of the reasons for saying that is, actually, there are reports of children being abducted, and then, it becomes a sad reality that parents would naturally think that “if the kids don’t follow my order then they will be abducted.” It’s not like they’re trying to scare their kids, they’re just trying to tell them what the worst could be.
Mark: Well here’s another one. 60% of Chinese parents might threaten their children by saying you will not grow tall if you don’t eat—60% of Chinese, only 10% of Americans parents would say that.
Heyang: Well, here can I just say one thing, what Xiaohua said earlier--
Mark: That’s a terrifying thing to say to a child
Xiahua: The eat or abduct?
Heyang: Abduction doesn’t seem to be too much of a lie. It sounds like these parents are trying to get their children alert to the worst case scenario, and when it comes to if you don’t eat and then you won’t grow tall… is that a lie? I think I find it very blurry the line between a lie and reality.
Mark: I’m surprised that you have said that because it’s just simply not true. Well, I suppose if they don’t eat, they’ll die won’t they, so they wont grow tall. So, technically, you’re right. I have to agree with you, I’m afraid
Heyang: Let’s be realistic here.
Xiaohua: Maybe the parents are just not studying their science well enough while they were in school, so they did not realize that it was not true.
But I think it’s actually an interesting cultural difference, here, involved in terms of eating and not eating because I think American parents or parents in the west, they wouldn’t care that much whether their children eat or whether they eat enough. But, Chinese parents, especially grandparents, seem to care so much about how much they eat, are they eating enough meat, are they eating enough vegetables, and will they grow up healthy or not—it’s a sign of over-doting on their kids.
Mark: I just think it would be better to give a positive message. Instead of threatening them with leaving them behind, say, “Look, when we get home we can do this, something that you like doing.” Use more carrot and less stick, I think, in child psychology
Heyang: I think sometimes it’s just blatant laziness from parents because they don’t think kids would understand, or they don’t bother explaining the reasoning behind certain statement and just use a lie when its just laziness.
Xiaohua: And, I agree for someone who just used the abduction excuse on my child for her to hold my hand. I’m lazy, I assume that responsibility.
Mark: But there is some truth in that one, as we established.
Xiaohua: Yeah that’s true, and that’s all the time we have on round table
大家还在听
