介绍:
Heyang: Students at Hubei University of Technology have been asked to complete an unusual summer vacation assignment that is to write a confession letter to evaluate your relationship status. The title goes as: "Why are you still single?" So, what's going on?
Ryan: Well, let me tell you all about this summer vacation homework. The topic is: "Why you are single" and so basically what the homework request is a personal analysis with 300 words including 5 strengths and 5 weaknesses of yourself inviting someone to start a romantic relationship with you and a love letter with 500 words to your current girlfriend or boyfriend if you have one and on top of all this guys, they are to post it on Weibo when they finish and do like a @your school counselor. This is not a joke but a real summer vacation homework for more than 300 students from Hubei University of Technology. Some students jokingly say that it is absurd calling it really hard for single dogs. It's killing them! Some netizens agree that it is bad others are thinking it's okay. Personally guys for me, this is weird and I think kind of unacceptable for a school project and on top of that shaming yourself, I don't know, I would feel weird putting my information about this specific part of my life on Weibo. Why I'm single?
Niu Honglin: Yeah and what I'm trying to say is well by asking the question about why you're single, it feels like its wrong to be single. What's wrong to be single?
Ryan: Well put
Heyang: That's so weird.
Ryan: They use the words: "still single" as if it is a problem.
Niu Honglin: It's not nice and also, isn't it kind of a violation of personal privacy? I mean, maybe I choose to. Maybe I didn't find someone that I like, maybe the one pursuing me does not come to certain standards. It has a lot of reasons. You can't just say: Why you're still single? like why you are failing a test？ Why don't you have a job? It's not a nice question.
Heyang: It's not a nice question. It feels its naturally discriminating people who are not in a relationship and also for people who are freshmen that just have finished their first year of university and as you migrated into your next year becoming a sophomore, that's an interesting time point to publish this online. There's a few things going on that I think are kind of interesting.
Ryan: Well, before we throw her under the bus, let's understand why she, in her opinion assigned this homework assignment. So, basically she came up with the idea during a taxi trip while the driver was complaining that college students nowadays always blame others rather than themselves. Yue thinks this topic is related to students' lives and may help them realize their own problems. Yue was born in the 1980s; all of her students were born after 1995, so they're young. She said the attitudes about love for the two different generations. People of the young generations are more direct. They will speak their love in public or in their dormitory and though this behavior is brave, on the other hand, it's kind of maybe centric on yourself. I will say that I do think the younger generations due to social media and a lot of other things are becoming somewhat narcissistic. They think they're always the victims of certain problems and I attribute this especially to my generation, back in the states. But I think this is a universal thing, maybe you guys can clarify this specifically here in China. But, kids nowadays are quicker to blame others rather than take responsibility which we talk about all the time, people not taking responsibility for themselves. I think we're seeing less and less of that in these newer generations.
Niu Honglin: I agree, maybe she meant well. Maybe, she's trying to make university students think about their own strengths and weaknesses but also to remind you, students who have a boyfriend or girlfriend also have to finish the homework but they have to do the article with a theme of: "How did I manage to get a boyfriend or girlfriend?" "What's bad or good I've done in a relationship?" It's kind of like they're the winners of life. They're sharing their experiences. I don't like that attitude. It's like they have this idea that being in a relationship is some kind of winning. I don't think it's a good concept.
Ryan: Right. I think this promotes that you should be in a relationship. Why aren't you in one? Your life is incomplete. When I was their age, relationship was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to have fun with my friends and was living on my own. I was so excited! I mean, granted of course, relationships are always a nice thing but these kids are young and they need the time to be young. To be asking such questions like: "Why are you still single?" I mean A) you're promoting that being single is a bad thing. I don't think that's healthy at all for the mindset and B) they're sharing this with everybody. What if some guys says well, maybe I'm not athletic enough and maybe blah blah blah when he's listing his weaknesses and his peers make fun of him. I don't think this is a good thing to promote. There's no amenity here. These people are posting this personal stuff about them on weibo for everybody to see, right?
Heyang: Yeah, so that's the part I cannot agree with. I guard my privacy like I'm guarding the holy land. That's the kind of importance it is for me and in this day and age, I think I'd advise everybody to do that actually. Your personal information getting online means you will not have a chance to get it back to you. So, that's the first thing I want to say and also our Wechat listeners have very personal insights regarding this topic and our Wechat listener Xue has left us a mini essay on this and I think it's really interesting what she says. Xue, I hope this is okay with you but you didn't send us a private message, so I'm assuming it's alright. I'll leave out the parts that I think might be a little bit too sensitive for her. So basically she's saying that in high school, the last year of high school, she was madly in love with this boy and her parents and his parents were like Romeo and Juliet, split them up and said: "No way can you guys have a relationship". You have more important things to do in life and that is the Gao Kao. They listened to parent's advice, broke up, and both of them got to different universities and life is supposed to be better now. But actually she says, she's never managed to find another guy that she really likes in university and now, just in a matter of like two years or so, her parents are pressuring her: "You're in university and how come you don't have a boyfriend." That's like the biggest irony of everything and she's totally upset about it. But, what do you say about this kind of mentality? Prior 18 having a relationship is like the monster in life, then after you're 18, it's like, What? Suddenly, everything has changed, you have to be in a relationship and get married as soon as possible.
Niu Honglin: Well, I do feel like Chinese parents have this certain feeling that the age of 18 or the landmark of entering a college is sort of like changing everything. Before that, they say: "on't talk to boys", "Don't have a boyfriend", "Do not do anything", and after that it's like, "Bring back your husband." It's not a life-changing night, maybe it's a life-changing test, but it's not in terms of everything. You cannot decide what you should do or what is okay to be done just over a test. We have to admit it's another period of your life but growing up is a constant process.
Ryan: You know, when I'm a father, I will be consistent in that: "No boyfriends ever for my daughter." And that's just how it's always going to be. That's how I'll always feel. But, you know what to this specific scenario, I think the parents are warranted and that is because when you're 18, trust me, cause I've been 18, that was 10 years ago. I was a dramatically different person. I had feelings I didn't understand. I was growing, you grow so much in college and god even after that. So, I think yes it's so sad that you didn't get to spend that proper amount of time with someone you really had feelings for but at the same time I want to tell you that you will find that person out there. Just keep looking, be patient. Realize you're growing, that person is also growing and in amount of time, I'm sure you will bump into each other and things will all make sense. But I'm sorry to hear about the fighting between the Capulets and Montagues, I believe those were the two families of Romeo and Juliet and I hope that you find love as soon as it's appropriate.
Heyang: I think that's a life-pursuit for me, I don't know but for people who want to have a real and fulfilling relationship, I think you should never stop trying to look for it. You need to look for it. I don't think it's going to fall on your lap if you're just eating potato chips and playing video games at home. But also, I think it's a delicate balance in the mind that if you're too desperate, that just drives good people away. It's about growing yourself stronger inside, keep looking, and I can't think of anything else right now.
Ryan: I want to point out something else too. Yes, I actually agree with you Heyang. I think most people, a big part of life is looking for someone to spend it with, to do those things with, to make memories. It's a beautiful and magical thought when you think of spending your life with another soul, another human being and sharing things nobody else will know about in the world except you and your best friend. But you know what, you need to have patience for that. You also need to be yourself and be okay with being by yourself. I think that person comes when you're independent and when you're happy being by yourself. Because, then it's not like you need them, it's they complement you. It's like you didn't need anyone, but suddenly there's this person in your life that complements you. That's how I've always thought of it. But I think it is always so healthy for you to be confident being by yourself. I think this assignment is promoting an ideology of saying that it's not okay and that's not what a young person should be learning in college. They should be learning that it is okay to be yourself and feel good being yourself.
Heyang: Wow. I almost wanted to cry listening to that, Ryan.
Niu Honglin: It's just so well-said. Also maybe to perfect the homework, we can instead ask students to write about what kind of quality you want in your future partner and what kind of quality you hope to grow on yourself to find them. Maybe that would be a better article to write about
Heyang: Also, write a personal letter or don't put it online. I hate it when that stuff is put online.
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