第128期：2016必备APP

想成为我们的主播，欢迎加微信 xdfbook 投稿。 一段美文，一首英文歌，或是一点生活感想，全由你做主。 《2016必备APP》 Apps to Download for 2016 决策神器 一帮老友要外出聚餐，其中一位带着刚出生的宝宝，另一位刚离婚，还有一位对坚果和乙烯基塑料都过敏。把这些全部输入这款app，它就能在方圆五英里内找到一家充分符合要求而且舒适宜人的餐厅。 哼哼哈哈 在跟某个自恋的朋友聊天时，打开这款app。它会生成一些像是“没错！”“真的吗？”“不会吧！”这样的回复，你就可以同时做其他事了。 我没空 这款app的地图功能可以识别那些令人讨厌的慈善募捐人士的位置，为你前往目的地提供其他可选择的步行路线。然后点击“我心有愧”按钮，立即给绿色和平组织捐款。 躲着走 这款app可以在你的邻居走出大楼时给你通知，这样你就不必在走廊里碰到他们了。 哎呀呀 你有没有过在群聊信息中说埃米的新男友是“一个自命不凡的废物”，却不小心把艾米也拉入了群聊？这款app会在20分钟内自动发信息给不该收到那条信息的人，然后将其归咎于自动纠错功能。 成群结队 这款app能帮你在附近找到一家酒吧或餐馆，里面没有那些30多岁、莫名有钱的人相互吵嚷着谈论葡萄酒、房地产和他们的公关工作。 有事找佩玛 在你的朋友又一次给你发信息说她有多郁闷时，这款app能找到一条最合适的佩玛•丘卓语录发给她：“抵制现状是痛苦的主要缘由”；“沉浸你的灵魂”；“你是天空，其他一切——只是天气”。 谁恨服务生 在约人吃饭之前，先通过这个集中群智而形成的名单弄清楚跟你在Tinder上聊天的那个人是不是一个对服务生粗鲁无礼而且给小费很吝啬的恶人。 什么家教 身旁坐着一位嚼东西时还像四岁孩子那样张着嘴的大人？这款白噪声app可以把吃东西时那令人厌恶的咂嘴声减少72%，设置选项包括香蕉、奶酪通心粉、影院爆米花和指甲盖！ 阿嚏 刚刚打了个喷嚏，觉得孤零零的？用这款app花几秒钟时间就能在附近雇一个人跟你说：“保佑你！” 看哪 不觉得人与人之间的眼神交流很讨厌吗？这款app在你手机屏幕的一角即时显示你面前那个人的视频。在点手冲咖啡、上法庭作证、走在大街上甚至现场观看戏剧时用它吧，从此你的眼睛再也不用离开手机往上看了！ 回到改善前 把你的手机对准纽约市任何一个有35年以上历史的临街店面、交叉路口或35岁以上的人，看看这些地方或人在当年时髦、危险又躁动不安的纽约是什么样子。在设置选项中，可以选择1973年、1977年、1985年、1991年和2000年。连接谷歌眼镜，还可以有一段浸入式体验！ 没有App 这款app会屏蔽其他所有的app，然后什么也不做。你可以一觉醒来就打开它，然后一天都开着！体验一下app出现之前的生活，同时还不用怕丢掉所有app并失去你精心打造的带有Mayfair滤镜的身份。这是一款app，但又不是一款app。这是生活，但又不是真实的生活。这就是“没有App”。 D-CIDE The old gang is going out to dinner. One has a newborn. One just got divorced. One is allergic to both nuts and vinyl. Type it all in, and the app will find a perfectly adequate and accommodating restaurant within a five-mile radius. uHUH Turn on this app when talking with a narcissistic3) friend. It will provide responses like “Right!” “Really?” and “No way!” as you multitask. NoIDontHaveAMinute A map feature that identifies the locations of those annoying clipboard people4) and gives you an alternate walking route to your destination. Hit the “I Feel Guilty” button to donate instantly to Greenpeace5). Avoyd Notifies you when your neighbors have left the building, so you don’t have to run into them in the hallway. OopsHa Did you accidentally include Amy in a group text about how her new boyfriend is “a pretentious6) dud7)?” OopsHa will, within twenty minutes, automatically text the errant recipient and blame it on autocorrect. Crowdz Locate a nearby bar or restaurant that is free of inexplicably8) wealthy thirtysomethings screaming at one another about wine, real estate, and their P.R. jobs. PemaFinder Finds the perfect Pema Chödrön9) quote to send to your friend when she texts you again about how depressed she is: “Resisting what is happening is a major cause of suffering”; “Steep your soul”; “You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather.” WaitrHatr From this crowdsourced list, find out before you make dinner plans if someone you are talking to on Tinder10) is a rude, bad-tipping monster to waiters. WhoRaisedU Sitting next to one of those adults who still chews with his or her mouth open, like a four-year-old? This white-noise11) app cuts out seventy-two per cent of disgusting smacky12) eating noises. Settings include Banana, Mac and Cheese, Movie Popcorn, and Fingernails! AppChoo Just sneezed and feeling lonely? Hire someone nearby to say “Bless you!” within seconds. Looky Isn’t human eye contact gross? Looky streams a video of the person right in front of you in the corner of your screen. Use it while ordering your pour-over coffee, testifying in court, walking down the street, or even watching live theatre. You’ll never have to look up from your phone again! UnGentrify Point your phone at any storefront13), intersection, or person in New York City older than thirty-five, and see what they looked like back when the city was cool, dangerous, and edgy. In Settings, choose between 1973, 1977, 1985, 1991, and 2000. Links to Google Glass for an immersive experience! NoApp This app blocks all your other apps, and then does absolutely nothing. Turn it on when you wake up and leave it on all day! Experience what life was like before apps, without the terror of being app-free and losing your carefully curated14), Mayfair-filtered15) identity. It’s an app. But it’s not an app. It’s life. But not real life. It’s NoApp.