第175期：谁的青春不叛逆

想成为我们的主播，欢迎加微信 xdfbook 投稿。 一段美文，一首英文歌，或是一点生活感想，全由你做主。 《谁的青春不叛逆》 The Earring Cleaning out my closet is the chore1) I detest2) most. Each time it gets harder to let go of my belongings. When I put anything in the bag, I feel as if I am throwing away a piece of myself. Each item of clothing, jewelry or shoes has a story I am not willing to lose. One day, I carefully untangled3) a single earring from the cluster of necklaces and bracelets. As I set it free4), the sharp end stabbed5) my finger. The pain reminded me of the piercing gun pressed to my upper ear and how it shot through the cartilage6). The anticipation that preceded it and the suffering that followed were much greater than the pain of the actual act. I decided to get this earring when my parents were away for three days. I was to spend half the time with my aunt and the other half with family friends. Having never experienced this kind of freedom, I didn't know where to start. While at the mall with my friend and her mom, I was lured toward Claire's7). Even though I had talked about getting my upper ear pierced8), I suspected I would never do it because of my fear of needles. But as I watched a man get his sixth piercing, I summoned the courage to perform my first outwardly defiant9) act. I paced10) the store, palms sweaty and legs trembling, and asked myself why I was doing this—but there was no answer. Every so often, I pick up an object in my room and wonder how I came to have it. A lot of the time I can't remember and throw it away without a second thought. Sometimes I recall why I did something and that my actions are a reflection of me. We teenagers often forget, in the face of conformity11) and popularity, that our actions represent us. Two of my friends had recently celebrated their eighteenth birthdays, and wanted to commemorate the event in a special way. One, who lives for music, got a small tattoo of a treble clef12) above her ankle. The other, not really knowing what to do, got her nose pierced. The first claimed the tattooing process was virtually painless. The nose-piercing incident did not go quite as well. Not only did it hurt when she sneezed, but it soon became infected and closed up13). As I nervously awaited my turn at Claire's, the man with all the piercings assured me it was no big deal. My racing heart told me otherwise14). Sitting in the chair, the employee had me choose an earring. By this time, my anxiety was at an all-time15) high. I considered leaving numerous times. Taking her time, the lady carefully set up the piercing gun and cleaned my ear. Meanwhile, I continued to consider why I was doing this. Acts of teen rebellion are not uncommon. In fact, the words teen and rebellion fit together like no other pair. Teens believe that resisting conformity makes them individuals16) or makes a statement. Sometimes rebellion results for no reason at all. History is full of teenage "expression"; author Quentin Crisp17) summed it up best: "The young always have the same problem—how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another." Teens often cannot distinguish between finding themselves and trying to be like everyone else. The slight stinging right after the click of the gun was nothing compared to the pain to come. In the weeks that followed, I could not sleep on my left side and had to clean my ear three times a day. The pain never seemed to go away. When my dad returned, I attempted to cover the piercing with my hair. Surprisingly, even when the earring was in plain sight, he failed to notice. In some twisted way I wanted to be punished. I wanted it acknowledged that I had done something wrong. So I waited until my mom returned. To my disappointment, she didn't react either. Rebellion is not always for a cause and the majority of us rebel for absolutely nothing. We want a reaction, so we do something shocking18) just for the sake of doing something shocking. One morning, a few months after my act of rebellion, I woke up to throbbing19) pain in my left ear. I went through an entire school day wondering why it suddenly hurt so much. When I came home, I unscrewed20) the back of the earring and blood gushed21) out. As I pulled the earring out, the pain miraculously disappeared. Sometimes I unconsciously brush my fingers over the spot where my earring used to be. If I press hard enough, it still feels a little sore. I am pretty sure that small bump will never go away. The earring does not have a partner; it is all by itself. It has no use anymore. Nevertheless, I place it where I can see it from time to time—to remind me. 清理自己的壁橱是我最讨厌的苦差事，每一次扔掉自己的东西都会变得越来越困难。当我把要扔掉的任何一件东西装进袋子里时，我都感觉仿佛扔掉了自己的一部分。每一件衣服、每一件首饰、每一双鞋都有着一个我不愿丢弃的故事。 一天，我从缠绕在一起的一堆项链和手链中小心翼翼地挑出一只耳钉。当我把它和其他东西分开时，锋利的针尖把我的手指戳了一下。疼痛让我回忆起那把贴在我耳朵上部的穿耳枪，以及它打穿我耳朵软骨的情形。比起这一实际动作所产生的疼痛，打耳洞之前的期待以及打耳洞之后的痛苦都要强烈得多。 有一次，我的父母要外出三天，正是在那会儿，我决定要买这个耳钉。那几天里，我有一半时间将和姑姑待在一起，另一半时间则会跟我们家的几个朋友待在一起。因为之前从未体验过这样的自由，我都不知道该从哪儿开始享受。当我和朋友以及她的妈妈一起逛商场时，我被克莱尔饰品店吸引了过去。虽然我以前说过要在耳朵上部打耳洞，但我此前怀疑自己永远都不会这么做，因为我害怕穿耳针。不过，当我看着一个男人在打他的第六个耳洞时，我鼓起勇气来实行我在外表上的第一次叛逆之举。我在店里来回踱步，手心满是汗，双腿不停打颤，我自问为什么此时此刻在做这件事情，但却没有答案。 有时，我在自己的房间里捡到某样东西，便想弄明白自己是怎么拥有这个玩意儿的。很多时候我都想不起来，然后不再多想就把它给扔了。偶尔我也会回忆起自己为什么做了某件事儿，回忆起我的行为是我自身的反映。我们青少年在顺从、跟风之时常常会忽略这样一件事情，那就是我们的行为代表着我们自身。 当时，我的两个朋友刚刚庆祝完她们的18岁生日，想用一种特别的方式来纪念此事。为音乐而活的那个朋友在脚踝上方刻了一个高音谱号的小纹身；另一个朋友不知道该做点什么，就打了个鼻洞。前面那位朋友说纹身的过程其实不疼；可打鼻洞这件事儿后来就不太妙了，那个鼻洞不但在她打喷嚏时会疼，还很快就受到感染又长上了。 当我在克莱尔饰品店里紧张地等着轮我打耳洞时，那个耳朵上打满耳洞的男人向我保证这没什么大不了的，但我加速跳动的心脏却不是这么跟我说的。我坐在椅子上，为我打耳洞的店员让我挑选一只耳钉。那一刻，我的焦虑感达到空前的高度，我无数次地考虑要离开。那位女士不慌不忙地调好穿耳枪，然后清洗了我的耳朵。与此同时，我仍在考虑自己为什么要打耳洞。 青少年的叛逆行为并不罕见。实际上，再没有哪两个词像“青少年”和“叛逆”放在一起这么搭了。青少年们认为，拒绝服从能让他们成为与众不同的人，或是表明自己的立场。有时，叛逆来得毫无理由。历史上充满了青少年的各种“表达”，作家昆汀·克里斯普总结得最为精妙：“年轻人总是面临着同样的问题，即如何同时做到反叛与服从。如今他们通过反抗自己的父母和效仿彼此解决了这一问题。”青少年们常常分不清自己是在寻找自我，还是在努力和其他所有人一样。 紧随穿耳枪咔哒一声之后的轻微刺痛感完全不能和后面将要来临的痛苦相提并论。在接下来的几周里，我睡觉时根本无法左侧卧，而且每天必须清洗耳朵三次。那种疼痛似乎从未消失过。 爸爸回来时，我试图用头发盖住耳洞。出人意料的是，即使是在一眼就能看到我的耳钉的时候，他都未能察觉。有点纠结的是，我竟想要被惩罚，想要大家认可我做了件错事。于是，我一直等着，直到妈妈回来。令我失望的是，她也毫无反应。 叛逆并不总是有原因的，我们中大多数人的叛逆都毫无缘由。我们希望得到回应，于是仅仅为了做点出格的事情而做了点出格的事情。 在这次叛逆之举过了几个月后的一天早晨，我从左耳的一阵抽痛中醒来。在学校里的一整天，我都在琢磨左耳为什么突然之间这么疼。回到家后，我拧开耳钉后面的扣，鲜血随之冒了出来。当我摘下耳钉时，疼痛竟奇迹般地消失了。 有时，我的手指仍会在无意间擦过以前戴耳钉的那个地方。如果我稍微用点力，那里还是会有点儿疼。我很确信那个小小的凸起永远都不会消失。 这只耳钉没有成对，仅有一只。现在它已经毫无用处了。尽管如此，我还是将它放在自己时不时能看到的地方，借此提醒自己。 文章摘自：《新东方英语·中学生》杂志2016年12月号