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《向阳而生》
Sunny Side Up
We all know that girl: The one who comes into school smiling, laughing and high-fiving her hundreds of friends. You'd almost swear she has cartoon birds singing to her as she walks through the halls. She's just ... So. Damned. Cheery. As you slump ) into the seat next to her, all you can think is: What does she have that I don't? We'll tell you: a positive outlook. And we're not just talking about looking on the bright side every so often ). This is about having a constantly optimistic mindset ) and believing in yourself no matter what. Here are five sunny secrets that'll make you want to jump for joy.
Secret 1: Look for Silver Linings )
Things won't always work out the way you want them to, but that doesn't mean you have to just stand there and take it. "You can't control what happens to you," says Dr. Jerry Weichman, a teen psychologist. "But you can control how you respond to what just happened."
Take Ali, 17. She spent a year learning French for a study abroad program—only to find out it was canceled right before she was to leave. "I cried for a week," she says. Then she bucked up ) and focused on other opportunities. "I found a day camp for foreign kids that was looking for a counselor who could speak French. I had an amazing couple of months and started babysitting for one of the campers." Just as Alexander Graham Bell said, "When one door closes, another opens."
Secret 2: Fake It 'Til You Make It
"Life doesn't give you more than you can take," says Dr. Weichman. "So when things get tough, you have to get tougher."
When a bully targeted Jamie, 15, she did everything she could to avoid letting the tormentor ) rule her life. She joined new activities outside of school and found new friends. She even helped local legislators pass two anti-bullying laws. "I acted like it wasn't bothering me as much as it was," she says. Sometimes you have to fake a "can do" spirit until things fall into place ). Because trust us—they will.
Secret 3: Live in the Present
Things that happened even a second ago are now in the past. So why dwell )? Studies show that when people think about disappointments, their mood darkens considerably. Even worse, they become more pessimistic about the future—and less likely to take action.
This happened to Julie, 14, when she was a freshman. "I always was really confident," Julie recalls. "Then I hit high school and suddenly felt super awkward. I'd wonder if people were silently judging me. I'd keep thinking about what I did or said in certain situations with friends or guys a month after it happened." Julie finally confessed to her parents what was going on. With the help of a therapist ), Julie learned to stop getting lost in negative thoughts and eventually reconnected with the friends she'd always had around her.
"You'll find the most peace in your life when you stay in the present," explains Dr. Weichman.
Secret 4: Choose Your Crew Carefully
Sure, you want to be there when your girls need you. But if things are stressful in your life, now's not the best time to deal with negative energy, too. "Almost like a cold, you can 'catch' stress from people around you," says Mary Miller, a therapist for teens.
"I feel really bad for admitting this," Jenn, 14, confesses, "but I have certain friends I avoid when I have something major coming up. I just can't always handle their drama ) on top of mine." Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, agrees with Jenn's policy. "Simply put, positive people make other people feel more positive," she says.
Secret 5: Count Your Blessings
Ultimately, what is being an optimist truly about? Seeing the good in your life, even when it seems to be throwing a million things in your way (big expectations from your parents, coaches wanting you to try harder, friends fighting ...). Through all of that, take a minute to think about what makes you blessed. Your BFFs? Your mom's famous mac 'n' cheese )? Your abilities in chem?
Optimism is a choice. "Take charge of your own happiness," says Gretchen. "You have the power to steer ) your life in a positive, meaningful direction."
我们都知道那种女孩：就是那个每天微笑着来到学校，笑着和她众多好友击掌示意的女孩。你几乎都要起誓，她在穿过走廊的时候，身边有卡通小鸟在给她唱歌。她就是……那么得快活。当你沉重地坐在她旁边，你脑海中想的全都是：她有什么东西是我没有的呢？我们会告诉你：一种积极的态度。我们不是在说偶尔要乐观一点，而是要一直有个乐观的心态，而且无论发生什么都要相信你自己。下面有五个能让你欢欣鼓舞的快乐秘诀。
秘诀1：寻找一线光明
事情不会总像你所期望的那样发展，但这并不意味着你只能站在原地接受它。“你无法掌控发生在你身上的事情，”青少年心理学家杰里·魏希曼医生说，“但是你可以掌控如何去应对刚刚发生的事情。”
拿17岁的阿里来说。她为了一个出国留学项目花了一年的时间学习法语——结果就在她即将要出发前项目被取消了。“我哭了一个星期。”她说。随后她打起了精神，专注于寻找其他机会。“我找到一个针对外国儿童的日间夏令营，他们正在找一个会说法语的辅导员。那几个月过得真是不可思议，我还开始为其中一个营员照看小孩。”正如亚历山大·格雷厄姆·贝尔(编注：美国发明家)所言：“天无绝人之路。”
秘诀2：演久成真
“生活并不会给你你所承受不了的，”魏希曼医生说，“因此，当事情变得棘手时，你必须变得更坚强。”
当有个坏孩子盯上15岁的杰米时，她极尽所能去避免让那个找她麻烦的人控制她的生活。她在校外参加了一些新的活动，还交到了一些新朋友。她甚至帮助当地的立法者通过了两条反欺凌的法规。“我表现得好像这件事没有让我受到那么大的困扰。”她说。有时候你得假装有一种“可以做到”的信念，直到一切步入正轨。因为相信我们——它们会步入正轨。
秘诀3：活在当下
就算是一秒前发生的事现在也是过去的事了。所以为什么要沉湎于此？研究表明，当人们在想那些令人沮丧的事情时，他们的心情会变得非常不好。更糟糕的是，他们会变得对未来更加悲观，也就不太可能会采取行动。
在14岁的朱莉还是个初中新生的时候，她就经历了这样的事。“我曾经一直很自信，”朱莉回忆说，“后来我上了中学，突然间就觉得自己特别笨。我会想知道人们是否在悄悄地评论我。我会一直回想我和朋友们在一个月之前的某些场合下都做了什么或者说了什么。”朱莉最终向父母坦白了这件事。在心理治疗师的帮助下，朱莉学会了停止迷失在消极的想法里，最终和过去一直在她身边的朋友们重归于好。
“当你活在当下，你会找到人生中最平静的时刻。”魏希曼医生解释说。
秘诀4：慎重交友
当你的闺蜜们需要你的时候，你当然会想要待在她们身边。但是如果你的生活正充满压力，那现在也就不是解决负能量的最佳时机。“几乎就像感冒一样，你会从你身边的人那里‘传染’压力。”青少年心理治疗师玛丽·米勒说。
“承认这一点让我觉得很愧疚，”14岁的珍坦言，“但在我遇到一些重大事件时，我会回避某些朋友。我只是不能总是先去处理她们那些闹剧，然后才去处理我自己的事情。”《幸福计划》的作者格蕾琴·鲁宾同意珍的策略。“简而言之，积极向上的人会使别人感到更积极向上。”她说。
秘诀5：想想幸福的事
最后，什么是真正的乐观主义者？朝生活中好的一面看，即使前路看似荆棘丛生(父母的高期望，教练想让你更加努力，朋友们争吵不休……)。抛开所有这些烦心事，花一分钟想想什么使你感到幸福。你最好的朋友？你妈妈最拿手的起司通心粉？还是你在化学上的造诣？
乐观是一种选择。“掌控你自己的幸福，”格蕾琴说，“你有能力让你的生活朝着积极向上且富有意义的方向前行。”
文章摘自：《新东方英语·中学生》杂志2017年1月号
