第196期：与父亲和解

想成为我们的主播，欢迎加微信 xdfbook 投稿。 一段美文，一首英文歌，或是一点生活感想，全由你做主。 《与父亲和解》 Forgiving My Father When I was in 2nd grade, my father had a serious accident at the construction site where he worked. For months after, he stayed at home and slept all day. He didn’t even help around the house. Before the accident he was a fun dad. He often took me and my older sister on trips to amusement parks and to playgrounds with our cousins and friends. He made us breakfast and walked us to school. Holidays were fun because we got toys and ate together at the table and talked. We often joked around. But after the accident he changed and grew distant. I was too young to understand what he was going through. I wasn’t sad; I was angry that he was so different, so bitter. He hardly talked to us and when he did it was mostly to complain or get mad. Three years later, he was able to go back to work. The drinking and staying out at night stopped, but he didn’t go back to his old self. Always a No When I was 13, my friend invited me to California for two weeks over the summer. I was so excited to go. My father said no. “She’s not going anywhere,” my dad said to my mom. “Well, it’s too late. I already bought the ticket,” she said. “You guys always do everything behind my back. It pisses me off ). I feel disrespected!” he yelled. We would have asked him if we didn’t think he’d automatically say no, but I didn’t want to say that and extend the argument. I understood that he was angry and depressed about the accident, but I didn’t think it was fair that he took it out on his family ). So anger continued to build up inside me. I did things he disliked to antagonize ) him. When I was 14, I started a therapy to help me deal with all the negativity. My sister went too. I didn’t want my father knowing but my mother eventually told him that we were going because we hated him. (She didn’t use those exact words. She was nicer about it.) Surprisingly, I noticed my father started slowly changing after he learned that I was attending therapy because of him. He didn’t yell at me when my room was messy; he made an effort to talk to me more. He’d ask me to help him on the computer, or about my college plans, or when I was getting my driver’s license. We both loved plants so we talked about different ones we wanted to buy. When he went out and bought plants, he would buy me some. When my room was really messy he’d say in a calm tone, “Don’t forget to clean up.” It made me feel awkward that he was nice. I was used to us not talking, and I honestly preferred it. I was still angry. Major Setback My relationship with my father was improving until he did something that hurt me. My therapist rescued homeless cats and she gave me one. But we already had a cat and I was only allowed to have one. So I tried to hide the second cat in my room. Two weeks later my dad found her. “Whose cat is this?” he asked. He told me to get rid of her but I didn’t listen to him. A few days later I came home with my friend Alex and my cat was gone. “Where is my cat?” I screamed. “You wouldn’t get rid of it so I did,” my dad said. Then he went into the backyard. “I would not let that go,” said Alex. She fueled my rage. I followed him outside and called him every curse I could think of. “I’ve hated you my whole life!” I screamed. I’d never yelled at my father like that before. “You’re so ungrateful. I’m your father and you have no respect for me. If I talked to my father that way he would beat me.” “I don’t care,” I said. I was surprised he did not get mad. Instead, he started to cry. I had never seen him cry before. But I didn’t feel sorry for him. All I felt was anger and disgust. He walked back into the house. I went to go talk to my friend and sister in my room. He never told me what he did with the cat. Living in Peace After a couple of months, we slowly started talking again. My sister convinced me to speak to my father when spoken to. “You said all those hurtful things to him just because he gave your cat away. You can’t just degrade someone like that. It’s just a cat, he’s your father. You’re dramatic,” said my sister. “I wanted him to know how I feel about him,” I said. Even though I agreed to start talking to him again, I didn’t understand my sister’s point. Still, other than that incident, my father has been trying to be a better person so I am trying to forgive him. Right now, I’m fine with the relationship we have. Things have improved, and continue to do so. I’m less angry with him because even though he wasn’t a good father for a lot of years, he is changing. I know he has good intentions and wants the best for me. 在我上二年级的时候，父亲在他工作的建筑工地上遭遇了一场重大事故。那之后的好几个月里，他整天待在家里睡觉，连家里的事都不管。 事故发生前，他是个有趣的爸爸。他常常带着我和姐姐去游乐场以及运动场，与我们的表(堂)兄弟姐妹和好友一起玩。 他会给我们做早饭，然后送我们去上学。节假日总是很好玩，因为我们会得到玩具，全家人都会聚在桌旁一起吃饭聊天。我们常常互相开玩笑。 但那次事故后，他变了，变得难以亲近。我那时还太小，不明白他在遭受什么。我不觉得难过，我只是生气，为他的变化，为他的令人不快。他几乎不跟我们说话，即使说，也大多是抱怨或发火。 三年后，父亲能重返工作岗位了，也不再酗酒和夜不归宿，但他并没有变回原来的样子。 总是“不行” 我13岁的时候，朋友邀请我夏天去加利福尼亚玩两周。我特别想去，十分兴奋，但父亲却说不行。 “她哪儿也不去。”爸爸对妈妈说。 “哦，太晚了，我已经给她买好票了。”妈妈说。 “你们总是做什么事情都背着我。真是气死我了，我觉得不被尊重！”他大喊。如果我们不是认为他会不假思索地拒绝，我们早就会征求他的意见，但我当时不想说这些，不想让争吵升级。我明白他对当年的事故感到生气和抑郁，但我觉得他拿家人出气这不公平。所以愤怒继续在我心中积聚。我会故意做一些他不喜欢的事情来跟他作对。 14岁的时候，我开始接受心理辅导来帮助自己处理所有这些不好的情绪。我姐姐也是。我不想让父亲知道这件事，但最后母亲还是告诉了他：我们去接受心理辅导，因为我们都恨他。(她原话不是这么说的，她的措辞要更委婉一些。) 令人惊讶的是，我注意到父亲在知道我因为他而要接受心理辅导之后，就开始慢慢变了。他不再因为我的房间乱糟糟而吼我，他努力试图跟我有更多的交谈。他遇到电脑方面的问题会请我帮忙，或是问我我的大学计划，或是我什么时候拿到驾照。我们俩都喜欢绿植，所以我们会讨论各自想买的绿植。当他出去买绿植的时候，也会给我买一些回来。我的房间实在乱的时候，他会平静地跟我说：“别忘了收拾房间。”他变好这件事让我觉得局促不安。我已经习惯了我们不说话的状态，而且说实话我也更喜欢那样。我还在生他的气。 父女关系大倒退 我跟父亲的关系一直在改善，直到他做了一件伤害我的事。我的心理咨询师会救助无家可归的猫，她给了我一只。但是我们家已经有一只猫了，而且我也只被允许养一只。所以我试着把这第二只猫藏在我房间里。两周后，爸爸发现了它。“这是谁的猫？”他问。随后他让我处理掉它，但是我没理他。 几天后，我带着我的朋友亚历克丝回到家，我的猫不见了。 “我的猫呢？”我大喊着。 “你不愿意处理掉它，我就亲自动手了。”爸爸说。 说完他向后院走去。“换了我，我可不会就这么算了。”亚历克丝说。她的话让我怒火中烧。 我跟着父亲出去，用所有我能想到的恶毒的话语咒骂他。“我这一辈子都恨你！”我大喊着。我以前从来没像这样冲着我父亲大喊大叫过。 “你这个忘恩负义的东西。我是你父亲，你却对我不尊。如果我跟我父亲这么说话，他早就抽我了。” “随便。”我说。 让我惊讶的是，他并没有发火，相反地，他哭了起来。我以前从没见他哭过。不过我当时也没有替他感到难过。怒火和厌恶吞噬了我。他走回了屋子。我回到我房间和朋友还有姐姐聊天。他一直没有告诉我他是怎么处理那只猫的。 和平相处 几个月过后，我们慢慢又开始说话了。 我姐姐说服了我，让我在父亲跟我说话的时候回应他。“你对他说所有那些伤人的话，就因为他把你的猫送走了。你不能就这样贬低一个人。那只是一只猫，但他是你父亲。你说翻脸就翻脸。”姐姐说。 “我想让他知道我对他的看法。”我说。 虽然我同意了重新开始跟他说话，但我始终不明白姐姐的意思。 不过，除了那个小插曲之外，父亲一直在试着变成一个更好的人，所以我也在试着原谅他。现在，我对我们眼下的关系感觉还不错。一切都已有所好转，而且还在继续朝着好的方向发展。我也不再那么生他的气了，因为虽然他好些年来都不是个好父亲，但是他在改。我知道他出发点是好的，他希望我能拥有最好的。 文章摘自：《新东方英语·中学生》杂志2017年2月号