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《“熊孩子”是怎么把数学作业弄丢的》
How Winston Lost His Math Homework
"I’ve heard a lot of excuses for not having homework, Winston,” said Mrs. Walker, "but this—"
"Excuse me," Winston said, interrupting as politely as possible, "please don’t give me a zero. I can explain."
Mrs. Walker sat down at her desk and sighed. "O.K. Tell me how your homework became part of the ecosystem )."
The other kids turned toward Winston. He sat with his hands folded on his desk.
"Yesterday," he began, speaking loudly so that everyone could hear, "after I got home, I had a snack, then went up to my room to do my homework. It was such a warm day that I opened my windows to get some fresh air. My desk is in front of a window, and there’s a window on another wall, so I can get a cross breeze.
"The math homework was pretty hard. After I finished it, I needed a break. I had some new bubblegum tape ), so I tore off a piece to practice. Michael and I are having a contest to see who can blow the biggest bubble."
"That’s right," Michael said. "We are."
Winston nodded at Michael and continued. "I got to thinking that the more gum, the bigger the bubble. I kept adding gum, and my bubbles kept growing. Pretty soon I was blowing bubbles so big they covered my whole face, and all I could see was pink."
"Wow," whispered Darlene, who had the desk behind him.
"Then it happened. I blew a bubble as big as a beach ball." He curved his arms over his head to show how big it was.
A few of the kids rolled their eyes like they didn’t believe him, and John said, "You didn’t!"
Michael whirled ) in his seat to face John. "If he says he did, he did! Winston doesn’t lie. He doesn’t even exaggerate!"
Winston smiled at Michael.
"Please go on," said Mrs. Walker.
Winston cleared his throat. "I didn’t know how big the bubble was at first because—like I said—all I could see was pink. All of a sudden a gust of wind tore the bubble right out of my mouth! I maybe could have caught it, but I was in shock at how huge it was. The giant bubble floated across my desk and out the window. As it sailed away, I saw something yellow stuck to it. Like paper.
Then I noticed my homework was missing. I made a dive for it, but too late. The beachball bubble was on its way."
"On its way to where?" Asked Mrs. Walker.
"To Dr. Drinkwater on a ladder cleaning out his gutters ). My bubble flew onto his head and then down the street. It was the first time I ever saw Dr. Drinkwater get mad."
"Why would he care about a bubble?" asked Mrs. Walker.
"Because it floated away with his toupee )." Winston swallowed. "He looked very bald. He pointed at my bubble and yelled, ‘Come back here with that!’ The bubble didn’t stop. At Ms. Pearl’s house, friends were arriving. When they saw Dr. Drinkwater’s toupee overhead, they thought it was a flying tarantula ) and started screaming.
"Ms. Pearl rushed outside just as Dr. Drinkwater ran past chasing his hair down the street. I don’t know if she and her friends realized that the hairy thing was Dr. Drinkwater’s toupee or if they wanted to warn him about the tarantula, but all of them chased Dr. Drinkwater, who was chasing his hair, until the bubble, the homework, and the hair got stuck in a spider web in Mrs. Roosevelt’s peach tree."
"This is getting involved )," said Mrs. Walker. "Could you leave out the details?"
Winston nodded. "Mrs. Roosevelt’s cat attacked Dr. Drinkwater’s hair. The bubble broke. Everything got sticky. There was a lot of yelling and pointing and a black streak ) that I think was the cat escaping."
Mrs. Walker did not look impressed.
"I checked the peach tree,” Winston added, “after things had settled down. But my homework was nowhere in sight. All I found was a lot of birds flying around with Dr. Drinkwater’s hair in their beaks. I guess it made good nesting material."
Mrs. Walker shook her head. "Honestly, Winston, why didn’t you just tell me the math was too hard instead of making up that wild story?"
Just then the office assistant walked in. "Excuse me, Mrs. Walker. A woman dropped this off for Winston Howard."
Everyone watched Winston open the envelope and take out his wrinkled homework page and a crisp ) note that said "For Winston’s teacher". He handed them both to Mrs. Walker and returned to his seat.
Bits of fur were stuck to the homework. Mrs. Walker stared at it, then laid it on her desk. She glanced at the note, then read aloud:
Winston must have intended to turn this in. He’s very responsible. I have no idea how his homework got stuck to my cat, but I’m sure Winston can give you a logical explanation.
Mrs. Roosevelt
Mrs. Walker looked up. "It was all true!"
"Yes, ma’am," Winston said quietly.
"I’m terribly sorry I didn’t believe you!" She picked up her notebook and looked for his name.
“我已经听过太多不交作业的借口了，温斯顿，”沃克夫人说，“但是这次——”
“对不起，”温斯顿说，尽可能礼貌地打断她，“请不要给我零分。我可以解释的。”
沃克夫人在办公桌后坐下叹了口气：“好吧。告诉我你的作业是怎么人间蒸发的？”
其他孩子都望向温斯顿。他坐了下来，双手叠放在课桌上。
“昨天，”他讲了起来，声音洪亮，以便每个人都能听到，“我到家以后，吃了块点心，然后走进我的房间去写作业。天气那么暖和，我打开窗户去呼吸些新鲜的空气。我的书桌就摆在窗前，另一面墙上还有一扇窗，因此我可以吹吹过堂风。
“数学作业挺难的。做完之后我需要休息一下。我买了一种新的泡泡糖卷，于是撕下来一块尝一尝。我和迈克尔一直在比赛，看谁能吹出最大的泡泡。”
“没错，”迈克尔说，“我们是在比赛。”
温斯顿朝迈克尔点了点头，然后继续说道：“我在想，嚼的泡泡糖越多，吹出的泡泡就越大。于是我不断增加泡泡糖，吹的泡泡也越来越大。不一会儿，我就吹出好几个很大的泡泡，它们大到挡住了我的整张脸，让我满眼看到的只有粉红色。”
“哇哦！”坐在温斯顿后面的达莱娜小声惊叹。
“然后发生了一件事。我吹出了一个沙滩球那么大的泡泡。”他双臂弯曲，高举过头顶，比划着那个泡泡的大小。
一些孩子翻了翻白眼，好像不相信他的话，接着约翰说：“怎么可能！”
迈克尔在座位上转过身看着约翰。“他说做到了，那就一定做到了！温斯顿从不说谎。他甚至都不会吹牛！”
温斯顿朝迈克尔微微一笑。
“请继续讲吧。”沃克夫人说。
温斯顿清了清嗓子。“起初我并不知道这个泡泡有多大，因为，正如我所说的，我只能看到一片粉红色。突然间，一阵风把这个泡泡从我的嘴里吹了出去！我本来有可能可以抓住它，但是看到它那么大，我只顾震惊了。那个巨大的泡泡飘过我的书桌，飞出了窗外。在它飞走的时候，我看到一个黄色的东西粘在上面，好像是纸。然后我发现我的作业不见了。我跳起来扑向它，但是太晚了。那个沙滩球一样的泡泡已经飞走了。”
“飞哪儿去了？”沃克夫人问道。
“飞到德林克沃特医生那里了，他当时正站在梯子上清理雨水槽。我的泡泡飞到了他的头上，然后沿着街道飞走了。这是我第一次看到德林克沃特医生那么生气。”
“他为什么那么在意一个泡泡呢？”沃克夫人问道。
“因为它带着他的假发飞走了，”温斯顿咽了一下口水，“他看起来秃顶很严重。他指着我的泡泡叫喊着：‘都给我回来！’那个泡泡并没有停下。在珀尔女士的屋前，她的朋友们刚刚到达。看到头顶上方德林克沃特医生的假发时，他们还以为那是一只飞着的狼蛛，于是尖叫起来。
“珀尔女士跑了出来，那时德林克沃特医生正从她家门前跑过，沿着街道追他的假发。我不知道她和她的朋友们是否意识到那个毛茸茸的东西就是德林克沃特医生的假发，还是他们想警告他那是狼蛛，反正所有人都跟着只顾追自己假发的德林克沃特医生跑，直到泡泡、我的作业还有那顶假发一起被罗斯福夫人家桃树上的蜘蛛网给粘住。”
“这真是越来越复杂了，”沃克夫人说，“你能不能略去细节？”
温斯顿点了点头。“罗斯福夫人的猫扑向了德林克沃特医生的假发。泡泡破了。所有东西都变得黏糊糊的。很多人叫喊着，指点着，还有一道黑影闪过——我觉得那是在逃走的猫。”
沃克夫人看起来没听进去。
“在一切都平静下来以后，”温斯顿继续说，”我检查了那棵桃树。但是到处都找不到我的作业了。我只看见很多鸟叼着德林克沃特医生的假发到处飞。我猜那是筑巢的好材料。”
沃克夫人摇了摇头。“温斯顿，老实说，你为什么不直接告诉我数学作业太难了，而是要去编造这样一个离奇的故事呢？”
就在那时，办公室助理走了进来。“打扰一下，沃克夫人。一个女士让我把这个交给温斯顿·霍华德。”
大家看着温斯顿打开信封，拿出他皱巴巴的作业纸，还有一张干净的纸条，上面写着“温斯顿的老师收”。他把这两样东西都交给了沃克夫人，然后回到了座位上。
作业纸上还粘着几根毛。沃克夫人盯着作业纸，然后把它放在了办公桌上。她看了眼纸条，然后大声念道：
温斯顿肯定想把这个交给您。他非常有担当。我不知道他的作业纸是怎么粘在我家猫咪身上的，但是我确信温斯顿会给您一个合理的解释。
罗斯福夫人
沃克夫人抬起头来。“这是真的！”
“是的，夫人。”温斯顿平静地说。
“我很抱歉没有相信你！”她拿起她的笔记本，开始寻找他的名字。
文章摘自：《新东方英语·中学生》杂志2017年6月号
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