Friends 902 The One Where Emma Cries

【Scene: Continues from The One Where No One Proposes - Ross is still next to Rachel.】 Ross: You said you'd marry Joey? Rachel: OK, you have to realize, I was exhausted, I was emotional, I would have said yes to anybody. Like that time you and I got married. (Long pause) I'm not helping. Ross: So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby? Rachel: That is right and traditionally the daddy is supposed to give the mummy a present but I am prepared to let that go. Ross: So when I came in here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again, you were engaged to my best friend. Rachel: Well (Looks at Ross quizzically) Really? I thought Chandler was your best friend. Ross: Well, Chandler's my oldest friend, but Joey's my NO! Ah! (points at Rachel) Rachel: Ooooo! Joey: (Enters) Hey I'm gonna take off. I just wanted to let you guys know, say goodbye. Ross: Rachel said she'd marry you! Joey: (He looks around the room) This isn't the right room, sorry folks. (leaves) Opening Credits [Scene: Monica, Phoebe, Joey & Chandler are at Ross & Rachel's waiting for them to come home.] Monica: OK, I don't wanna be negative so I'll say that most of the signs you bought are good. Phoebe: No they ran out of "It's a girl" (the sign says "It's a boy") but I can fix this one, (she writes "not" in between it's and a) See? Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. Honey. Chandler: Yea yea. (pulls the balloon out of his mouth) Monica: Honey why don't you go lie down. Chandler: No, no, Ross and Rachel will be back soon and then I gotta go to the office (pulls a balloon out of his mouth) Am I producing them? Joey: Why're you so tired? Chandler: Couldn't sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldn't sleep, you know, I was like, if I fall asleep now I'll get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now I'll get 5 hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldn't fall asleep. Joey: You know what you should've done, you should have told yourself that little story. Rachel: (enters with Emma) Hi! Everyone: Hi, welcome home! Monica: Phoebe did the signs. Rachel: Oh you guys thanks for doing this. Phoebe: Look at all the stuff people sent! Rachel: Oh AH! (see's a big gorilla stuffed animal) Oh my gosh there's something every mother needs, a giant stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment! What are people think?(reads the card) Oh you guys I love it. Joey: Hey so where's Ross? Rachel: He's downstairs getting the rest of the stuff out of the cab. Joey: Is he still mad at us? Rachel: Well, you more then me, but he can't stay to mad at me. I mean, I just had his baby. Joey: That's not fair! I can't do that. Rachel: Yeah, I'm not too sure you should be here when he comes up. Joey: See this is what I was afraid of, I didn't think I should be here either but somebody (looks at Chandler) said he'd be over it by now. Chandler: Hey, what do I know? I wanted to get a bigger gorilla. [Scene: Chandler keeps drifting off to sleep at his meeting.] Ms. McKenna: The numbers we are seeing New York, Chicago & London are consistently solid, but many of our officers have reported disappointing fields. (Chandler drifts off and his arm slips off the table and he wakes back up.) Ms. McKenna: Boston is down, Atlanta, Houston is down, I could go on and on but instead of boring you I'll go straight to my forty two point plan. (Chandler leans over to the man next to him drifting off yet again, realizing he gets back up.) Chandler: Walter (nods). [Scene: Phoebe Monica Rachel & Ross at the apartment.] Phoebe: She's just so cute! I just wanna bite her ear off and use it and a sucking candy. Monica: Phoebe! But I could take one of those little feet and put it in a peter pocket. Ross: (comes out from the back room) OK I put most of the stuff away. Rachel: Oh great, the pacifiers? Ross: In the closet. Rachel: The burping clogs? Ross: Linen closet. Rachel: The diapers? Ross: In the hospital. Phoebe: Wow you guys got a hospital fetish! Ross: No I left the diapers at the hospital! There's some in the bag but I'll run out and get some more. Rachel: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin? Ross: Sure what kind? Rachel: Umm let me think...What do I want, what d-o I w-a-n-t... Ross: Please take your time, it's an important decision. Not like, say, I know! deciding to marry someone, this is about a muffin (opens his eyes and acts like its serious) Rachel: Blueberry. Ross: Blueberry it is. Rachel: Thanks. Monica: Wow, he's really not letting this go, is he? Rachel: God how long do you think that's gonna last? Phoebe: I dunno, well he got over the "we were on a break" thing really quickly. Rachel: You know what? I can't even worry about that right now, cause I got the cutie little baby, oh I can't believe how much I love her, I can't get enough of her, like right now I miss her I actually miss her. Phoebe: You know that's?that's her. Rachel: Oh god look at her sleeping, oh I love her so much, oh I think I'm gonna wake her up. Phoebe: Oh no, Rach, no no, you know you're never supposed to wake a sleeping baby. Rachel: Well I can do whatever I want, I made her, come on little girl, hi! (Emma starts crying) Phoebe: I don't wanna say I told you so but she's kinda doing that for me. Rachel: Oh I'm sorry mummy's so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep shh shhh! Go back to sleep (Emma continues crying in the background) Monica: Breaks your heart doesn't it Phoebe: It really does?how long do you think we have to stay? [Scene: Chandlers meeting continues] Ms. McKenna: Ok if everyone's on board, it's settled, Chandler, (Walter puts his hand on Chandlers hand, Chandler sleeping puts his hand on top of his, he then wakes up and pulls his hand away) Chandler? Chandler: Yep. Ms. McKenna: Are you on board? Chandler: (not knowing what he's saying yes to) Yes. Ms. McKenna: Then, problem solved. Chandler will be running our office in Tulsa. You're gonna love Oklahoma. (Chandler smiles and nods then realizes what he's agreed to.) [Scene: Emma continues crying while Rachel, Monica and Phoebe try different methods to quiet her down.] Phoebe: Well, alright, we already tried feeding her, changing her, burping her, oh try this one! Go back in time and listen to Phoebe! Monica: Alright here's something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side. Rachel: OK (starts swinging Emma rapidly and she stops crying) Monica: It worked! Rachel: Oh (happy) oh no just stopped to throw up a little bit. (Emma starts crying again.) Oh come on, what am I gonna do, its been hours and it won't stop crying. Monica: Umm, "she", Rach, not "it" -- "she. " Rachel: Yeah, I'm not so sure. Monica: Oh my god, I am losing my mind. Phoebe: Yeah, no kidding, this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross. Scene: Ross in central perk getting Rachel her muffin. Ross: Hey Gunther, can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go? (He puts a bag with dippers in it on the counter.) Gunther: Dippers huh? Ross: Yep. Gunther: So I guess Rachel had you baby? Ross: Yep, can you believe it? Gunther: Nope, I still can't believe she slept with you in the first place Ross: Huh? Ooh (laughs) you mean like a?Huh? Joey: (Comes in.) Hey. (smiles, Ross just ignores him and turns back round) Ross, I know you're pissed at me, but we have to talk about this, ah actually we don't, (Ross walks off) fine, fine OK but I gotta say technically, I didn't even do anything wrong. Ross: (turns back) What! (angry) You didn't do anything wrong?! Joey: I said I didn't technically. Ross: OK let's put aside that you (finger quote-mark gesture) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel. Joey: Look, can I just stop you right there for a second? When people do this (finger quote-mark gesture) " ", I don't really know what that means. (Ross just looks at him) You were saying? Ross: And I can even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel, but why couldn't you tell me, huh? You had all day to and you didn't. Joey: I know I should've. (quote-mark gesture) "im sorry" Ross: Not using it right, Joe. (He brings his hands in closer to his face then does it again.) Ross: I'm gonna go. Joey: No, come on Ross! (he grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this. Ross: Give me the bag Joey: No, look, I don't know what else to do. I said I'm sorry. Ross: Joey! Joey: You should scream at me or hit me. Ross: I'm not gonna hit you. Joey: Why not, you'll feel better, I'll feel better, and I know you want to. I can see it in your eyes. Ross: No I don't. Joey: A little bit. Ross: No. Joey: Little bit. Ross: No! Joey: (excited) A little bit more. Ross: Give me the bag. Joey: No, hit me Ross: Give me the bag. Joey: Hit me. Ross: Joey, give me the bag. Joey: Hit me! Ross: Joe I'm not kidding?/p> Joey: (interrupting) Hit me, hit me. Ross: No! Joey: (shouts) Hit me! Hit me! (Ross goes crazy and goes to punch him, but Joey gets out of the way and Ross punchs his hand against the pole. Ross then screams from the pain and turns to Gunther, and Gunther has a huge smile on his face.) Ross: You ducked!! Joey: I'm sorry! It was a reflex! Ross: Oh my god, this really hurts!!! Joey: I couldn't help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesn't and Joey punches Ross in the eye! Gunther looks very happy.) Ross: What is the matter with you?!? Joey: You were supposed to duck!!! Why didn't you duck? Ross: Why don't we talk about this on the way to the hospital? Joey: Good, good yeah, (grabs the bags) maybe while we're there, they can check your reflexes. (Joey opens the door and it hits Ross in the face with it.) "Oops" (Commercial Break) [Scene: Emma is still crying.] Monica: Try feeding her again. Rachel: I already fed her. Monica: I know, that's why I said again! Phoebe: Alright you guys, we can't turn on each other, that's just what she wants. Chandler: (enters) Hey Monica: Hey Chandler: Monica can I talk to you outside for a minute? Rachel: Oh no, you guys, just stay here, I'm gonna go check her diaper, Pheebs you wanna come? Phoebe: Oh I'm kinda part of this. Chandler: Actually Pheebs its more of a husband and wife kinda thing Phoebe: I knew I should have married Chandler. (Phoebe and Rachel go to the back room and Emma continues to cry in the background while Chandler and Monica talk.) Monica: OK what's up Chandler: OK, umm, you know how we always said that it would be fun to move to Paris for a year? You know, you could study French cooking and I could write and we could take a picnic along the sand and go wine tasting in Bordeaux? Monica: Oh yeah (smiles). Chandler: OK, you know that people say that Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma? Monica: What? Who says that? Chandler: People who've never ever been to Paris. Monica: What's going on? Chandler: We're moving to Tulsa! (makes a excited expression on his face) Monica: Excuse me? Chandler: OK, Ms. McKenna, she kind of works above my boss, she asked me to move to Tulsa and be the president of our office there, and I was sleeping and apparently, said yes. Monica: (stands up angry) Tulsa Oklahoma! Chandler: The sooner state, whatever that is. Monica: Chandler, I don't even wanna see the musical Oklahoma! Chandler: Really, oh what a beautiful morning staring with a fringe on top. Monica: Are you trying to tell me that we're moving to Oklahoma, or that you're gay? All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise? Chandler: No, no, but they are going to lease us a Ford Focus. (Monica's not impressed) I'll get out of it. Monica: Thank you. Chandler: (hears Emma crying finally) What is wrong with Emma? Monica: Oh she misunderstood, she thought she was moving to Tulsa. ……