Friends 1009 The One With The Birth Mother

[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter] Chandler: Hi! Ross: Hey! Monica: Hey! Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio. Phoebe: Oh, right! Your adoption interview! Monica: Yep, we're gonna meet the lady who could be carrying our baby. Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird! Chandler: And so incorrect! Monica: She's only a couple of months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows if she's gonna like us. Ross: Come on, she's gonna love you guys! Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up. Monica: And a lot could still get in our way. Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better.. Phoebe: What are you gonna name the baby? Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word. Joey: But just think, ok? What if everything goes right? What if this woman does pick you guys? Monica: Oh my God. She's gonna pick us! Chandler: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'? Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby! Chandler: Yes, but... Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! (she leaves) Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's speaking to a girl.] Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, who's Phoebe with? Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Joey: So... who's your friend? Phoebe: Oh, that's Sarah. No, no. Don't you get any ideas, ok? No, I'm not setting you up with any more of my friends! Joey: OW, why, why, why? Phoebe: Because you'll date her once, sleep with her and then forget she exists! Joey: Oh, name one friend of yours that I did that with. Phoebe: Mandy. Joey: Mandy, uh? Uh... really hot blonde, big boobs? Phoebe: No. Joey: I know why I don't remember her, huh? (he winks at Rachel) Rachel: Do you think I'm someone else? Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach? Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else! Joey: (pointing at himself) Growth! Phoebe: Fine, I'll give you her number. Joey: Ok, thank you. And I promise you I will not forget this one. (he starts writing on his hand) Mandy. Phoebe: SARAH! Joey: Saraaah. Ross: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hi! Ross: Hey you guys, I need some fashion advice. Rachel: Oh! Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look? Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away! Ross: C'mon! This looks good! Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat. Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool! Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right? Ross: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something, she kinda teased me about how I dress. Joey: I can see why, nice shirt! Ross: You're wearing the same shirt. Joey: Stupid Gap on every corner! [Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.] Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica. Monica: Ok, thank you.(the man leaves) Uh, well this is it. Are you OK? Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?" Monica: Uh, we're gonna be great. Chandler: You're gonna be great. Monica: Well... obviously! Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica. Monica: Hi. It is so, so nice to meet you. Erica: (whispering) Hi... Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us. Erica: Hi. Agency guy: I'll let you get acquainted. Chandler: Ok. Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D. Chandler: That's what our friends call us. Erica: Gosh, you know, you're just such an amazing couple. It's... kind of intimidating. Monica: I don't know about that. Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend? Chandler: (astonished) I don't think that's exactly... Monica: (overlapping) Let her finish, doctor.   [Scene: Central Perk] Phoebe: Hey! Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night. Joey: Well... Phoebe: Yeah! So you're gonna call this one back? Joey: Nope. Phoebe: What are you talking about? Sarah's great! Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere... (Sarah picks up some fries from Joey's plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we're back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe) Phoebe: That's it? That's why you won't go out with her again? So, she took some fries, big deal! Joey: Hey, hey, look! It's not about a few fries... it's about what the fries represent. Phoebe: What? Joey: ALL FOOD! Phoebe: I'm sorry, I can't believe I set you up with such a MONSTER! Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don't order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That's a good way to lose some fingers! (Rachel enters from the main door) Phoebe: (to Rachel) Oh Rachel: Hi Phoebe: Thank God you're here. Listen to this! Rachel: what? Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries... Rachel: Oh! Oh, no! (Joey looks satisfied) Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing? Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn't share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ... Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn't let her have a grape? Rachel: Oh no! Not me! Emma! (Phoebe looks horrified and she turns to watch Joey) Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD! Phoebe: Well, I still think that it's a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table! Joey: (he thinks a little, considering the option and seems to be quite satisfied) I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I’ll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. (he looks absorbed in his food thoughts) What were we talking about? [Scene: A clothes store. Ross and Phoebe are shopping] Phoebe: (to Ross) This place is awesome! Ross: You know, we should just go, I'm not gonna find anything here! This stuff is ridiculous! (Rachel arrives with a lot of clothes) Rachel: Ah, this place is great! Phoebe: Wow! Ross: Rach, come on, I'm not gonna wear any of this! (he picks up a shirt) Nothing silver. (Rachel sighs). Ok? Nothing with hair! (Rachel sighs again) And nothing with padlocks on it! (Rachel heaves a long disappointing sigh). Rachel: Ross, look, I know that some of this stuff is out there, but I mean, come on, look at this, look at this sweater! (she picks up a blue sweater). I mean, this is just beautiful! Ross: (feeling the fabric) Wow, this is really soft (he looks the price). Three hundred and fifty dollars? Rachel: Yeah, down from seven hundred, you are saving like two hundred bucks! Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today. Phoebe: (walking to Ross carrying a black leather jacket): Hey, check this out! It's totally you! Ross: Wow! Phoebe: Yeah! (Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror) Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there's a sign on the back of the jacket, “boys will be boys”) Boys will be boys? Phoebe: What? They will be! Ross: All right, that's it, I'm getting out of here. Rachel: No, no, no, no! Ross, wait! Come on! You know, there's other stuff. Here's a nice shirt, look at these nice pants... Ross: Uh, actually these might look pretty good on me. Rachel: Yes, they will! You know what you should do? Just go take a walk, all right? I know your size and I'm... I'm gonna pick up some really good stuff for you. Ross: Really? Rachel: Yes! And I know what looks sexy on guys. Please, just wear what I suggest, and she's gonna go nuts for you. Ross: So, you're saying, uh, if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers? Rachel: (to Phoebe) Why do men keep talking to me like this? [Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.] Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife's a reverend, that's important to you? Erica: Yeah, I read some great applications, but then I thought “who better then a minister to raise a child!” Monica: Amen. Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor! Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands. Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the bible say anything about adoption? Monica: It says "Do it!" And behold she did adopt unto them a baby. And it was good. Erica: Wow. Chandler: Yeah, wow. Erica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. (to Monica) Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock? Monica: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock. Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time. Chandler: Not for me it doesn't. (The agency guy enters the room) Agency guy: So, how's everything going in here? Erica: We're great, I think I may have asked all my questions. Agency guy: Do you have any question for Erica? Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us? Agency guy: Yes, our system assures total anonymity. We're very proud of it. Chandler: You should be. You're really on top of stuff.. Agency guy: (to Erica) Well, then if there's nothing else, then the two of us should talk. Erica: Actually, I don't think we have to. Monica: We don't? Erica: Yeah, when I read about you two, I was pretty sure I wanted you, but I just thought we should meet face to face. (to the agency guy). I've made my decision. I choose them. Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that? Chandler: Yeah, I did. Monica: (to Erica) Hey, thank you. Thank you so much. (they hugs). You are SO going to Heaven! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe walk in, loaded with bags.] Rachel: We got some really great stuff! Phoebe: Yeah, yeah but I am not sure about some of the bra's I got. Rachel: Oh! Really? Do you wanna try some of them on for me? Phoebe: Oh! okay. Wait, are we in Joey's imagination? Rachel: (looking into one of her shopping bags) Oh no! I took one of Ross' bags by mistake, and one of mine is missing. ……