多语 ✿ 你不需要很性感

原文 《You Don&`&t Need to Be Sexy》 Two months ago,I was 26 pounds heavier.My clothing size was always an XL and the sales associate was widely amused when I asked for a jacket that would fit me. When I used to imagine being skinny(I will never be truly“skinny”because I have the body type of a Viking,everything seemed wonderful:I would look in the mirror and feel like a goddess(the one with the superpowers,not the 50 Shades,people on the streets would throw all types of roses when I walked by,I would be the winner on the next season of America’s Next Top Model. But mostly,I just wanted to experience something I never had before.I wanted to feel sexy.And hey,just to clarify:Sexy for myself.I didn’t work hard to lose weight only so a couple of bored(and boring)guys could yell nasty stuff at me on the streets,I did it for me;I was the one who wanted to feel sexy,to look at myself in the mirror and say“Damn,girl!”But it wasn’t,and as hard as I try,it isn’t happening... I bought expensive Victoria’s Secret glittering bras only to look at them weeks later and think“what am I going to do with this”,then listed them on eBay but of course,no one will want to buy your used bra.And I should also admit that I LOVE granny panties.They are comfortable,and that is all you need when it comes to underwear.Go home,thongs;you’re ugly and no one likes you. I remembered sexy ladies wear a lot of red.Red on the lips,nails,and on their clothes.So I tried:red lipstick makes me look like a clown;red nails leave marks all over my notebooks,so my essays look like a murder scene.The red dress I bought looks good on anyone except me,it’s my pilates instructor’s next birthday gift—seriously,she asked for it. High heels are also supposed to make a girl feel great.But I’m 5’10”tall,shoe size 11,and have zero tolerance to pain;high heels to me are basically a torture instrument.Another thing I tried was Zumba classes,because I noticed they move their hips a lot(another belief about sexiness:hips are sexy.Thanks,Shakira!).It definitely is fun,but nope,not making it happen.It was a bunch of 40-year-old ladies who wear tank tops in winter and look awesome,whereas I am sweaty and my face looks pomegrante red. As a last resort,I tried to copy those who I thought were sexy.So I watched lots of Beyonce videos and went through life as if I had the best butt in the neighborhood.But truth be told,I don’t,and I can’t even pretend I do. I stopped for a second and thought:what’s being sexy? Dictionary.com states:“Sexually interesting or exciting.Radiating sexuality”Do I want to radiate sexuality?And it’s weird,don’t you think,to“radiate sexuality?”I can only picture a microwave in lingerie,saying things like“let’s spend the night together,you stud”.Do I want to be a weirdly sexual microwave?Absolutely not. Then,I turned to the more familiar and honest Urban Dictionary:“Sexy is used to describe someone who you think is amazingly attractive and you want in their pants”—Channing Tatum.But to be honest,I don’t like the idea of any one just“wanting in my pants”—god,what a horrible expression.But in the end,I understood:I don’t need to become sexy.And neither does anybody. Sexy is subjective:sexy can be Adriana Lima or me,after 12 weeks of not shaving my legs(winter).Sexy is make up and no makeup,actress and barista,Magic Mike and Storage Wars. Why should I change my ways to“feel sexy”?Instead,I’m gonna work hard towards a concept that NEEDS to change:We need more plus sized models,more scared of sexiness LizLemons,more Amy Schumers reminding us that butts are not so important.We need to understand that things can and will be different than how we conceive them.Please. So ultimately,I may not be what the Entourage crew—haven’t even watched that show but I can already smell the sexism—would think is“hot,dude!”,but I am a smart,strong,funny lady and if that isn’t sexy,well,to hell with it. 译文 《你不需要很性感》 　　两个月前，我的体重比现在重26磅（约23.6斤）。我一直都穿加大码的衣服，听到我说想买一件适合我穿的夹克衫时，导购员都被我逗乐了。 　　以前我总幻想自己拥有苗条的体型（我不可能真的“苗条”，因为我有着维京人高大的体型），一切看起来都那么美好：我会看着镜中的自己，感觉自己就像一位女神（那种拥有超能力的女神，不是电影《五十度灰》里的那种），只要我走在大街上，人们就会向我投来各种玫瑰，我会成为下一季《全美超模大赛》的冠军。 　　然而最主要的是，我只想体验未曾有过的感受。我想感受性感。 　　嘿，我得澄清一点：我指的是为自己性感。我努力减肥，不是为了走在大街上有几个百无聊赖（也无聊至极）的男生向我喊几句粗言秽语，我只为自己而性感；我只是想感受性感，想对着镜中的自己说“这女孩真赞！”可事实并非如此，即便我非常努力，这至今仍未成真…… 　　我买来昂贵的维多利亚的秘密的闪亮文胸，结果只是瞪大眼睛看了好几个星期，不禁想“我买它来干什么？”，接着我在易趣网上架了这些衣服，不过当然了，没有人会想买你的二手文胸。我也不得不承认我爱死保守型内裤了。它们很舒适，而这正是作为内衣所应该具备的。滚回家吧，丁字裤；你丑死了，没有人会喜欢你的。 　　我记得性感女性非常喜欢红色。红艳艳的双唇、美甲和服饰。于是我也尝试一番：红唇让我看起来像一个小丑；红色美甲在我的笔记本上留下许多划痕，以至于我的作文看起来像是个凶案现场。我买的那条红色裙子除了我之外，其他人穿起来都很好看，后来它成了我的普拉提老师的下一份生日礼物——千真万确，她自己说想要那条裙子。 　　高跟鞋也是一样能让女生变女神的神物。可是我身高五尺十寸（约178厘米），穿11码的鞋子（约43码），还忍受不了哪怕一丁点的疼痛；穿高跟鞋对于我来说，简直就是一大酷刑。 　　我的另外一个尝试是参加尊巴舞课程，因为我发现他们常常舞动臀部（这是我对性感的另一个信念：翘臀性感。谢谢你，夏奇拉！）尊巴舞确实很有趣，不过抱歉，我的梦想没有实现。参加课程的是一群年届40、在大冬天里穿着背心看起来还很健美的女士，而我却大汗淋漓，脸蛋红得像熟透的石榴。 　　作为最后的反击，我试着模仿那些我认为性感的人。于是我看了许多碧昂斯的音乐录像带，假装自己拥有整个社区最性感的翘臀。可是事实证明，我并没有这样的翘臀，甚至没法自欺欺人。 　　我停了片刻，思索起来：什么才叫性感？ 　　词典网释义：“能引起性兴趣或兴奋的。显露性欲的。”我希望传递与性相关的信息吗？这听起来怪怪的，你不觉得吗，“显露性欲”？我只能想象到这样一个画面：一股穿着女士内衣的微波，说着像“让我们一起共度春宵吧，猛男”这样的话。我想变成这样一个奇奇怪怪的性欲微波吗？当然不想。 　　接着，我翻查了更为人所熟知和可信的城市词典网：“性感用以形容某个你认为异常吸引并希望与之发生关系的人”——查宁·塔图姆。可是坦白地说，我并不喜欢那种有人“想和我发生关系”的想法——天啊，这个表达好可怕。 　　不过到了最后，我明白了：我不必变得性感。其他人也没有必要刻意性感。 　　性感是主观的：性感可以指阿德里亚娜·利马，也可以指我，一个（冬天）12个星期不除脚毛的人；性感可以是妆容精致，也可以是素面朝天；性感可以是女演员也可以是咖啡师；性感可以是《魔力麦克》，也可以是《存储大战》。 　　 “为什么我要改变自己来“感受性感”？相反，我要致力于一个真正需要改变的概念：我们需要更多加大码的模特，更多像利兹·雷蒙那样害怕性感的人；更多艾米·舒默来提醒我们，臀部并没有那么重要，女孩不需要化妆。我们需要意识到，有时候事情会与我们想象的不太一样。请多一些不一样的声音吧。” 　　所以到了最后，我也许不是《明星伙伴》剧组——虽然我还没看过那部电视剧，但我已经嗅到了其中的性别歧视——认为的那种“真性感，伙计！”，但是我是一位机智、坚强、幽默的女生，如果这也不算性感，那就随它去吧！