介绍:
主播: 阚平
原文:
Visiting Grandpa
My eyes are filled with tears that threaten to spill overas I look at grandpa’s blank, pale blue eyes. My sister is just finished reading a book written by Richard Paul Evans, and my mom turns to face her father who doesn’t even remember reading the same book the day before. “You were that dad for me,” she whispers. “Really?” he replies, smiling with his childlike oblivion. My mom nods, crying, and I clench my hands until my fingers turn white from loss of blood flow.
How can you actually have lost someone in your life when they are still living? Well, I’ve lost my grandpa to Alzheimer’s disease. Sometimes he says funny things that don’t make sense, like “You are a pretty pickle” or “I am the King of Pop-tarts” after some TV commercials. Even though I’ll laugh, my heart pangs with his loss of sense. I often wonder what he’d think if he were looking down on himself from the heavens. Maybe he’d be angry, at his forgotten dignity. Maybe he’d feel his family has left him in the time he needed us most.
This weekend, he is staying at a nursing home which is really nice, but I have never hated a place more. His wife, my grandma, is going to my great grandmother’s 100th birthday party in another state. Obviously, he is in no position to accompany her. He can barely walk since he doesn’t remember how to move his legs, and usually shuffles them uselessly on the floor.
Yesterday was my firsttime visiting him. He had been asleep that very morning and seemed quite enjoying it. He had his own room, with two armchairs and a bed which could sense change in pressure and would alarm the main desk if he got out of bed during the night. There were many activities for him to take part in, and when we came, he was sitting around a circular table where there was a bag of popcorn and a mini can of soda with a small straw sticking out of it. “Hey, papa,” my mom smiled, hugging him with her arms. I hugged him next and shaking arms gathered around me, his arthritic fingers kept stroking my shoulder. “I love you,” I whispered. As we took him back to his bedroom, I couldn’t help but glance into the other darkrooms where sick, lonely and elderly people lay still in their beds. There was often an oxygen machine by their side. They were all friendly, but I still felt awful.
I always thought, as a grandpa, I’d live happily, walking and talking until the very day I die. I always thought that I’d be well enough to see my grandchildren and play with them, despite with graying hair and difficulty in walking. But that kind of grandparents don’t live here, don’t live in the nursing home. These are the people that have the most severe diseases such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease, or in most cases, have difficulty with some physical side of their bodies.
Today when we went to visit grandpa, he was at the same table, playing with a puzzle. He was muttering some nonsense, obviously to the elderly man in front of him. “God loves all of his children,” the other man breathed heavily in response. I began to think of the life I may live so many years in the future. I may be just like the people I saw, sitting in a heavily equipped wheelchair with a clear tube running under my nose, or speaking words nonsense to each other.
This is the life I am given, and maybe when I’m very old, I won’t be in good condition. But for now, with my healthy body, I must live for all those people who can not do the things their hearts most desire. I must wake up every morning with the light shining through my window and jump out of bed. I must run through the big, green fields and feel the sunshine on my face. I must sing and prance around, enjoying life to the fullest. And perhaps someday, when I am dancing, someone very aged will be watching out of their windows and feel as if they were dancing too.
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