Friends 320 The One With The Dollhouse

【前言】剧本，文末有删节~ [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.] Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. You're telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?! Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what it's like to be you? Monica: Wow, you're really crazy about her, huh? Joey: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when we're on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and it's like somebody's ripping out my heart! Phoebe: Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this! Ross: (entering) Hey! All: Hey! Ross: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away. Monica: Yes!! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ross: We were all pretty shaken up about it. Phoebe: Wait, am I missing something though? 'Cause I thought death was something that's supposed to be sad, in a way. Ross: Well ah, Aunt Silvia was, well not a nice person. Monica: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! (Ross gives her a look) (to Ross) And I'm sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse? Ross: You get the dollhouse. Monica: I get the dollhouse! Phoebe: Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel. Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse? Phoebe: No, just a barrel. Monica: Y'know what, you can play with my dollhouse. Phoebe: Really?! Really?! Monica: Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with. Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me. Opening Credits [Scene: Rachel's office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.] Rachel: Hey, Sophie! Sophie: Hey, Rach! Chandler: Hey. Sophie: Hey. Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back up here. Chandler: Oh, that's-that's okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.) Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we don't keep the women's lingerie here in the office? Chandler: Yes, I realise that. Rachel: Summer catalogue! (hands him the catalogue) Chandler: That's the stuff! (quickly grabs it) [Rachel's boss, Joanna, enters] Joanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. (to Chandler) Hello! You don't work for me. Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna. Joanna: Bing! That's a great name. Chandler: Thanks, it's ah, Gaelic, for 'Thy turkey's done.' So ah, I'm gonna go, nice, nice meeting you. Joanna: Me too. Rachel: Bye, Chandler. Joanna: (to Rachel) So ah, what's wrong with him? Rachel: Oh, nothing, he's just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice it anymore. Joanna: Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone? Rachel: No!! No! He's not married, or involved, with anyone! Joanna: Oh, Rachel, (pause) actually, y'know what, forget it. Rachel: Well, I'll ask him for you, if you want me too? Joanna: Would you? Or, is it just to sad and desperate, and y'know something that Sophie would do? Sophie: Uh, uh, uh, I am here. Joanna: I know that. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is showing off her new dollhouse. It's a huge dollhouse, that takes up the entire living room table.] Monica: Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpaper's a little faded, that's okay. Carpet's a little loose. Hardwood floors!! Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hello. Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Oh Monica! It's so beautiful. Monica: I know!!! Phoebe: So, I'm here, ready to play. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.) Monica: What's this? Phoebe: That's a dog, every house should have a dog. Monica: Not one that can pee on the roof. Phoebe: Well, maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste. Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes? Phoebe: No, no, that's the ghost for the attic. Monica: I don't want a ghost. Phoebe: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you've got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground. Ross: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen. Phoebe: Okay, obviously you don't know much about the U.S. government. Rachel: (entering) Hey! All: Hello. Rachel: I need to talk to you! Ross: Sure, what's up? Rachel: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler. Ross: I-I know. Well if something comes up... (walks away) Chandler: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase. Rachel: Okay, my boss, Joanna, when you left, she started asking questions about you... Chandler: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the Chan-Chan man! Rachel: (looks at him) That was (pause) surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you interested at all? Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I'll do it. Rachel: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, she's gonna love me. Phoebe: (holding a dinosaur) Okay, dinosaur attack!! Quick, everybody into the house!! Ahh-ahh! (the dinosaur starts attacking the house. She starts to bark like a dog.) Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof! Monica: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-that's it, that's it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? They're not the right size, they're not Victorian, and they just don't go. Phoebe: Okay, (starts to pack up her stuff) fine. Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination. Ross: Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they don't go, rrroof! Phoebe: The little ones do. [Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are getting ready to rehearse the play.] Joey: Hey, Kate! Kate: Morning. Joey: Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last week... The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him) Joey: (to himself) And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was good, yeah... Woman: Hi, oh, I'm Lauren, Kate's understudy. Joey: Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani. Lauren: I know! I-I'm a big fan of yours. Joey: (looks at her, shocked) What?! Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Joey: Get out of here, really?! Lauren: Absolutely! Joey: Yeah? Lauren: Oh but then, they went and dropped you down that elevator shaft. Joey: They gave me the shaft all right. Lauren: (laughing) Oh, you're so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something? Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great. Lauren: Cool! I-I'll see you then. Joey: All right. The Director: All right, it's time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with her own dollhouse, that she made herself.] Phoebe: Hey! All: Hey! Phoebe: Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!! Rachel: Wow!! Phoebe: Look, look! (She lifts up the roof, and the front panel falls revealing the interior.) Ross: Hey, what's this?! Phoebe: Oh, okay, it's the slide instead of stairs. Watch this. (She slides a doll down the slide) Monica: It's very interesting, Phoebe. Rachel: What's this? Phoebe: The Licorice Room, you can eat all the furniture. And, when guests come over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed. Ross: This is the coolest house ever!! (Monica is looking on with a hurt expression on her face.) Phoebe: Hey, does anybody want to join me in the aroma room? (lights some incense) Rachel: All right! Ross: I would! Monica: Hey, guys, guys, did you see my new, china cabinet?! Ross and Rachel: Uh-huh. Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.) Ross and Rachel: Ooohhhh!! Phoebe: And, and! (She turns on a bubble maker.) Ross and Rachel: Ahhhh!! Chandler: (entering) Hey, my Father's house does that! Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything. Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and there's nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening. Rachel: Hmm. Chandler: Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that, because Joanna's such a big, dull dud! [Scene: Rachel's office, Joanna's telling Rachel, her side of the story.] Joanna: Chandler is fantastic!! Rachel: What?! Joanna: Oh God, we just clicked! Y'know how people just click? Like he came by to pick me up, and I opened the door, and it was just like, click! Did he tell you? Rachel: Oh, I.... Joanna: Oh, and he's got such a good heart! Doesn't he have a good heart? Rachel: Oh, I know... Joanna: Oh, I know and he's soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through. Sophie: Isn't this great?! Joanna: Don't spoil it. [Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing.] Joey: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say? [A phone rings.] The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! It's you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.) Joey: (to Kate) That guy's like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway? Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating. Joey: Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater! It's what's underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who I'm going out with? Kate: I don't care. Why, do you want me to care? Joey: Do you want me to want you to care? Kate: Do you? Joey: What? The Director: (returning) Okay, I'm afraid to say this, but let's pick it up where we left off. [They resume rehearsing.] Joey: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say? Kate: I've got no reason to stay. (Joey grabs her and kisses her.) The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! I'll see you in the morning. (exits) Kate: I can't believe we go on in, in a week. Joey: Hey, it's gonna be all right. Lauren: (to Joey) Hey! So since we're getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs? Joey: What? Lauren: You know! At the place I told you about last night? Joey: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight. Lauren: Oh, okay. Joey: Okay. (he gives her a peck on the cheek) Lauren: I'll see you tomorrow. (she kisses him full on the mouth.) Joey: Okay. Lauren: G'night. (exits) Joey: (to Kate) Ah, are you okay? Kate: Yeah, I guess. Look, what are we gonna do about this scene, huh? Joey: I don't know. Kate: Well umm, maybe if it had more heat. Joey: How do you mean? Kate: Well, Adrian's looking for a reason to stay, right? Victor can't just kiss her, he's gotta, gotta really give her a reason, y'know? Joey: Maybe he could slip her the tongue. Kate: Or maybe, maybe he could grab her, and, and, and, and lift her up. Joey: Yeah, yeah, and then Adrian, she maybe she could wrap her legs around his waist. Kate: And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his stomach! Joey: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her! Kate: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal.... [cut to Joey's bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.] Joey: Something like that? Kate: Yeah, that's pretty much what I had in mind. Joey: Yeah. Commercial Break [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are eating breakfast as Joey enters, very happily.] Joey: (to Ross) Hey. Ross: Hi. Joey: (to Monica) Hey. (He walks up behind Monica and gives her a big hug and a kiss on the neck.) Ross: Hi. Joey: Hey. (He walks over behind Ross, thinks about it for a moment, and gives him a big hug.) …