介绍:
(点击右边黑三角下拉有中英配文）
I stayed with her. I discovered three of her ribs were broken. I kept waiting for her wavering eye, for her broken wrist to bend, for her still mouth to speak. Her glare was permanent. I could not move out of the target of that gaze.
我陪着她，发现她断了三根肋骨。我等着她眨眼，等着她弯曲折断的手腕，等待她张开紧闭的嘴巴说话。她的目光是永恒的，我无法避开。
There are a hundred deities associated with animals, I tell her. There are the ones linked to jackals—Anubis, Duamutef, Wepwawet. These are creatures who guide you into the afterlife—as my early ghost accompanied you, those years before we met. All those parties in London and Oxford. Watching you. I sat across from you as you did schoolwork, holding a large pencil. I was there when you met Geoffrey Clifton at two a.m. in the Oxford Union Library. Everybody’s coats were strewn on the floor and you in your bare feet like some heron picking your way among them. He is watching you but I am watching you too, though you miss my presence, ignore me. You are at an age when you see only good-looking men. You are not yet aware of those outside your sphere of grace. The jackal is not used much at Oxford as an escort. Whereas I am the man who fasts until I see what I want. The wall behind you is covered in books. Your left hand holds a long loop of pearls that hangs from your neck. Your bare feet picking their way through. You are looking for something. You were more plump in those days, though aptly beautiful for university life.
有一百多位神与动物有关，’我对她说。‘有些与豺有关——安努毕斯、杜尔姆图夫和维普瓦维特。这些神灵将引导你进入来世——就像在我们相识之前，我早先的灵魂陪伴你一样。伦敦和牛津的那些晚会。看着你。我坐在你对面，看着你做作业，拿着一支巨大的铅笔。凌晨两点，你在牛津联合图书馆见到了杰弗里•克利夫顿，当时我也在那里。众人的大衣散乱地扔在地上，你光着脚，像鹭一样走过那些衣服。他看着你，但是我也看着你，尽管你忽视了我的存在，忽略了我，你处在只会注意英俊小伙子的年龄。你只在意自己周围的人，牛津并不常用豺来当护花使者。然而我一旦发现了我想要的东西，我会赶紧下手。你身后的墙摆满了书。你的左手拿着从脖子悬挂下来的一长串珍珠。你的赤脚迈着小步。你在寻找着什么?你那时比较丰腴，尽管大学时你的美貌恰到好处。
There are three of us in the Oxford Union Library, but you find only Geoffrey Clifton. It will be a whirlwind romance. He has some job with archaeologists in North Africa, of all places. “A strange old coot I’m working with.” Your mother is quite delighted at your adventure.
我们三个人在牛津联合图书馆里，但是你只看上了杰弗里•克利夫顿。那会是一段飓风般的爱情。他在北非与考古学家一起工作，漂泊四方。我和一个奇怪的老头一起共事。你的母亲对你的爱情冒险感到非常高兴。
But the spirit of the jackal, who was the “opener of the ways,” whose name was Wepwawet or Almasy, stood in the room with the two of you. My arms folded, watching your attempts at enthusiastic small talk, a problem as you both were drunk. But what was wonderful was that even within the drunkenness of two a.m., each of you somehow recognized the more permanent
worth and pleasure of the other. You may have arrived with others, will perhaps cohabit this night with others, but both of you have found your fates.
‘但是那只灵魂叫作维普瓦维特或奥尔马希的豺——引路者——与你俩一起站在屋里。我抱着双臂，望着你们试图闲聊一些有趣的话题——由于你俩都喝醉了，要做到这一点恐怕有问题。但是奇妙的是即使是在凌晨两点，醉意之中，你们都在对方身上体认出了更为持久的价值和快慰。你也许和别人一起到达，也许今晚与别人同住，但是你俩找到了你们的归宿。
At three a.m. you feel you must leave, but you are unable to find one shoe. You hold the other in your hand, a rose-coloured slipper. I see one half buried near me and pick it up. The sheen of it. They are obviously favourite shoes, with the indentation of your toes. Thank you, you say accepting it, as you leave, not even looking at my face.
凌晨三点，你觉得必须走了，可是你找不到一只鞋。你手里拿着另一只，一只玫瑰红的拖鞋。我在身边看到露出鞋堆的半只鞋，于是我拾起鞋。它们是你最喜爱的鞋，你的脚趾可以塞进凹处。谢谢，你说罢拿了过去。在你离去时，你甚至没有看一眼我的脸。
I believe this. When we meet those we fall in love with, there is an aspect of our spirit that is historian, a bit of a pedant, who imagines or remembers a meeting when the other had passed by innocently, just as Clifton might have opened a car door for you a year earlier and ignored the fate of his life. But all parts of the body must be ready for the other, all atoms must jump in one direction for desire to occur.
我相信这个。当我们遇见了我们所爱慕的人时，我们的灵魂会变得喜欢追溯历史，变得有点迂腐，想象或者想起对方曾经擦身而过，就像一年前杰弗里•克利夫顿为你打开过车门，却不在意他的命运。但是你的身心必须为对方作好准备，所有的原子必须都朝着欲望的来处跃去。
I have lived in the desert for years and I have come to believe in such things. It is a place of pockets. The trample oil of time and water. The jackal with one eye that looks back and one that regards the path you consider taking. In his jaws are pieces of the past he delivers to you, and when all of that time is fully discovered it will prove to have been already known.
我在沙漠中生活了多年，我开始相信这些事情。那是一个充满未知的地方。时间和流水的刻划。那只豺一只眼向后看，一只眼打量着你考虑要走的路。豺的爪子上是他奉献给你的点滴过去，在探明了那些时间以后，它将证明早已知晓的情况。
Her eyes looked at me, tired of everything. A terrible weariness. When I pulled her from the plane her stare had tried to receive all things around her. Now the eyes were guarded, as if protecting something inside. I moved closer, and sat on my heels. I leaned forward and put my tongue against the right blue eye, a taste of salt. Pollen. I carried that taste to her mouth. Then the other eye. My tongue against the fine porousness of the eyeball, wiping off the blue; when I moved back there was a sweep of white across her gaze. I parted the lips on her mouth, this time I let the fingers go in deeper and prised the teeth apart, the tongue was “withdrawn,” and I had to pull it forward, there was a thread, a breath of death in her. It was almost too late. I leaned forward and with my tongue carried the blue pollen to her tongue. We touched this way once.
Nothing happened. I pulled back, took a breath and then went forward again. As I met the tongue there was a twitch within it.
她看着我，对一切都已厌倦了——可怕的疲倦。当我把她拖出飞机时，她那凝视的目光试着巡视身边的一切。现在那双眼睛是警觉的，仿佛在保护着什么。我靠近一些，蹲了下来。我倾身向前，伸出舌头，贴着蓝色的右眼，尝到了盐的味道。花粉。我把那种味道传人她的嘴里。然后是另一只眼。我的舌头舔着眼球上的细孔，擦去蓝色。我退后一些，她凝视的目光闪过一道白光。我离开她的双唇，这一次我让手指塞得更深，撬开她的牙齿，舌头缩了进去，我不得不揪出它来。在她体内有着一丝艰难的呼吸。太晚了。我俯下身，我的舌头往她的舌头递进蓝色的花粉。我们有过一次这样的接触。没有反应。我收回身子，吸了一口气，再次俯下身。我碰到舌尖，它抽动了一下。
Then the terrible snarl, violent and intimate, came out of her upon me. A shudder through her whole body like a path of electricity. She was flung from the propped position against the painted wall. The creature had entered her and it leapt and fell against me. There seemed to be less and less light in the cave. Her neck flipping this way and that.
接着是可怕的咆哮，猛烈而亲密，由她传给我。她像触电般浑身颤抖。她原先靠在绘了画的墙壁，忽被往前一推。神灵进入了她的体内，跳着扑到我的身上。洞穴里的光线似乎越来越暗了。她的脖子扭个不停。
I know the devices of a demon. I was taught as a child about the demon lover. I was told about a beautiful temptress who came to a young man’s room. And he, if he were wise, would demand that she turn around, because demons and witches have no back, only what they wish to present to you. What had I done? What animal had I delivered into her? I had been speaking to her I think for over an hour. Had I been her demon lover? Had I been Madox’s demon friend? This country—had I charted it and turned it into a place of war?
It is important to die in holy places. That was one of the secrets of the desert.
我知道这是魔鬼的把戏。从小我就听过魔鬼情人的故事。我听过一位美丽的妖妇走进一个年轻人的房间。如果他是明智的，他会要求她转过身，因为魔鬼和女巫没有后背，他们只有他们想让你看的东西。我做了什么?我让什么动物附上了她?我想我和她说了一个多小时的话。我是她的魔鬼情人吗?我是马多克斯的魔鬼朋友吗?这个国家——难道我描绘了它，并且使它变成了战场?’
应该在神圣的地方死去，这是沙漠流传的秘密之一。
----每周一/三/五晚更---- 【文本翻译均为电台英伦好声音读给你听所有，转载请联系播主并注明】
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