介绍:
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
Chandler: Hey! Babe! Aren’t you excited we’re going on our honeymoon?
Monica: Yeah I am!
Chandler: (singing) Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama…
Monica: That’s right. Get it out of your system while we’re alone.
Joey: (entering with Phoebe) Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah! Have a great honeymoon!
Chandler: I’d better go pack.
Monica: Oh no, I already packed. The only thing I couldn’t find though was your Speedo.
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Chandler: A Speedo? Uh, I don’t have a Speedo. I’m gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Rachel: (entering) Oh good you’re still here!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: I want to tell you to have a good honeymoon! (Hugs Monica.)
Monica: Thank you.
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
(Pause.)
Joey: We know its Ross!
Rachel: How?! How do you know?
Phoebe: It was his sweater, but—Oh my God!
Rachel: Oh, I so wanted Ross to know first, but I’m so relieved you guys know.
Monica: This is so great! And I’m gonna be your baby’s aunt!
Rachel: I know! (They hug.)
Phoebe: Me too! (Joins the hug.)
Joey: I’m gonna be an uncle! Come here! (He joins the hug.)
Rachel: (breaking the hug) You’re all gonna be aunts and uncles.
Monica: Yeah, but I’m the only one related by blood.
Rachel: Okay. Great! So now that you guys all know you can help me. Give me some advice on how I’m gonna tell Ross!
Monica: Well, what were you gonna say?
Rachel: Well I was gonna tell him that I’m-I’m gonna have the baby and he can be as involved as he wants.
Joey: Well that, that sounds good.
Rachel: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, what’s-what’s the first thing that I say? (They all pause to think.) Okay great! Thanks. (She starts to leave.)
Monica: Hey! Good luck!
Phoebe: Yeah, bye.
Joey: Bye.
(Rachel exits.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey, what was that all about?
Monica: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.
Chandler: (in a high pitched voice) What?! I didn’t even know that—Why didn’t you tell me?! (Pause) Why am I talking like this?!
Monica: I didn’t think you could keep it a secret.
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Joey: What secrets?
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
(The girls walk away.)
Joey: (whispering to Chandler) You’ll tell me later?
Chandler: You already know.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are entering.]
Phoebe: Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
Joey: Y’know, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Phoebe: All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later.
Joey: I don’t have a key, they took mine to give to you.
Phoebe: What?! They took mine to give to you!
Joey: Why would they take away our keys?
Phoebe: Maybe they don’t trust us.
Joey: No that’s not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monica’s guest towels?
Joey: Hey, I washed those!
Phoebe: No you didn’t.
Joey: Yeah that didn’t sound like me.
Phoebe: Well, what am I gonna do? I really need my guitar!
Joey: Yeah, I have stuff in there too.
Phoebe: What stuff?
Joey: Monica’s chicken parm! I’ll take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, it’s Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandler’s apartment. It’s an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Did Rachel find you?
Ross: No why?
Phoebe: Oh she was looking for you.
Ross: Oh well, I guess I’ll catch up with her later.
Phoebe: Well, she really wanted to talk to you now.
Joey: Yeah, it seemed pretty important.
Ross: Oh no.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I think I might know what this is about.
(Phoebe and Joey trade looks)
Joey: Really?
Ross: Yeah. Uh, uh we promised we weren’t gonna tell anybody this but uh, about a month ago Rachel and I slept together.
Phoebe: (deadpan) And?
Ross: Wow! I thought you would be a little more shocked.
Phoebe: Oh sorry. (Shocked) And?!
Ross: Well, we-we said we’d just do it that one time but, but now I think she may wanna start things up again.
Joey: Yeah, I don’t think that’s what it is.
Ross: Why? What-what else could it be?
Joey: Oh wow, I don’t feel well.
Ross: I’m telling you. I’m telling you. That’s what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didn’t say anything to you?
Phoebe: (To Joey) Maybe it’s something you ate?
Joey: Please, just-just, just go and talk to Rachel.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, y’know what I have to realize? Maybe I’m just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Y’know, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Ticket Agent: Next?
(The kissing couple doesn’t move.)
Monica: They’re kissing let’s just go around them.
Chandler: Oh honey, leave them alone, they’re in love.
Monica: I’m in love too! But in an orderly fashion.
Ticket Agent: Next?
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? ‘Cause she said, "Next."
(The couple moves up to the counter.)
Woman: Sorry. We didn’t hear you; we’re on our honeymoon.
Ticket Agent: Oh, let me see what I can do. (Checks the computer) There are some first class seats available.
Monica: (To Chandler) Did you hear that?! They bumped them up to first class because they are on their honeymoon! Come on! Let’s act like we’re on our honeymoon.
Chandler: We are on our honeymoon.
Monica: Grab my ass!
Ticket Agent: Next?
(They go up to the counter.)
Monica: Hi, sorry. I almost didn’t hear you, because y’know I’m just so in love with my new husband. We’re on our honeymoon.
Ticket Agent: Congratulations. Okay, Mr. Bing you’ll be in 25J and Mrs. Bing you’ll be in 25K.
Monica: Oh no, you see we’re on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class?
Ticket Agent: I’m sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.
Monica: You see, if we’d gone around them like I said, we—She would’ve given us those tickets. Damnit!
Chandler: 25J and K, any chance those aren’t together?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Joey are playing Rock ‘em, Sock ‘em Robots.]
Joey: I still can’t believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours.
Phoebe: Of course I do! And I’m gonna give it back to you as soon as they’re done with it at the key shining place.
(They hear a knocking sound coming from the hallway and go to investigate.)
Joey: What the hell is that?
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New York’s bravest breakdown Monica and Chandler’s door with an ax.]
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Treeger, what are you doing?
Mr. Treeger: You said there was a gas leak in here.
Phoebe: Well why don’t you use your key?
Mr. Treeger: Because by the time I find it on this thing (Holds up a huge key ring with a thousand keys on it), the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. (To the fireman) Come on! Hurry up.
(With a final swing the door gives way.)
Phoebe: Oh! We could have done that.
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
Monica: Look at that! Look at that! They’re going into the first class lounge! Do you know what they have in there?
Chandler: No.
Monica: Me neither! We have to get in! (She runs through the door with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Just act like you belong.
Monica: Oh my God! Oranges!
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Airline Employee: Uh sir, may I see your tickets please?
Chandler: Yes, of course. (Shows him the tickets.)
Airline Employee: I’m sorry, would you move your thumb? I can’t see the seat number.
Chandler: Oh that’s all right, I have it memorized. It’s 1A.
Airline Employee: (grabbing the ticket from him) Sir, this is not a first class ticket. I’m sorry.
Chandler: Apology accepted. Excuse us. (They try to enter again.)
Airline Employee: Sir! I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.
Monica: Fine. (Starts to walk away then she runs over and grabs an orange before she exits.) Go! Go! Go!
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Ross’s Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
Rachel: (seeing him) Hi!
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi. (He helps her up.) Umm, I think there’s something that we really need to talk about.
Ross: (quietly confident) I think we do. Why don’t we go inside? (They go inside.) Look uh, I know why you’re here.
Rachel: You do?
Ross: Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first.
Rachel: (warily) Okay.
Ross: Okay. (He sits her down in a chair.) Uh, Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. That’s been one heck of a see-saw hasn’t it?
Rachel: (confused) What?
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and…and certainly passionate, but don’t you think it’s better if we just stayed friends?
Rachel: Seriously. What?!
Ross: Okay. Okay. Y’know what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean I’d-I’d be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
Rachel: Okay, y’know what? Can I, can I talk now?
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
Rachel: (touches his knee) I’m pregnant. (Ross stops.) Ross? (Ross is staring off into space.) Ross? (Ross is still frozen) Okay, whenever you’re ready. (Sits back and opens her magazine.) And you’re the father by the way—but you got that…
Commercial Break
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: (closes her magazine) Can I get you some water?
Ross: I’m good. I’m good.
Rachel: Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay? I mean you can as involved as you want. (Ross nods.)
Ross: Yeah, I need uh… I’m just—I don’t know—I don’t understand, umm, how this happened? We-we used a condom.
Rachel: I know. I know, but y’know condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Ross: What? What? What?!! Well they should put that on the box!!!
Rachel: They do!
Ross: No they don’t!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
Rachel: Okay Ross come on let’s just forget about the condoms.
Ross: Oh well I may as well have!
Rachel: Listen, y’know what? I was really freaked out too when I found out…
Ross: Freaked out? Hey no, I’m not freaked out! I’m indignant! As a consumer!
Rachel: Y’know what? Let’s, let’s talk later.
Ross: No! No! I want to talk now! Okay? I—In fact, (picks up the phone) I am going to talk to the president of the condom company!
Rachel: Okay, y’know maybe I should come back… (Starts to leave.)
Ross: (grabs her) Shh! Shh! Shh!
Rachel: (stops) Okay.
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