介绍:
Heyang: A major study of tiger moms and wolf dads is out. The young who feel immense pressure from parents to succeed are left feeling anxious, under-confident and frustrated leading to poorer exam results. Here’s a question lots of Chinese parents are asking right now. How pushy is too pushy?
从“虎妈”到“狼爸”，再到“猫爸”。谁了解和更尊重儿童呢？一项英国研究显示虎妈的教育下，孩子成绩并不好。家长们，如何保持住理性，选择好适合自己孩子的教育方式呢？
So first of all, guys. What does the study say and do you agree with it?
Luo Yu: Well, basically the study is conducted by the University of Reading there in the UK. It shows that perils of aiming too high: Children perform worse academically when saddled with too much parental pressure.
Researchers at the University of Reading found that when parents pitched their expectations too high, their offspring were less likely to do well in tests. While a moderate amount of aspiration benefited youngsters’ results, it only had a positive impact if the hopes were realistic, the data showed.
So basically, for one thing it’s about the expectation from your parents. If you aim too high, probably your children will do not so well in the exams. That’s one thing. And second I wanna mention the benchmark test here is the mathematics. I do wonder whether it will have the universal effect or universal appeal to other subjects. From my perspective, if you are a performing artist, you have to play piano, you have to go to the drama courses, and then I think a moderate amount of corporal punishment is quite necessary. Because look at Lang Lang, look at Li Yundi, they have gone through an arduous journey if they want to be the world famous pianists.
HY: Wow! Luo Yu, you just talked about some interesting stuff here. You talked about corporal punishment so you think actually hitting your kid is necessary for the kid to become successful?
LY: To some extent, especially our East Asian culture…
HY: Hitting the kid!
LY: Yes! I’ve gone through that myself!
Sam: Luo Yu, I was kind of with you until that point. We were on the same path and you then you take it to a very dark place that I just couldn’t follow.
HY: Yes, we are in a dark place right now.
LY: But I mean in China, it’s like 子不教父之过 right? If you didn’t educate your children well, it’s the parents’ fault.
Sam: Up until corporal punishment? Wow! Luo Yu, we need to have a talk later. Well, I would say that apart from that, I fully agree. The reason I fully agree is because, without making it sort of personal, we I was very young, my dad left and it was just me and my mum. And my mom blessed over compensated by over mollycoddling me. She was the nicest mom in the world and you could do no wrong. And when you get a bit older you understand the reason she’s doing that is because she was hurting from it as much as you were, which means she wants to make every moment you get together very happy. And it was only when I got a bit older that I realize that I was far foot behind everyone else in terms of school because I had literally no one to push me. I never blamed my mom for that of course. I blame my dad. But I knew there’s a huge problem here I had to compensate for that I was not performing as well as the other kids in my class. And it was at that point I kind of turned everything around and said, right, from this day forward, I’m gonna have to turn everything around and start working on my future, otherwise I’m not going to have one. And I had to kind of collectively make this decision on my own at 14. And I did. And it was at that time I started getting much better grades, they immediately shot up quite a lot. And it was at that time actually I started leaning mandarin as well, which later escalated into learning a cluster of other languages. And I started building a load of assets that allowed me to get to where I am today. And I’m very proud of myself the achievements I’ve made. But at the same time, it was an arduous journey. And it was an arduous journey that led to where I am now. I don’t sound like I’m whining or complaining here, but I think if I had a bit more guidance, the same level of diligence maybe could have led me going even further.
I don’t know what that is. I think you guys both understand the point I’m trying to articulate here.
HY: Thank you so much for sharing your story Sam.
Sam. It’s just explains why I agree with Luo Yu, apart from corporal punishment.
HY: I think hitting your kid is a discussion completely different and whether you should resort to that, I have big question marks for that. Personally, I’m totally against that. And I think when it comes to disciplining your child, and also pushing your child, I think it’s a really delicate balance. It’s you cannot just let the kid do whatever and then you got all these 熊孩子. And these bear kids I hate them! And often it’s because their parents don’t discipline them and don’t teach them. I think teaching and being a moderately amount pushy is probably kind of necessary for the education of your kid.
And here just a quick question before we finish today’s show. In China, now we are seeing that a lot of these traditional tiger moms and wolf dads are turning into cat moms or cat dads, meaning that they have gotten some western ideas and think that you need cuddle your kid a bit more. And what do you think is the right thing to do here?
Sam: I mean my opinion on this is very evident by thinking it is important and to do what Heyang says, she put it perfectly. You need to find the right balance so that you are encouraging your children enough without making them feel over pressured. And don’t hit them.
LY: I think the precondition is the proper understanding of western education. Otherwise, you will be damaging your child as well.
HY: OK. Or find out your own way, don’t just follow the books. You need to figure out what’s best for you kid.
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